u/Odd_Temporary_8327

Hi there sillies! I'm venting again cause I feel like shit. I managed to get my ass out of home sometimes since the last post, and my only friend encouraged me to keep it going and even got me a job!!

I was excited at first, but then I remember what happens to me when I have interactions with irl people... Tomorrow (in 6 hours) I gotta wake up and go to my first job ever. That's pretty cool, but I absolutely fear it at the same time.

Let's just say I'm a bit too nervous, at a point where I can't even sleep. I don't have any lorazepam left, I ran out of those long ago, and the thought of just having to talk to people makes me wanna throw up. (My social anx got really bad lately T^T)

Also, I relapsed a few hours ago and I feel like fucking shit for that, I still can feel my legs bleeding against my pants and it itches a fucking lot.

However, even the most remote thought of knowing some irl sillies and putting my shit together makes me happy. But that's not going to happen soon... Right?

Idk, so many years of total isolation made this "common activity" into such a big deal to me, it makes me wanna cry but I want nobody to see me doing it at the same time.

Thanks for reading, stay silly and stay safe!! Love y'all... 💜

It is tempting, to finish the collection...

I guess this is our last chance to get the skin with gems, and I don't need to buy any this time, I have the 399.

59/60 cosmetics, atp you are the ones that decide...

Summer vacations are already over here, I'm heading home!!! T~T

That means studies, that means work, that means anxiety, that means therapy, and that means... Pills! It's pills season again everypony!! ,qmp,

I'm currently sitting on the floor of a parking lot, smoking a warm cigarette, watching the rolly pollies go back and forth, listening to some music and the cars passing by behind me. It's only 1 am, yeah, and I'd love to have someone to talk with but I just suck at making friends!! o - o;

Maybe that's the reason I'm so afraid of school! (Obviously is lol!!) I just can't stand the idea of spending ANOTHER year alone as a backup plan for the people that surround me. I think it's really getting to me!!1! >w<

I didn't cut in 2 days, which it's nice, and I just don't have a private space to do it tonight so I guess I'll avoid it. Life it's so fire! It just doesn't seem to get worse!!1 :0

Also I'm specially fed up with politics and bot accounts today, no special reason I just hate them all.

I never wanted to be perfect, but deep enough I always thought I'd eventually find someone who loved me.

Just dumped another boyfriend. I'm starting to realize that I don't attract people who care, but people who are desperate enough to use me.

I hate this. I'm 19 and I don't have a job. I got expelled from another high school because I regularly spend weeks rotting in bed. My mom is getting tired of me. I have absolutely no friends.

Luckily I've been loosing interest in cutting myself, it's not "freedom"ish anymore, it's just a reminder of how a failure am I. I spend the day binge eating to calm the anxiety and then puking it cuz I don't wanna get fat. (already am)

I always had my self-esteem at ground level, but now I can tell that I'm worse than I've ever been. I don't wanna go to a psychiatrist, they never help.

You know suicide it's closer than ever when it stops feeling like something you'd do premeditatedly and rather without thinking in a panic attack.

Thanks fer watchin' my vent.

Plus I expect a compensation for the smoothie drops I bought, not being able to pull fusions is crazy. THE SEASON JUST STARTED, FIX YOUR GAME!!!

I was watching a video, I just grabbed it by the base and the screen started flickering in a cube pattern. What have I done? Can it be fixed?

Okay, so today I entered brawl stars as normal, after the hour starr drops refresh. To my surprise, when I entered the game a chaos drop, a couple of starr drops, and a couple of demonic drops popped into my screen. "Okay, this must be from the championship I guess?"

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Nope, my daily rewards were completed, and I didn't play a single game. Does this strictly mean someone else is playing in my account? I didn't receive any security alert from supercell nor google.

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If anyone has an explanation or if it's a known bug I wasn't aware of, please lmk. As you can imagine, I wouldn't appreciate having a "guest" in my account. Thank you!

I've finally reached two years without a single friend and six months without my boyfriend. I stopped going to school a couple of months ago, I must have been expelled by now, idk, there was just no point in staying there.

My brain is becoming more tired each day, my prescriptions for medication expired a long time ago, my old habits are coming back. I can't eat in peace without my brain telling me I'll have to throw it up later if I want to stay thin. I can't look at my arms and legs without being disgusted by my acne and wanting to fucking cut myself constantly.

I'm just at my bed all damn day pretending everything's fine and telling myself, "maybe I should go back to school next monday", but that Monday never comes. Is there anything I can do to not kill myself? Seriously, I don't feel like killing myself but I have no motivation whatsoever, my hobbies have slowly rotted away and my social life has become nonexistent.

However, stay safe and silly ya'll, see ya!