u/Odd_Bodkin

I’ve seen comments on a lot of posts of the sort, “Since you can afford it, why not spend the money on it?”
But I’ve also seen counter-comments of the sort, “Just because I can, doesn’t mean I want to.”

Can you list an example of each kind, where a) you bought something or spent money on something, just because your wealth allowed you to? And b) where you can well afford something but out of principle or to not waste or something like that, have decided not to?

So many posts on retirement subs focus on financial readiness and strategies. I found that the more challenging questions about the transition to retired life had little to do with finances.

• Where am I going to find the intellectual stimulation that work provided? How am I going to keep my mind engaged and sharp?
• Does my spouse have the same vision for an ideal retirement that I do, and if not, then how will we accommodate and support each other?
• How am I going to stay connected socially, both with friends I know well and with people I'm meeting for the first time?
• Am I happy with my body and my health, and what am I going to do about that?
• Am I a hang-around-the-house person, or a get-out-of-the-house-daily person? And if the latter, what's my plan?
• Am I counting on my spouse being at my side for everything I want to do in retirement, or are there ambitions I'm willing to just do on my own?
• Since we've talked about downsizing, that means getting rid of a lot of stuff, but what stuff do I feel okay with getting rid of and what stuff do I really want to hang onto, and why?
• What do I want to learn now?
• Will my hobbies still be fun if I spend a lot of time doing them now, or will they start to get old?
• How am I going to feed my desire to contribute to the world, have some positive impact?
• What causes do I really care about and am interested in devoting some time and effort into?
• Is it better to be physically closer to family, or is it best to maintain a little space and just visit a lot?
• If we move, how good are we at making new friends? How hard will it be to reset our accustomed infrastructure?
• How much flexibility and freedom from structure do I really crave? How much structure and time commitment would actually be good for me?
• Do I really hunger for Big Travel so that this will dominate the first years of retirement? Or am I happier with smaller adventures, domestic trips or even day trips?
• Am I happier inside our outside?
• Do I want to surround myself with people my age, my interests? Or do I want a mixed environment, all ages and all backgrounds?
• How comfortable am I with just being instead of doing? Do do-nothing days make me feel good, really?
• Do I want to retreat from the world, or do I want to immerse myself in the world in ways I couldn't before?

This is the last day of July. August is the last full month in my 60s, and then I will be officially a septuagenarian. I wasn’t obsessive about the decade transition from 20’s to 30’s, 30’s to 40’s, 40’s to 50’s, or 50’s to 60’s. Somehow this one feels different, more important. Not with foreboding, not with nostalgia, not with a “holy crap” moment either. Maybe it’s that I’m finally claiming Social Security and there are no other major landmarks I can think of, in the rest of the road.

My spouse is a few months older than me and unfortunately is not dealing with it well at all.

This is the last day of July. August is the last full month in my 60s, and then I will be officially a septuagenarian. I wasn’t obsessive about the decade transition from 20’s to 30’s, 30’s to 40’s, 40’s to 50’s, or 50’s to 60’s. Somehow this one feels different, more important. Not with foreboding, not with nostalgia, not with a “holy crap” moment either. Maybe it’s that I’m finally claiming Social Security and there are no other major landmarks I can think of, in the rest of the road.

My spouse is a few months older than me and unfortunately is not dealing with it well at all.

This is the last day of July. August is the last full month in my 60s, and then I will be officially a septuagenarian. I wasn’t obsessive about the decade transition from 20’s to 30’s, 30’s to 40’s, 40’s to 50’s, or 50’s to 60’s. Somehow this one feels different, more important. Not with foreboding, not with nostalgia, not with a “holy crap” moment either. Maybe it’s that I’m finally claiming Social Security and there are no other major landmarks I can think of, in the rest of the road.

My spouse is a few months older than me and unfortunately is not dealing with it well at all.

I’ve been retired for coming up on three years. I consider myself lucky because I retired when I chose to, and I had already thought quite a bit about what my retired life should look like. And basically on day 3 of retirement, I set about putting that in place. It’s been great, I have no complaints. I’ve kept busy, enjoyed variety, stayed connected socially, had some great adventures. I’ve never felt unmoored or bored or isolated or purposeless, and frankly I don’t think much about money because it’s now like air — there but taken for granted.

But a couple weeks ago, there was a subtle ratchet in mood. Just a general feeling of happiness and “things are going great”. It kind of took me by surprise, because I’m not really doing anything differently. Part of it is some kind of … release, hard to describe.

Anybody feel this? When did it happen? What did you notice?

There are exactly 5 still-open KMart stores in the US. There is one in Miami Florida, one in Guam, and three in the US Virgin Islands (St. Thomas 2, St. Croix 1).

Though this isn't special to retirement, retirement does tend to accentuate the difference because you're living as you'd like. It's also not unusual at all for spouses to be completely different in this respect, and the accentuation drives further conflict resolution and compromise.

I'm a bit more of an adventurer, wanting to try new things, go to new places, be part of new experiences. My spouse prefers the comforts of activities at or near home, regular things done at regular times, has limited appetite for travel or getting out on the town. Though we have overlap and common time we like spending together, we also have independent pursuits. We are far from joined at the hip.

As an example compromise, we're going out this afternoon to tour an area that's had a lot of retail development lately, just so we can see what's there, look for restaurants to try and ice cream shops. It's not more than five miles from the house and will likely only take an hour or so, but caters to both our inclinations.

How does this work for you in retirement? For those of you coming up on retirement, or for those where only one of you have retired, how are you thinking about dealing with this?

* Rocket sled v7. This time adding the drag chute.

* Alphabetize my shoes.

* Terrace the back yard. Flood the whole thing. Plant rice.

* Fill out the NYT crossword with words that all make the puzzle work, but don’t have anything to do with the clues.

* Pizza topping to try: Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

* Take neighbor’s dog for a long walk. Optional: Leave a note.

* Write a check to support my Congressman for $4,000,000 and mail. Explain massive inheritance in cover letter. Call bank to issue stop payment as soon it’s in the mailbox.

* Crochet a sofa.

My wife and I are both on Medicare, and my wife’s been on SS for about 2.5 years. I’m coming up on 70 and so I filed for Social Security and that’s in process in the Kansas City office. Now that I’m filing, my wife will be eligible for a bump up in her benefits due to spousal benefits. I thought I’d have to go wait in line at a local SSA office to orchestrate my application for SS and her spousal benefit application, but a call to the main help number got me the advice to just go ahead and apply online, and then have my wife apply for spousal benefits after. Fine, filed my application and got a notice I might need to come into an office with a marriage license to prove that.

Cut to yesterday, my wife got a snail mail letter from the KC office, asking her to call a direct extension with the name of an Actual Human Being listed. She called this morning and got the Actual Human Being answering right away, and Actual Human Being had her file at hand. Actual Human Being was initiating the spousal benefits, without my wife needing to apply, and within ten minutes, and with me testifying over the phone that indeed we were married, the application was complete and being processed. This also means that my application is being processed, because that’s what triggered her letter, and that I won’t have to bring a license into any office.

I told Actual Human Being how wonderful this process had been, which made Actual Human Being’s day, and that’s that. Easy peasy.

We have an annual spend of about $70k, but that includes some travel, a fair amount of entertainment, and not really managing things too closely. We know we could also get by in reasonable comfort on around $58k because we’ve done it, with some discipline.

But I know there are some retirees, including couples, that do with a lot less, spending maybe $30k per year. And a lot of them are not in serious financial straits. So I want to know what life at that spend rate looks like. Did you have to move to lower cost of living? Are there things you have gotten used to doing without and are now fine with that? Are there regular things you do that help stretch your dollars? Do you rely on any particular services designed to help out?

I present as primary evidence the chain of wars in Korea, Vietnam, Afghanistan, Iraq, and now Iran, where we spent cumulatively trillions of dollars, lost tens of thousands of American lives, and gained essentially nothing in terms of measurable gains. Every single of these conflicts has led to internal disgust, acrimony, and the erosion of both patriotism and faith in our leadership. The cumulative effect in our world reputation has been negative, also.

I no longer think that measures like counts of wings and hulls, or the ability to project force, count for much. They are empty measures, military McMansions if you will, that do not translate into objective successes.

I keep hearing, once a teacher, always a teacher; once a cop, always a cop.

I am retired. I am no longer defined by my job. My identity is elsewhere. If anyone asks me what I did for a living, I sometimes tell them with an appended statement, “but none of that matters now”. Sometimes I just say, “none of that matters”. It helps, frankly, that I had three careers, so that no single one ever defined me.

I know people my age and stage of life for whom this is a real struggle, finding who they are if they aren’t their experience and skills earned over decades anymore.

On a hunch, I looked at a free streaming service and found all 26 seasons of Dark Shadows. Good heavens, would I dream of starting this? Would you?

I confess I lean toward Type A: like to stay busy, love new challenges, don’t shy away from leading, habitually organized, much more of an extrovert than my spouse. Fortunately, retirement was a relatively easy transition in my case, because I thought for about a year before I retired what I wanted retirement life to look like, and I just kind of jumped into that.

But I know that retirement can be a wildly dramatic shift for Type A’s. Some folks find themselves enjoying the vacation for a while and then start to feel unmoored and aimless and “not like myself”. Other A’s just end up hating retirement completely and go back to work. Still other A’s find retirement to be a shockingly wonderful change and embrace the calm like they never have before. Some gradually adjust but it takes months or even years to settle in.

Because there are a lot of subscribers to this sub who are NOT yet retired and may identify as Type A’s, and are wondering (or dreading) what the retirement transition will be like, then those of you who raise hands as Type A, relate your experience. What did you find frustrating, surprising, thrilling, daunting, helpful?

A good friend of mine has a retired sister who met someone on a trip, fell madly in love, got engaged, put her house on the market, and moved out of state to join her fiance in Colorado. A couple weeks later, she realized that Colorado was not for her, and that the two of them had a lot of baggage that would likely compromise a long-term relationship. And so she moved back. This wouldn't have been horrible, except that she's retired and this consumed a lot of emotional effort and money and damaged her optimism.

There are other tales of people moving into a 55+ community at age 59, finding themselves surrounded by people in their 70's and 80's, and deciding this is not what they wanted. Or moving to another state to follow a child and grandchildren, only to find that a new job made the young family move 2000 miles away again. Or selling their house, buying an RV with a plan to tour the country for a decade, deciding after nine months they didn't like the life or the endless stream of expenses, and selling the RV for a big loss. Or discovering that there were new major living expenses in retirement and that they'd retired prematurely.

The wisdom scars inflicted by the whip of the unexpected are worth sharing. What mistakes have you had to recover from in retirement? What we the recourses you had to take as a result? What advice would you give to help avoid a similar mistake?

Imagine you are still working (I know some of you are, some aren't) and you decide to take a big vacation to someplace you've never been. Say Morocco.

So you get on the plane and savor the fact that you've got a nice long time to be free of work. And you land in the new country with your one bag, and it crosses your mind you've given no thought whatsoever about what to do here once you arrive. It turns out it's a sabbath there and so you're just wandering around with everything closed and unexpectedly quiet. And you kind of like not rushing around to make some destination, but on the other hand you also have no idea of where you should go or what you should try doing. And now it feels a little weird, like maybe you should have given some thought ahead of time about laying at least some tentative plans with your valuable time.

I honestly think some people land in retirement this way, celebrating all the things they don't have to do anymore, but on the other hand having no real idea of what they want to do with their retirement years. Just like vacation, it's good to not pack your days to the gills. But on the other hand, retirement is foreign territory and you won't feel at home if you've not decided at least a few things you want to do or see or venture out for.

Does this resonate with any of you?

(No, not the go-go, slo-go, no-go adage)

I just got my letter from Social Security saying, it’s time, bud, apply to claim your benefits. I’ll be 70 in a few months. For the last 2.5 years, my wife and I have enjoyed our first-phase retirement, which has had some nice variety in a laid back way. I’ve enjoyed my tutoring part-time job (as well as a couple other part-time jobs preceding), and my volunteering involvements with poverty, social services, animal shelters, and the incarcerated. My wife enjoys her domestic routines and hobbies and her own volunteer involvements with children and hunger. We go to National Parks annually, and another trip or two domestically with family or friends, plus some day trips. There’s an event center less than 2 miles away, and no shortage of entertainment where we live.

Financially, we’ve lived off her Social Security, my part-time wages, a small pension, and draw from deep savings, and our tax burden has been very low, despite doing things like Roth conversions. We’ve not drawn on retirement funds, and I have not collected Social Security. But we’re about to do both, and even her Social Security will be affected by taking the spousal benefit.

It feels like the days when I would change jobs and get a substantial bump in pay, and (in those days) there would then be lifestyle creep. And so looking at this milestone, as well as the Big 70 associated with it, I just have a hunch there will be a lifestyle SHIFT at least. I don’t know whether this will mean quitting the part-time job, leaving more free time to do … what?

In a way it’s like retiring all over again and trying to sort out how we want to live out in this new phase. Is this a familiar thing to any of you already-retired folks? Did you have a Phase 2 retirement as a result of some key change in circumstances?

I’m being somewhat reflective in my retirement, but I confess to having ridden a wave of luck that has crashed on the beach. I honestly don’t know what to tell physics students these days about Plans B and C.

Post WWII until about about 1995 was the heyday of physics in America, with a general high opinion of science in general but physics in particular being held by the public, and as a result, by policy. Fifty years is a long time to get acclimated to a feeling of well-being among those that pursued the field. For a variety of reasons, this has faded, and we’re now falling backward into the state of American physics in about the 1930s, which honestly was not horrible but not great either.

Plan B had honestly been in coding and software engineering, which had a huge upsurge just about the time that physics started its popularity decline, to the point where a number of undergrad students were making choices to pursue coding around their junior year instead of chasing grad school for physics. Nowadays, college advisors are starting to warn students that there’s a glut of unemployed engineers, dumped by investment in AI instead. I ended up retiring (after a couple of career changes) from software development where I had greatly enjoyed working with agile teams and rapid iterations of enterprise software. Now I see whole release trains being shelved and general despair among that class of workers.

In between, there had also been a Plan C in the middle space, educational publishing particularly for college education, followed by high school. That was a huge industry transformation from hidebound tradition in books and warehouses and royalties to learning management systems and digital content and license fees. One could make a major impact as a physicist familiar with classrooms building whole new product suites, something I got some first-hand exposure to. But now publishers are finding themselves having moved too slowly and classrooms simply aren’t using publisher products anymore.

So these are interesting times. Competition is high for fewer positions in research physics, and Plans B and C for those who drop from the cut have to bubble up from somewhere, but I can’t tell from where. I’m curious what physics students are using for their Plans B and C now.