r/stepkids

I (19F) have lived with my step-mom and dad full time since I was 12. My biological mother struggled with alcohol and choosing the wrong men to pursue relationships with. When I was 13 I watched my biological mother sign over her rights to me in a parking lot showing no remorse or any emotion as she did so. She placed me in situations no child should be in (living with drug users/ dealers, forgetting to feed me because she was drunk/high, living in constant filth dog feces/urine everywhere) yet growing up I still tried my hardest to be enough for her. I thought I could somehow earn her love and affection.

However, my step mom has been in my life since I was 4 and did all the things a mom should do minus her anger and snide remarks. My bio mom had me when she was 18 and my step mom uses my drive to be nothing like my biological mother as a threat. Saying things like “don’t get pregnant or you’ll really be like your mom”. Which I have expressed bothers me and I have tried to set that boundary in which she states she’s trying to teach me protection and safety when it comes to sex. My step mom is also extremely jealous of my biological mother (for what reason I am not sure) I’m guessing because I rekindled our relationship a few years ago. Which I only did because I was told she was pregnant and due to complications she may not survive giving birth to my little sister. I did not want to live with that guilt of not saying something and since I’m religious forgiveness is something I strive to achieve. Not for the other person but for my bell-being as forgiveness is seen as a weight lifted off of your own shoulders. Still my relationship with my bio mom is not that of mother and daughter but more of long distance friends as she lives half way across the country.

Recently my step mom and I got into an argument about me not telling her I am continuing my education at the current university I am enrolled in. I told my dad since he asked but I was expected to continue attending uni so I didn’t really think anything of it. She told me I pick and choose when I want her to be involved in my life as my mother. I told her I was sorry I made her feel that way and that wasn’t my intention and tried to explain the situation. She continued to be upset in which I gave her space since that’s what usually is helpful in these situations. Previously she had thrown objects at me and put holes in my wall threatening to beat me while backing me into a corner. She never put hands on me but tons of emotional abuse in which I tiptoe around her still trying to maintain a relationship with her. Her reactions make me fearful thinking she may actually get physical one day. And even though my biological mother abandoned me when I was younger and did not seem to care about my safety my step mom threatens her absence to keep me in check. She had told me before she doesn’t want to be my mom and we’ve made up since then but those words still play in my head.

After the first part of this argument I got awarded a grade appeal from a dual credit class in high school which I informed both of my parents in a group chat and since she was mad at me and my dad she simply said “happy for you. Go tell your dad.” (She only used periods when she is upset. I told her I didn’t want to be involved in her and my dad argument and we would continue the discussion later, However she kept going and I continued to stand up for myself in which she took as disrespect. No cuss words, no name calling, no voice raising just me her newly adult child standing up for herself. I told her her reaction made me regret sharing my excitement with her In which she replied “I am no longer involved in any aspect of your life”.

In fear of being miserable and in harms way I decided to move in with my boyfriend and not move home for the summer, I do work and have increased my hours and I’m pulling my weight in our house. My mom said she can’t live with my decision and even though this happened before Mother’s Day I still went and saw her because she wanted me there (so she said) the only thing she said to me was “are you going to get the rest of your shit” and spent the day avoiding every room I was in and swinging on a child swing instead of embracing the fact that I drove 3 hours to see her for the day and sent her $100 worth of gifts as a struggling college student. Because I love her and just think we strive on space and not being in the same home.

My dad said he will always pick her side because she his his wife. And that he hopes my kids award me more grace than I awarded them and sent me a bible verse about honoring my father and mother.

Am I wrong for standing my ground and protecting my peace by removing myself from the situation and moving out?

i never thought to post about this on here but i really need some advice. my dad has been dating this woman for a very long time and she has always made it clear that she doesn’t like me, but she does it in a “nice” way and i can tell she is being mean but my dad said he doesn’t or says that she’s joking and doesn’t mean it like that. i have always been hurt by her and she has ruined my relationship with my father cause i love my dad but i can’t stand to be around her. i wish i could see my dad but she is always there. they are now getting married right before i do which i have a feeling she got jealous and pressured my dad into doing it. they have been together over 10 years and just now wanna get married right before mine. and she brags about how much her rings are and all about the money. she isn’t even helping out with my wedding and once got mad with what my dad was helping out with money wise. i am scared that she will try to take everything from me once they get married. what should i do to be sure that everything my dad said is mine is mine? cause i’m sure after he passes she will take me to court to take whatever she can. and it’s stressing me out because i love my dad and i don’t want him to be in any conflict and i feel bad and scared to have this conversation with him.

I never imagined posting on Reddit, but I’m truly exhausted and just need a place to vent. I don’t know a lot of people my age who have stepparents, and the ones who do have very different relationships to theirs than I do. So I’m here and hoping for some insight/just feeling like I have people who understand what I’m going through. This will probably be a long post, sorry in advance.

I’m 20F and have been low/no contact with my dad and step-mom for about a year now. This year has been hell and I’m reaching the point where I want to throw in the towel and go full no contact. My parents split when I was 8 and had 50/50 custody. A few years later, they both ended up getting re-married. This is when my stepmom’s personality showed itself. She is a bit abrasive and can be very critical, all in the name of “love and encouragement”. I would receive at least a 30 minute lecture almost every time I was home about various things (grades, screen time, etc.). I never loved this but was kind of okay with it because it never felt like a personal attack. What really started to get to me was when she would tell me that I wasn’t pouring enough energy into my relationship with her. I have been called manipulative, avoidant, and too closed off because I did not want to open up to a woman I had known for all of 3 years. At different points, I was being told that if I couldn’t be vulnerable with them, I’d never have healthy friendships or even a healthy marriage. I was told that I was too lead by my emotions and that any anxiety I felt when talking to them was a lie and I needed to take the thought captive. I moved to a different state when I turned 18 and have been in the same place since. I rarely visit home because I still get a lecture every time I’m home. My last straw with it all was when I drove back to my home town to take a final (I was an online college student). I didn’t tell my parents I’d be coming because I was literally only in for the test. When I crossed state lines, I got a phone call from my stepmom (who got a notification on Life360 that I was in my home state) who proceeded to shame me for saying nothing,  and tell me she was concerned for me and my relationships, and asked how I would feel if a friend did that to me. At that point, I wrote a letter and shared all of the things I had been feeling (I had tried say these things sooner but was essentially told to get over it) and sent it after the phone call. I expressed that I had been struggling with very low self-esteem and that many of the things I was speaking over myself were things they had said to and about me over the years. I was then shamed for accusing them of that and not being able to just get over it. They said that they were never critical, but that was just the lens I had chosen to look at it through. Being the naïve people pleaser that I am, I ended up apologizing for saying anything and promised that I would reach out more. But every time I think of picking up the phone to call or text them, I nearly have a panic attack, so I kept avoiding. Then about every 3 months, we somehow manage to reconnect and I get shamed for still feeling hurt and not reaching out. I recently got a text from my dad that basically said that unless I have a relationship with his wife, I cant have a relationship with him. I adore my dad, so this is heartbreaking, but I’m genuinely fed up and don’t think I can do it anymore. I’ve been in therapy through all of it and its been super helpful.

 

If you read the whole post, we’re best friends now. I mostly just needed to vent, but of anyone has advice I would appreciate it.

AIO about my step mom accusing me of animal abuse?

I (M, 13) have been experiencing some trouble with my stepmom (F,51).

She has recently accused me of spiking her cat’s food with my prescribed medication. I am innocent, and she has no proof. A few weeks ago, my dad (M, 51) called my mom (F, 51) to tell her that my stepmom accused me of poisoning her cat’s food.

She said she found powder lying on top of an open can of food. She claims that she checked the garbage and found the shell of a capsule.

My mother swore she would not tell me that I was being accused of something so disgusting, but earlier today she broke the news.

The cat my stepmom accused me of trying to kill is a very friendly ragdoll who I have very closely bonded with. Apparently, the incident happened over a year ago, but she just now brought it up because I have a psychological assessment in the coming weeks.

I do not know how to definitively prove I am innocent. The problem is, I do not take these accusations lightly.

I want to get my revenge. She needs to see that I am not willing to let her try and drive a wedge through me and my dad. I love him, but I want this woman to understand that lying is wrong, and that she (a Christian) will not get away from her sin.

I do not believe in god, but I do believe in the principle of justice. Any ideas, theories, or ways to get rid of her from my life? (NOT ILLEGAL PLEASE) this is being posted by my bf btw.

I'm 35M and I feel awkward about how things are with my bio dad and my stepfamily (dad, stepmom, and half-siblings). I have no kids of my own. My bio mom passed away 10 years ago, so my closest family in terms of "next of kin" would technically be my dad and his family. I want to connect more with them, but we live completely separate lives. I haven't seen my dad face-to-face in 20 years. We've always lived a couple of states apart, making it impractical to just drop by and catch up.

I’ve known my stepmom since I was around 8 years old, so she isn't a complete stranger (I actually still call her "auntie" to this day). However, I've never met my half-siblings. They were born right around the time I was graduating high school. Now the oldest half-sibling is about to graduate high school herself, and we still haven't met.

I feel a mix of emotions about all this: sadness, longing, jealousy, awkwardness, and uncertainty. While I'm fully independent and have my bio mom's side of the family for support, I do love my dad very much. I never actually lived with him during my childhood. He would come visit and we'd have fun times, but I don't know what it's like to share a household with him. It’s an experience I really wish I had growing up. I don't know his likes, dislikes, pet peeves, or hobbies. My half-siblings know my dad much better than I do, which makes me feel a bit sad and maybe a little jealous. The jealously comes from the fact that for my entire childhood (from toddler to teen) my dad could have the time or space to have me live with him, but also has time to raise my step siblings into adulthood with no interruptions. It also makes me feel unwanted as a child.

I want to connect with the whole family, but since my dad hasn't seen me since I was 16, I don't know what the dynamic would be now that I'm a grown adult. I really wanted him to have a greater impact on my life while I was still growing up. If I go visit them, I worry I’ll feel like a complete outsider. I don't even know if they consider me part of the family since I wasn't raised in that household. To keep it real, I’m also worried about disappointing my dad when he sees the adult I’ve become.

On a practical note, I have a bunch of money. Technically, if I die, that money would go to my dad and the stepfamily. That feels awkward to me because I don't know how my dad manages money, and our few phone interactions have raised some doubts about it.

I'm not entirely sure what advice I'm looking for if there is any advice to give..

My stepmom is such a horrible person, and I’m so mad at my dad for marrying this women and forcing me into this life. My stepsister is a complete weirdo and too. My step mom found out im gay and has made it her personal mission to be the most homophobic weirdo ever and said probably the most hurtful thing I’ve ever been personally told in my life.

So my stepsister brother ( my moms husbands kid) touched me and that’s why i have to live with my dad a d his demon wife. And i told my dad about it and i didn’t know he told her cuz i asked him not to but…

So she is now trying to imply that i couldn’t have been touched without my permission because im gay and hes a man and i was probably asking for it…yeah wtf. I doubt she’d feel the same if her daughter was touched.

Also fun fact I’m currently 15 and my stepbrother is like 27. But ooo it’s all my fault i guess.

I know blended families work for some people but i feel like you shouldn’t be able to just remarry and start over and forget about the kid you already have. It’s way too common.

I have never introduced my kids to anyone but I've met someone and I know that time will come eventually. How did your parent introduce you to their new partner? What did you like or dislike about how the introduction went? How would you have preferred it to be done? I'm open to suggestions, and especially what not to do. Thanks in advance!

My step dad married my mom 5 years ago and my life has been a nightmare ever since. It started with him controlling what my mom thinks and how she responds to me, but then he takes all his anger out on me. He broke a plate, my fault, he stubbed his toe, my fault, my grandma died, my fault. Just everything that happens, i get yelled at. Thats not even the worst of it. He basically mentally >!abuses !<me. He calls me names including:>! pig, buffalo, fat, bitch, dumb, idiot,!< etc, which really makes my mental health worse. And then when i try and talk about my bad thoughts, he threatens to call the police on me to take me to a mental asylum. Am i over reacting when i say i want to run away?

hi i am using a new acc to post this so my stepmother(29) who had recently married my father disciplined me for calling her by name and a few bad words.

she believes that its about raising a son well. She wanted me to address her as maam in beginning i didnt do that so i got the caning on buttocks.
she had told me to bend over the chair with pants down it was embarrassing.

She said to my father i needed lesson since i am spoiled with using bad words for her so i need to be disciplined.
i am from singapore
my stepmother is American