Rant
I’ve always had very conflicting feeling with my gender. I (amab) used to think I might be a trans woman and then feel completely different the next day. Im also gay so I thought that was where my need to feel feminine came from. Media featuring trans women has always connected with me but it’s always felt like there’s something missing. Even modernly I feel like gender fluidity is relatively less talked about. I just feel weird all the time. Being gender fluid is really hard to come out as especially since I don’t feel like anyone would believe me or just care at all. Even writing this is really hard. I can’t imagine telling someone I feel like a girl; I have huge beard because I hate my face so anyone would just look at me and think I’m being silly. The days I feel like a man I can love myself; when I feel like a girl I just want to die because no one could ever see me as one. I have some girl clothes and I think I look really cute in them; I feel so afraid of anyone seeing me. I’m gonna try to wear the flowery top I have tomorrow when I go grocery shopping. I feel like I need to to stop this drowning feeling.