u/Ok-Permit-5080

…and it was ok.

I wanted to share this, as I know reading posts like this helped me when I was in the trenches of the first few months.

My TFMR was in December, for T21. I’ve never questioned my decision, it was the only thing I could do to prevent my daughter having a life of pain. But it was tough. So tough. I cried every day for 93 days. I genuinely believed I’d never be happy again.

We took a trip away to our favourite place, scattered a few of her ashes there, and had a lovely week away enjoying being us, doing things we love

Yes, I’ll always have a deep sadness for the live I never got to live with my daughter in it, but I know I that the only decision I got to make as her mother was for her and only her ❤️

Update: on reflection, and after reading some of the comments I’ve realised that actually I think what has affected me is the fact that I articulated more than once that I didn’t have a miscarriage, and yet she kept referring to it as that, rather than the comparison of her loss to mine. Everyone’s loss is personal, and everyone’s feelings are valid.

“I know how hard it is, I had a miscarriage”

Why is this one of the worst possible things anyone can say? Mostly, they don’t. It just doesn’t compare.

I had a scan at my fertility clinic today, and ended up jn tears as it was the first time I’d seen my empty uterus. I hadn’t even considered how hard that would be, and it was utterly awful.

This was traumatic enough, but I had told the midwife at the start of the appointment what happened, and she kept referring to it as my miscarriage.

I apologised for crying at the end of the appointment (I’m British, I apologise for existing), and her response? “I know how hard it is, I had a missed miscarriage at my 12 week scan”. Yes that must have been devastating but it’s not the same. You don’t understand what I’ve been through. And I don’t understand what you’ve been through.

I thought that out of everyone the midwives at a A FERTILITY CLINIC would understand but no, it made it even worst.