Parents disapprove of rishta, advice?
24F, Pakistani & Shia
I met this boy online last year. We spoke for a while, decided we really liked each other and were on the same page about moving forward/ marriage. I told my mum about him and was met with disapproval. My parents have worked hard to give me and my siblings and extremely privileged life (private school, allowances, will financially support us whenever/if we need etc.) In all of this, I feel like they can be superficial & materialistic because they have money now. My mum disapproved of where his family live (considered a lower class & ‘backwards’ part of the UK) and he only started working a year or so before me so his career wasn’t established i.e wasn’t likely earning well (we actually earn the same). I was extremely hurt and surprised at this reaction since my family are seen as quite modern/progressive (my SIL is from a different culture). But I guess the requirements of family background and income doesn’t really change just because you’re modern…
I tried for a month and a half and we both decided broke it off since marriage didn’t seem likely. We both struggled to accept it and 2 months later I said I wanted to try again and then almost 3 months later realised things aren’t changing so we broke up. It wasn’t back and forth conversations with my mum, rather it was one conversation that just felt like nothing would change and we both were too scared to really end it which is why it took so long. It’s been extremely painful and I’ve been consumed by guilt by putting him through all this hurt in the process. People around me who know my family have equally been as shocked at my mums reaction because
it doesn’t align with the image she portrays, so I know I’m not crazy for thinking this would work.
Anyways - seeking advice and help on what to do and how to heal. Would love advice from Pakistani, married couples on whether it’s worth trying again (ofc wouldn’t do anything right now as I wouldn’t want to give any false hope to him)
I understand things might be difficult at first coming from different financial backgrounds, cultural backgrounds (his is more cultural than mine), different family dynamics etc, but he ticks every quality I would want in a partner…
There’s a lot more details and qu’s, happy to respond to in the comments