u/Odd_Bag_37

I think I just have so much dysphoria but deny it based off of a lot of anxieties and being worried of everyone else around me, so I shove it away. But I constantly am thinking about just… being a guy. Just a duuude.

So l’m not sure if this would help make it more normalized to me, but essentially I am just looking to have little banter/conversations with anyone back and forth and try to be referred to as Miles with he/him or he/they pronouns? You can introduce yourself, tell me a fun fact, literally anything lol.

Things about me for convo starters: I am in social work, studying law. I love video games (faves are games like ff7, bg3, stardew), art, plants, and my cats.

Appreciate any comments or advice in general! Thank you for your time :)

I am in need of some help!! I am 25 and since about 18, I have had amenorrhea. Before 18, I had consistent, month to month heavier periods that were about 3-4 days. Then all of a sudden, it all stopped. I went about 3 years with no period. I gained a lot of weight, all the fun things. All the obgyn’s I saw just told me to lose weight, but before this I was a normal weight and had no issues. I finally got diagnosed with PCOS/PMOS about two years back. I have higher testosterone, insulin resistance, almost pre diabetic. No one took me seriously for a while bc the two ultrasounds I did I didn’t have cysts. I also asked about endo and was shut down except by one obgyn I don’t live by anymore. I was put on birth control and that did start my period briefly but I wasn’t too consistent and it made me feel shitty so I stopped. The period stopped again. Even on the birth control it wasn’t consistent, just painful periods every couple months. Granted, I have OCD and I am afraid to take medicine because I’m afraid of the unknown/side effects and have extreme emetophobia and hate any GI issues. I then was on progesterone and that was short lived because it made me feel actually insane and so unstable.

I’m in another period of time where I haven’t had a period in over a year. My new obgyn told me to try birth control again. I just don’t want to. I couldn’t get myself to do it. I have been taking inositol as well for PCOS but not really consistently enough (something I’m trying to work on with OCD)

There is something I’ve realized as well and not sure if this is relevant but thought I would mention. This part is NSFW. When I get wet sometimes or orgasm, I will get some dry blood or even fresh blood when I go to the bathroom after. I also can’t insert anything without having extreme pain (which is fine as I am married to a woman but to note). This is like the only time I will get blood. I had a few times before where I would get just dry or brown blood for a couple days but no fresh blood but even that has stopped.

Today every once in a while I’m getting severe pelvic pain in the middle that goes on and off, it’s happened about 7 times today.

Anyway - my long winded question, I’ve had people tell me to think about a full hysterectomy. I’m so worried about my ovarian cancer risk and can’t seem to get myself period consistently. Is it worth it? I’m worried about the long time issues. But no one takes me seriously, I don’t know what’s wrong. I don’t want kids of from my own body, my wife wants that for her. I know the people I have talked to mentioned they do HRT to not put you into early menopause but is this still a good idea? I just don’t know anymore options and I’m tired. It’s made me so mentally unwell and I have such bad health anxiety. I am crying right now because I just want it to end. When I would get periods, they were so painful because I wouldn’t have them much.

My other thing which makes this a bit more complicated is I am more nonbinary and the thought of taking estrogen & progesterone to kind of rid of my non-feminine features greatly worries me. So I don’t know.

Sorry for the long post, I just genuinely would love any advice, suggestions, reassurance, anything. I feel so alone and it’s scary. I will obviously talk to obgyn but not sure what to even say anymore and I mostly get shut down. Thank you all!