u/Ohucme

I have just started OCIA classes at my local Parish. I have been off and on going to Sunday mass for 2 years. I started going for the first time with my boyfriend who is now my fiance. I have never been religious I've always been not interested in it. I find it hard to just believe in something. I'm not sure why. Religion was never pushed on me by my mother because she was forced to be a Jehovah's Witness from her mother. I considered myself agnostic, I believe there has to be something more in this world just not sure what. My fiance really wants me to become Catholic so I'm trying to do that. I also struggle with mental health and he says it could be good for me to find God since that's the only method I have not tried. I took the Alpha course and really enjoyed it, I felt something I'm just not sure what. It's like I'm parallel to it I see what people see I just can't find that connection to fully believe and have faith. I enjoy the community and I'm involved more than my fiance is. I also struggle with some of the beliefs but I feel like to fully commit to a religion I need to feel more and actually have faith and believe 100% or else it feels like I'm lying to God. My fiance says I'm not trying because I'm not adding an effort or reading the Bible or I don't understand certain parts even though I am trying. As a person trying to enter with no previous religion is there any resources someone can recommend or advice on how to get into it more? My fiance said I should just read or watch videos on the history and art and architecture since those are areas of interest but I'm just looking for more information or maybe advice from anyone who has been in a similar situation.

I've been at a job for 3 years I moved from a cleaning position to working in logistics doing the shipping part (packing and computer). I learned all new skills and went from 13$ and he to 14$. I just got a raise that I think puts me at 15$ but there is not really a difference in my paycheck. I have good benefits and insurance. But because of other financial reasons I'm always in the negative and I got a second job. Recently my team lead left and I was the only one who knew how to do the whole job and had to do it by myself basically for 2 months feeling stressed and overwhelmed constantly with almost 0 help from my supervisor I was on the edge of quiting constantly. I had to go back to therapy it was that bad. They hired a guy with basically no experience and had me train my supervisor with no compensation. Then I got my yearly review where they gave me low scores and talked about how I need to learn more and improve my work performance.... Why did you have my train the lead of the shipping department?? So now everything I've been doing for the past 3 years is deemed wrong or we can improve this so basically everyone new gets to correct me but then still come to me when they need help. I have good work ethic and I'm a people pleaser but this is too much for me they have killed my work spirit for this place. Not even being compensated for all the chaos or to even acknowledge my hard work they just moved on. So I want to leave but I find it hard to leave idk why I just have a financial fear I'm already struggling and stressed and overwhelmed constantly. Recently my 2nd job has asked me if I would even consider full time. The 2nd job is fast food making 12$ they are offering me full time for 13$ with the possibility of becoming a trainer, I could also possibly become a manager if I improve my people skills. I have high anxiety so I struggle sometimes. I'm considering it because I think I need to leave this other job and either go full time at the 2nd and then maybe get a different 2nd job or maybe see if I can profit from my hobbies. But basically I know I'm miserable but the fact is I know I can keep going if I need too I just feel stuck there and I hate that. There is no growth whatsoever. It's just a safe job. I want to grow and earn more and do different things, I'm just scared about my finances. How do you quit a safe job that you feel miserable at?