I am 30M, married for almost three years, and have been growing tired of my marriage. My wife is a pretty 25-year-old woman, and I guess looks were a major factor in why I got married to her.

I’ve been noticing that we have started to live like two strangers in the same room, and that’s it. In the early days of our marriage, we had a lot of problems, some of which were exacerbated by my family’s involvement. Her problem is that she just can’t take other people’s opinions into account and would do whatever she felt was right. On top of that, she can be very rude and disrespectful and has a superiority complex. On the other hand, I am the kind of guy who gets along with everyone and everything with a smile on my face. I believe that life is too short to be rude to others and that everyone is equally important. She’s a housewife, so naturally, she has to interact with people in my family, which I think she’s very capable of doing. However, I feel her behaviour has made it difficult for her to get along with my mother, and when she faces the consequences of how she treats others, she complains.

Alhamdulillah, I have a very good life apart from my marriage. I have been doing well and can’t complain. I’m the kind of guy who lets go of his own preferences and likes and dislikes for others, and I feel that people have taken advantage of my willingness to accommodate them. My wife, apart from doing household chores, watches Instagram Reels on her iPhone, which I consider a waste of time. I keep asking her to complete her education, but she refuses. She keeps asking me for a separate home and everything that comes with it, but I am just not mentally there to do so, given her attitude and everything.

For the past couple of months, I’ve lost my desire to be intimate with her because, at times, she can become such a pain in the *** that I’ve just lost that feeling. We don’t have kids yet, and the way things are going, we might never have them because I just can’t bring myself to be intimate with her. Her attitude and rudeness keep coming to mind whenever I even think about being intimate. On top of that, she has started making strange and hurtful comments about my manhood because I don’t get intimate with her anymore. I’ve even explained to her that my lack of desire is largely because of her attitude and the way things have been between us, but she doesn’t seem to understand or acknowledge that. Instead, she makes these comments, which only adds to the frustration and emotional distance between us. I secretly wish that she’d leave me, even though I love her, because I feel this marriage is not going anywhere. My life, other than this, is pretty good, and my marriage stresses me out a lot. I regret marrying her, and my hair has started to turn grey because this year, specifically, has been pretty stressful for me regarding our marriage.

I really don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve kind of started noticing other women and couples and secretly wish my life could have been different. I am attractive, and I feel I could have found a different partner if I had made different choices. We can’t even sit down and have a conversation without something annoying her, and this has become the norm. That’s why I honestly try to avoid talking to her. I am a completely different guy, and I love to talk, share my feelings, and discuss things, but with her, I feel like I’m beginning to change a lot, and it’s taking a toll on me.

Please HELP — what do I do? I am stuck.

Basically the title but do people discuss this?

Cuz in pak it is considered a bit taboo but i think it should be discussed before nikkah.

And have u ever rejected someone who doesn't have the same level of sex drive as yours. And if u wanna reject them how to tell the other party or even your parents?

I keep seeing these rishta posts and they are so detailed and everything and I remember getting married 10 years back and kinda reminds me how naive I was or me and my partner were. I'm 29 btw. How are the folks who married young doing?

Posting for a dear friend: (help him out guys)
27 M,
I’ve been happily married for 5 years now. My wife knows everything about my past except that I was bi in my uni days.
However I have never been in any bi situations ever since our marriage until earlier this year her younger brother (20) has somehow found out about my past and has been trying to blackmail me into doing things with him … I want to tell my wife but I’m just too confused about where to start. I’ve lit had sleepless nights this past month and I’m just done

24F, Pakistani & Shia

I met this boy online last year. We spoke for a while, decided we really liked each other and were on the same page about moving forward/ marriage. I told my mum about him and was met with disapproval. My parents have worked hard to give me and my siblings and extremely privileged life (private school, allowances, will financially support us whenever/if we need etc.) In all of this, I feel like they can be superficial & materialistic because they have money now. My mum disapproved of where his family live (considered a lower class & ‘backwards’ part of the UK) and he only started working a year or so before me so his career wasn’t established i.e wasn’t likely earning well (we actually earn the same). I was extremely hurt and surprised at this reaction since my family are seen as quite modern/progressive (my SIL is from a different culture). But I guess the requirements of family background and income doesn’t really change just because you’re modern…

I tried for a month and a half and we both decided broke it off since marriage didn’t seem likely. We both struggled to accept it and 2 months later I said I wanted to try again and then almost 3 months later realised things aren’t changing so we broke up. It wasn’t back and forth conversations with my mum, rather it was one conversation that just felt like nothing would change and we both were too scared to really end it which is why it took so long. It’s been extremely painful and I’ve been consumed by guilt by putting him through all this hurt in the process. People around me who know my family have equally been as shocked at my mums reaction because
it doesn’t align with the image she portrays, so I know I’m not crazy for thinking this would work.

Anyways - seeking advice and help on what to do and how to heal. Would love advice from Pakistani, married couples on whether it’s worth trying again (ofc wouldn’t do anything right now as I wouldn’t want to give any false hope to him)
I understand things might be difficult at first coming from different financial backgrounds, cultural backgrounds (his is more cultural than mine), different family dynamics etc, but he ticks every quality I would want in a partner…

There’s a lot more details and qu’s, happy to respond to in the comments

The Basics

Age & Height: 25, 5’6”

Location: Islamabad. I’d prefer someone with roots here just so it’s easier for families to meet, but I am entirely open to other cities/abroad.

Education & Career: Fresh grad, currently working as an analyst for a US-based firm.

Marital Status: Single, never married.

Family Details: I come from a fairly close knit family that values independent thinking and choices, so I am taking the lead here.

Religious Inclination: Practicing, actively learning, and recently started covering my head

Deen & Values

Religion is my anchor. I actively try to learn directly from the Quran and Sunnah rather than blindly absorbing cultural norms. I am not perfect; I still struggle with my prayers at times ngl. I genuinely want a partner who has that exact same mindset so we can learn and grow together. I genuinely think of deen as an ideology rather than just theology - it's a complete way of life. So I need someone whose faith actively reflects in their character, their emotional maturity, and how they treat others, rather than just checking off religious boxes or using it only when culturally convenient :)

Personality & Interests

I’m an INFJ/INFP, a huge empath, and a massive cat lover *(please be a cat lover).*I’d say I’m a witty conversationalist who gets along with almost everyone, but I am also highly boundary-driven and hold strong moral standards for myself and my circle. I value integrity above all; I don't entertain shady behavior and have no problem cutting off toxicity to protect my peace.

My brain runs on a pretty wide spectrum. I can easily jump from sending brain-rot memes to having deep intellectual debates about philosophy. I am a massive coffee/chaiholic and love cafe hopping. On nights in, I’m all about watching movies or series with my family (followed by banter about the plot because we take media very seriously).

I loved doing creative, artsy projects growing up (baking, DIYs, design, writing this made me realize I should probably tap back into that) and I still read a lot of fiction and spirituality (thanks mom). I like traveling and going out on weekends just as much as I like staying in with a good book and a cup of chai/coffee/hot chocolate. (Also I just love rain; Islamabad rain is truly unparalleled).

I have always been the girl who dreamt of achieving her career ambitions while also giving back to society, so charitable qualities in a partner would be highly appreciated.

What I Am Looking For

Physical Preference: While I’ve always been attracted to intelligence and how a man carries himself above all else, I will not deny that mutual physical attraction definitely matters, especially in the early stages. Ideally, I'd love someone around 5'10" or above *(a girl loves her heels at events)* but it is not a hard limit; character and shared values definitely matter more.

Practicing & Modest: Someone actively learning deen who values dressing modestly *(yes ik even for men).*

Temperament & Emotional Maturity: This is massive for me. I’ve put a lot of work into my own emotional maturity, so I need a partner who is calm and handles conflict without anger or a fragile male ego. You also need to be able to handle a partner bringing a different perspective to the table and respect difference of opinions.

Independent Thinker: I respect a man who can think for himself, sort right from wrong, and has the backbone to stand up for what’s right even when it’s highly inconvenient*.*

Supportive: Someone who has absolutely no issues with his wife pursuing education or work after marriage, or choosing *not* to work.

Qawwam Mindset: I truly value a man who embodies the true essence of a Qawwam. I know people often reduce this to just financial responsibility (which I completely understand is a massive responsibility and not easy at all), but based on the Quran and Sunnah, it’s SO MUCH MORE than that. It’s about emotional leadership, being a safe, grounding presence, and taking care of the family's overall well-being ( physical and emotional). I want a partnership where I feel emotionally and physically secure, while still being fully respected as an independent thinker. It’s a huge responsibility that Allah has bestowed upon men, so please make sure you are actually ready to serve that duty instead of just being attracted to the title (please read and reread that last sentence until you fully absorb the meaning 🙏)

Dealbreakers

\- Watching/engaging with any inappropriate content.

\- Anger management issues of any kind. (Here I want to clarify: feeling angry is totally normal, but making it other people's problem is not okay. I genuinely cannot handle yelling, and loud voices overstimulate me. Even if you just have full-blown outbursts "once in a while," please do not approach).

\- Drugs, smoking, vaping, or drinking. (If that’s your choice, so be it, but I don't indulge in any of it and I need a man who has zero desire to indulge in those things either).

\- Female friends or polygamy fantasies (I bring the exact same loyalty and boundaries to the table).

\- An unwillingness to share household responsibilities (You need to be a fully functional adult. Just as I take care of myself, my living space, and my career, I expect my partner to have basic life skills. Weaponised incompetence is a huge turn off)

\- A chronic lack of work-life balance. I highly value ambition but a successful marriage requires actual time and effort. If your career leaves you with no energy to invest in our relationship or enjoy life together, please pass :)

Logistics & Timeline

Family Setup: A nuclear family setup is a strict non-negotiable preference for me. Having privacy and a space where I can fully relax in my own home is essential.

Kids: I am looking for someone who is on the exact same page about delaying kids. I want to travel, enjoy life together, establish our compatibility, pursue my master's, do hajj and build my career first. I want to have kids when it feels completely right rather than out of societal pressure or fear.

Timeline: Ideally I want to involve families early on as soon as compatibility is established

Next Steps (Please read before messaging)

If you have read till now and genuinely think our values align, please check this last message before responding:

Please reply with a proper introduction about yourself, your family, your core values, and your non-negotiables in marriage. I cannot entertain vague messages or one-liners (I know this might sound a bit blunt, but please respect my boundaries; I am strictly here to find a spouse, not looking for new friendships).

Please only reach out if you aren't actively entertaining multiple prospects at the same time. Focus and clarity matters to me.

JazakAllah!

I'm 29f and I love being single except every few months when i want to be loved so bad that it makes me physically ill but for the rest of the time I'm chill. Is payar ko kya naam dn? I'm going through one of these phases😂

I was at a birthday party yesterday, and it made me realise that it’s about time I seriously considered getting married. Obviously, I’m 31, so it makes sense. I’m doing well financially, and I’m happy with where I am in life.

I’m not someone who needs constant attention or a relationship to fill a void. I enjoy my own company, but I’d rather have the right person beside me than a hundred people around me. I’ve seen how dangerous and dark this Dunya can be, so I’m looking for my sunshine to make our lives a little easier, more fun, and happier.

I should get into some details about who I am as a person. I’m a reformed workaholic. I like good food, I definitely love to travel, and I’ve travelled quite a bit. I like the mountains, especially driving through them. If any of my friends is doing something new, I’m usually the first one to say yes. Also, sometimes I do absolutely nothing for fun.

As for who I want as a partner, I like feminine energy. Someone who’s fashion forward and, generally, a good person. Someone kind a bit crazy in a good way

I think it’s important to mention that if anyone wants to connect, they should be open to a relationship with the potential for marriage.

Ideally, please be from Islamabad or the surrounding areas. It’ll make it much easier to actually meet and get to know each other.

If you have any other questions, DM me and I’ll definitely answer. And yes, this whole profile seems a little stiff, but I like to think I’m much funnier in person.

Ps( 31 M. Height 5 11. Bachelor degree)

Height & Weight: 5”8, 70 kg

Location: Germany (Current). Family residence is in DHA, Lahore.

Accommodation: Rented (Germany). Currently, I live in a studio apartment designed for one person, but I will be moving to a larger apartment suitable for a couple before my spouse arrives. My parents have a family residence in DHA, Lahore.

Education: BS in Computer Science from LUMS (2021) and Master's in Computer Science from Saarland University (Germany).

Income Source: Working as a Software Engineer.

Marital Status: Single (never married)

Religion & Short Details About How Practicing You Are
In recent years, I've grown closer to my faith and become more aware of how blessed I am. I try to stay grateful and humble. For me, religion isn't just about praying or fasting. It's also about kindness, good character, and keeping healthy relationships. I'm not perfect, but I’m trying to build a stronger connection with Allah Ta'ala and be more regular with prayer.

Hobbies & Interests
I enjoy traveling a lot. Alhamdulillah, I’ve had the chance to visit many places while living in Europe. I believe in a healthy lifestyle and I go to the gym regularly. I'm also a foodie and never miss out on good food when I’m back in Pakistan. I like swimming and binge‑watching TV shows in my free time, and I enjoy playing board games or video games with friends and family.

Family Details
My father runs a wholesale business for plastic products and my mother is a homemaker. I am the eldest sibling, with two younger brothers. My middle brother completed his Bachelor's degree from Lahore School of Economics and now works as a SaaS Sales Specialist. My youngest brother recently completed his A Levels from Beaconhouse.

Requirements for a Partner
Age: 22-27
I'm looking for a fun-loving, adventurous partner who’s ready to make some great memories together. Someone I can cook with, plan movie and date nights with, go on road trips, and play board games or video games with. I value kindness, honesty, and a calm nature. I hope we can support each other's goals, keep good relationships with family, and build a home that feels peaceful and warm. I'd like my partner to have a similar religious mindset so we can encourage each other and grow together, without strict expectations or harsh judgment.

Deal Breakers
There are a few specific things I am not compatible with. I am looking to avoid narcissistic traits, emotional immaturity, anger issues, a lack of empathy, or habits such as drinking alcohol. I am looking for a genuine connection built on mutual respect.

Preferred Family Setup: Nuclear. I prefer a nuclear family setup to ensure we have our own space to build our life together.

Do You Want Children?: Yes
Timeframe for Marriage: Within 6–12 months, though I am flexible and believe this depends on our mutual comfort and discussion.