I cannot stand my step father
Hey Reddit I’ve never posted on here before but want to know if anyone else understands how I’m feeling.
A little background I am 18F my mom married my step dad when I was 9 and I met him when I was 6 about to turn 7 we moved in not long after my meeting him. My bio dad is no longer in my life and I currently him off when I was 12 he was a terrible person.
My step father when I first met him he was kind and a nice guy to be around I didn’t have any hatred towards him until after I cut my bio dad off. When I was growing up my bio dad was very absent I would see him maybe a few times a year so I would call any male figure in my life dad but I never really felt like I had a father if that makes sense. I called my SD dad a few times when I was really young before my mom and he got married but it felt weird so I stopped. My SD worked away up on the Riggs before and a little after my mom got married so he wasn’t around a lot so it didn’t feel like a big change. I started seeing my dad more after I turned 9 but it was still really on and off and at the time he was being abusive but I didn’t understand. My SD was kind and he made me feel welcome but there was always a thought in my head that it was temporary I guess.
When I turned 13 my father and I were going to court and dealing with a lot of different things naturally my mental health took a rapid decline and I started $h and become very slewarslidal iykwim and I started to become very closed off and around this time my step dad started to become very heavily religious I grew up going to church but it turned into a obsession for him which made me resent god. My mom and I were always fighting and so were my step dad and I and it just went down from there. At 14 I started smoking weed and stopped shortly after bc I got caught but he would throw it in my face In any argument and just tell me I do nothing and that I’m just a disappointment. My mom and him had a baby together when I was 12 and it was during Covid so I would babysit him every single day 6-8 hours a day for 4 years along with doing chores and I want to clarify I did not mind doing those things I knew my mom and my SD needed the help. After awhile I would watch my SD and his son and how he would raise him and I would just get so angry because I never got that from my dad. And no it’s not his fault but it just became a silent resentment. I grew up in a very strict house I was never allowed to go out I couldn’t have social media until I was 17 I wasn’t allowed to have male friends I couldn’t do a lot I would list of but it would take too long. I would still end up doing some of them I never snuck out or stole from my parents cuz I knew I would be murdered. But when I turned 16 I started actually hanging out with friends and going out but my step father would accuse me constantly of doing drugs when I wasn’t or sleeping around (I’d like to clarify I had one boyfriend throughout all of highschool and almost got kicked out at 17 because of it) on my 16th birthday him and my mom got into a HUGE fight because she caught him watching porn and they started hitting eachother and I had to get in between them and beat him off of her and my brother came running up and almost got knocked down the stairs. I had to shield my brother with my body because my SD was trying to take him from me cutting me with his nails in the process and bruising my brothers arm he proceeded to go into my moms bathroom and smashed everything. He apologized and they never spoke about it again but I cannot get over it.
My brother is 6 and told me the other day when I was watching him that when I wasn’t home they got into another fight and he pushed my mom into the shower. I was livid but didn’t want to cause anything. My mom and SD are Christian’s and as am I but I don’t fit in my SD narrative a listen to music he doesn’t like I dress grungy I’m just much more ALT let’s say I have gauges and he sent me a text a few months ago bc of it just telling me how disgusting I am and how I’m a disappointment or how my peircings are gross I have one nostril piercing and then my ears pierced that’s it. I have a job I am graduating tomorrow and yesterday was my “prom” and I decided to dance with my mom for the parent dance and he through a fit. When I got home he texted me again saying that he wont tolerate disrespect and that if I need anything to not ask. And brought up how I vape “they found out yesterday” my mom wasn’t mad about it she was more just disappointed but he wants to kick me out I’m 18 legally can smoke drink and vape he’s been sleeping on the couch for the last two nights which is right above my room.
My mom says I need to be more respectful when I am I truly am I cussed him out one time purely because he just kept calling me a whore and how my scars are embarrassing for him and how my mental health is just a ploy for me to get attention. Further more I have caught that man watching porn so many times including once I had to sleep upstairs on the couch because I spilled something on my bed and he didn’t see me and started watching it infront of me and I screamed at him. I say thank you when he drives me to work or anything I bought him a cake and made him a big card on his birthday and then told me I did nothing for his birthday and I don’t like Father’s Day it’s a hard day for me every year and he knows that and told me he understands and then last night told me that I was shitty and that I’m ungrateful. I don’t know what to do
I cannot stand him there has been so much that has happened and he wants me to respect him but in full honesty I don’t think there’s anything to respect he treats me like crap when he’s mad at my mom and he does try and we have good days and talk and crack jokes but others it’s unbearable he got mad at me because I don’t post a picture of him on instagram last night when I posted my mom and my friends.
Maybe I just sound like a petty teenager but idk I feel crazy