Disrespectful 14yo
Okay so I don't use Reddit very often (or at all haha) but I am so at a loss that I just don't know what to do. If there's some secret etiquette for posting that's not in the rules I apologize!
I (38F) have a 14 year old who I will call B. I am having a lot of trouble getting them to do really anything I say. I've talked to parents I know, my parents, a therapist, and read possibly every book ever written about this. I really just need some advice on what to do.
B is extremely disrespectful, and I cannot get them to listen to me about anything. At school they refuse to listen to teachers, they yell at me, they destroy things.
One example is B was extremely rude to a teacher at their school. They refused to do any work, and disrupted class. I was called to pick them up. I tried talking to them about what happened, but they refused to speak. Because of this refusal to engage with me I had to go off what I knew. I took their phone, and told them they needed to write an apology letter to the teacher, and that they wouldn't be allowed to hang out with friends for a month.
The problem is they literally don't care. If I take their phone, they read. If I take books (which I don't like doing but really what am I supposed to do!) they will sleep. If I tell them they have to do things outside their room they will just sit there and stare at a wall. No punishment is effective. I've tried taking them to therapy with and without me there. When I'm there they don't say anything. When I'm not they tell me they also didn't say anything.
They tell me all the time that they don't care what I do and I'm not in control of them. Nothing works. Especially once the first punishment happens they will say they have nothing left to lose so they don't care about being better.
I'm really worried about this, not only because it's difficult but because clearly something is happening that I don't know about. I'm worried that this behavior is indicative of something bad happening with or to B. But I've tried bringing them to therapy and they just don't care.
I've brought them to doctors but they won't speak.
Sorry this is rambly and if it doesn't make much sense. But really if anyone has any advice for how to help B I would really do anything. It's not that I allow this behavior I don't think. I really do punish them, or try to talk to them about what's wrong, but they just don't care.
I can provide more context if needed.
I'm just so tired and don't know what to do at this point.