My 45F girlfriend broke up with me 35M, trying to figure out why things have gone so badly.
Me and my ex were together for just under two years and we were friends for 18 months before that. We both had a few issues from our previous relationships but we were good for each other or so I thought.
Due to the emotional abuse her ex husband had put her through and her eldest son, she kept me separate from her kids so I'd only see her when they were with their dad.
A couple of weeks ago, it felt like she was fading away, messaging less, spending less time together etc, this has happened before and we've always dealt with it. When I spoke to her about this she said she was spreading herself too thin with me, the kids and work. We spoke about moving things forward and me being properly introduced to the kids to help or if I needed to step back. We took a couple of days to think and she decided she couldn't move forward and needed to break up because I wanted to move in and be around the kids and she wasn't ready for that (this wasn't something I'd ever said). She did the break up by text, instead of us having the call we had planned to discuss and decide.
I thought of a few things we could try to save it and felt like the reason wasn't something I had said, so asked if we could talk as I didn't feel it should end on a misunderstanding so wanted to clarify. She said we could meet or talk after she had a few days, on that day I messaged her in the morning just to say "I hope you're not dreading our call as much as I am, whichever way it goes, it'll feel better after because we'd know for certain", she then replied a few hours later saying she couldn't meet and wasn't up to a call. It wasn't a misunderstanding she just doesn't want to continue our relationship. I then messaged back to say ok, I hope we can still be friends.
I asked if I could come get my key and she said she'd post it to me instead. Given how long we've known each other, I was completely blindsided by this, I felt like it should have been done in person so I could give her a hug, make sure she was ok and then leave. It feels wrong to not get to say your goodbyes in person. I've sent a couple of messages since, one saying goodbye and one asking about the key because it took longer than expected to get to me, both of these have been ignored.
Having it end like this makes it feel like I must have really hurt her somehow, I don't know if she just expected me to kick off like her ex would have or if there is more to this that I don't understand. I feel like I've not been given a chance to say what I need to say and that this has been handled really badly, which will slow me moving on and has made it more painful than it should be.