My dad died suddenly and nothing feels real
On friday i was told my dad had a heart attack while at work. i hadnt even seen him in the morning because he left around 5am, while i was still sleeping. i got called down from my room and i instantly knew what was up when i saw my aunt and uncle there, but my first thought was not my dad. i was worried one of my cousins had passed away or another person- the possibility of it being my dad never even passed my head.
my dad was a healthy man, he went to the gym 2-3 times a week, walked our dog twice everyday and ate healthy. i still dont even understand how it could of happened to him. literally the day before we were talking about a football match his work is holding for charity, which is why it still hasnt even registered. it just doesnt feel real, he was just here and now im never going to see him again.
I have been through grief before, even as soon as this time last year so i know what it feels like and its effects. But because my dads was so out of the blue i am genuinely lost and i dont know what to do, telling myself ill be okay isnt helping and crying makes me hate the situation more. i cant help but see him in everything i do, and think of all the things he will miss. i turned 18 in march, he will never see me get married, pass my exams (which i now cant sit as they start tuesday) or even just see me grow.
overall, i just need help with dealing with this. i miss my dad. i wake up at night and hear sounds, praying and wishing that its him coming home but it never is. i have my mother and my brother alongside me but i still feel so alone. i just wish this was all just a joke.