u/Ok-Jellyfish195

I (27F) have always struggled with my relationship with my mother. I do genuinely appreciate everything she has done for me. She raised me as a single mother for a while before she met my stepdad, put me through private school and a private university, and invested in singing/music lessons for me when I was younger. I know she sacrificed a lot for me, and I don't take that for granted.

However, when I went to college, our relationship really started to change. I began noticing how much she struggled with control and respecting boundaries. We went through some very difficult years during college, which unfortunately contributed to me making some very poor relationship choices. Eventually, I moved back home after getting divorced at 21.

After I moved to a different state, things between my mom and I changed again. Some things got better, while other things became more difficult.
I eventually met my now-fiancé, and he has genuinely been one of the best things that has ever happened to me. He has been my rock, supported me through some very difficult things, and encouraged me to grow in so many areas of my life. I love him very much, and we are getting married in November 2027.
This past July, my fiancé and I hosted our engagement party at our house. Family flew in, and overall we had a great time. However, during that visit, my mother once again tested boundaries, which unfortunately isn't unusual when my side of the family comes to visit.

She makes disrespectful comments, gives unsolicited opinions, and sometimes shows up at our house without warning.For example, on the morning of my wedding dress shopping appointment, she showed up at our house early in the morning completely unannounced. She didn't call beforehand. She literally pulled into our driveway, texted me asking if I was awake, and knocked on our front door.
My fiancé and I were both upset by this, but ultimately brushed it off and continued with the day. I did mention it to my stepdad afterward, but he generally doesn't correct her behavior because he doesn't want to get involved or upset the peace.
I've tried very hard to give my mom the benefit of the doubt and maintain our relationship despite these issues.

But yesterday, something happened that has made me seriously question whether I even want a relationship with her moving forward.
My mom called me and asked if we had officially finalized our wedding date. I told her that we had. She then told me she planned on staying for **8 days during our wedding week** so she could "help us finalize everything for the wedding."
The thing is, I had already told her a couple of weeks ago **not to book accommodations yet** because my fiancé and I are meeting with our wedding planner in October and don't even know what our final plans will look like.I had also specifically asked her that, whenever she did book something, she please try to find somewhere between our venue and our house so that it would be convenient if we needed to go back and forth.

Instead, yesterday she told me she had already booked an Airbnb **more than a year in advance**, and it is only a few minutes from our house.
I was extremely frustrated and asked why she chose that location. She told me it was the only place that could accommodate "everyone."
I asked her who "everyone" was because as far as I knew, the people coming with her were supposed to be my mom, stepdad, and sister.
Apparently she also included my sister's boyfriend, my stepdad's best friend, and his wife.

I completely lost it.

We haven't even sent out save-the-dates yet. We are planning a relatively small wedding of **no more than 50 people**, and I don't even know yet if some of these people are going to be invited.
When I told her this, she became angry and told me I was being selfish and that **"this is her trip too."**
I tried explaining that this is exactly the type of boundary crossing I've been talking about for years. She repeatedly denied that she crosses my boundaries.I even told her that I have receipts/messages that demonstrate some of the things I'm talking about, but she continued to deny it.
At that point, I told her I needed to get off the phone because I didn't want the conversation to become even more disrespectful or emotional. We clearly weren't getting anywhere.Before I could get off the phone, she pulled out the classic **"after everything I've done for you"** line.

I hung up.

My stepdad immediately called me afterward and told me it was disrespectful for me to hang up on my mother. I told him, again, that I wasn't willing to have that conversation while I was that emotional and needed some space before things escalated further.
Now I'm sitting here wondering what the hell I'm supposed to do.

I don't want my wedding to become a week-long family vacation that my mother has planned without me. I don't want additional people invited to my wedding because she decided they should come. And I definitely don't want to spend the week of my wedding feeling like I have to manage my mother's expectations and boundaries instead of enjoying this incredibly important moment with my fiancé.

At this point, I'm honestly questioning whether I even want my mother at my wedding at all, or whether I want to continue having a relationship with her.
I know she's done a lot for me throughout my life, and I'm grateful for those things. But I'm starting to realize that gratitude doesn't necessarily mean I have to accept behavior that makes me uncomfortable or allows someone else to take control of major decisions in my life.

So, Reddit, **AITA for considering kicking my mother out of my wedding and potentially cutting her off after this? Or am I overreacting?**