r/stepkids

I’m desperate. My 17 yo SD lives with my husband and me full time. Long story short, caught her vaping both weed and nicotine. Swore she stopped. Started up again and now flat out won’t stop. She has zero fear of consequences. We tried months of just talking. She played us. She did therapy for years. Quit that recently because it was just to appease adults. We took away privileges because she wants to be treated like an adult so we are giving her what she asked for - Freedom but no freebies.

Our one rule. Do not vape inside the house. We have pets, my husband has bad allergies, she herself has asthma (!!!) and I have a slew of autoimmune issues. The last couple of months my health has been affected too with Coughing and wheezing.

We have air purifiers in the house and after she switched to non odor vapes the purifiers have been basically ratting her out by going off when it detects the aerosol. The purifiers don’t do enough and she unplugs when when she’s home by herself. So again we say “hey, just go outside. We know we can’t stop you. Just don’t do it inside because of xyz health reasons and also not giving us and pets a choice on what we are breathing in.”

She refuses. Instead goes on a rampage screaming how she hates us and this home and will be moving out in a year. She likes to call cops when she doesn’t get her way. Cops basically laugh at her. But idk what to do anymore. It’s taking a toll on our health now. Idc if she wants popcorn lungs and to look like a crocodile in 5 years. I do not. We can’t send her to her mom’s. And we can’t send her to her grandparents because her grandpa has COPD and that would be so messed up of us.

My husband has tried everything. Done everything. We live in a state where at 17 we can’t force her into any treatment programs. I feel like a prisoner in my own home. Pls help.

hello, I am genuinely very scared of my stepdad. recently I’ve been getting a feeling that he’s going to do something to me, in the past he’s done stuff that makes me distrust him, the main thing being him touching my thigh without my consent and making me very uncomfortable, and when I told him that, he said that I needed a reason to, when I told my mom, she talked to him about it and told me that “because he was raised by his grandma he doesn’t know how to act around girls my age” which I have some problems with that reasoning. now don’t get me wrong, I love my mother but I hate that she didn’t break up with him for that. I do know what to do, any help?

Ugh. I hate it so much when I'm just wearing pin's and my father is just like "y'know there's nothing better than discretion. You shouldn't be exposing what you like like this" and then my stepmother walk in and is just like "once, we drove past a convention and there was a girl with all of these all over her bag and we were like «omg she's crazy» and what your grandpa think of it ?" (my mother's dad) just because he's a little outdated on certain topics. I said that he doesn't care (which is true) but I was like. Girl. You fvcking wash your windows twice a day, you think a part of my room is a fvcking corridor and WEARING PIN'S IS CRAZY ? And even if my grandpa thought like you. WOULD YOU BE PROUD TO THINK LIKE A 70-YEARS OLD MAN WHO WAS RACIST BEFORE MY MOM MARRY YOUR HUSBAND ? Cause yes darling. Remember you'll always be in third place behind me and my mom. And my father was just not denying it or even listening to himself. I told that it's a way for people like me to recognize each other and socialise with the others members of the community and not the other (because obviously we don't like the same things and it's absolutely okay) and then it just ended by him telling me that I'm fvcking chauvinistic. Like bro WHAT THE ACTUAL FVCK. Y'know what ? Fvck this sh!t I'm out. Go d!e in hell I don't care anymore.

I’m 18 ftm I have two step siblings and a brother we will call Ken. I have a step mother we will call Sydney. I’m not sure how to start this to be honest nor am I the best and writing things out properly so sorry in advance.

My father when I was 16 got me a car he bought it originally for racing but decided it was nice enough for me to drive as my first car ( it was nice as a starter car and I loved it ) but it had issues it had sat for 8 or 9 years so i had to buy a new alternator a new battery the struts needed to be replaced it made this horrible thunking noise whenever I turned it left I took it to the mechanics and it had a 2000 dollar quote on how much it would cost to fix all its issues. It shifted really roughly so I think the tranny was going out and it had a really bad gas leak ( my dad fixed it later but idk)

My grandfather had given my brother his old car and a parts car. I was going to inherit a different old truck but he said he’d help me pick something nice out for the exact price he spent on Ken’s car( Ken had two vehicles one from my dad one from my grandfather and the parts car, my grandfather had given him as well) he thought the car my dad got me was unsafe that’s why he wanted to do this for me. (I felt really bad abt it I still do )

so when my grandmother and grandfather saw this old ford on facebook my uncle was selling (it was in great shape no rust he replaced the struts breaks and a bunch of other stuff with only 109k miles on it )my grandfather immediately had my uncle bring it over and let me drive it for a week. (The ford is a little older than my old car but it’s in far better shape.)

I told my dad and Sydney i really like this truck and want it ( I had my dad come and look at it to because I wanted his opinion) they were both upset and kept saying my old car was fine( it wasn’t I had been having issues getting it to start before work at that point ) I told my dad I was really sorry but I was gonna get the truck( grandfather bought it for me) my dad said ok but Sydney was really upset (I don’t remember very well. It was a long time ago.) she said something like it’s unfair towards ken I get this new vehicle. ( Ken literally already has two vehicles but ok) yeah she kept going on and on about how it was unfair towards Ken that I got this vehicle.

Now I’ve had this truck for a bit i’ve gotta take it in for like a minor issues and maintenance. Nothing like my old car and it’s been far cheaper on gas cause there’s no gas leak and I love this vehicle. I got CarPlay in it now and AC!! this car has cost me a lot less than my old one had at a year of having it. But Sydney and my father both make comments when I take this vehicle in for either routine maintenance or it’s had a little issues . Like Sydney belittles me for getting this car even though my brother has had far more issues with both his vehicles because he’s so rough on stuff where I’m just caring for my vehicle and doing routine maintenance. While my old car I never took in because it would’ve been two grand to get all the issues fixed and my mechanic said it was just a waste to do all that and it wasn’t worth it.

Then after all this I tried selling my old car for 500 bucks to at least get some of my money back I spent a lot on repairs. But no, my Dad did not let me. He said he would pay me 500 though because I spent so much fixing it. And so he can race it now.

But a few months later he lets Ken sell his old car for 500 bucks! And my dad still hasn’t given me the 500 for my old car like he said he would! (Which is ok ig idk)

Then he buys Ken a new car right after all this ( this cars far newer then my old car and in better shape it’s 2010 my old one was early 2000s)

But after all this complaining abt me getting a new vehicle they get Ken this nice new car ?! Like yeah me getting this ford that’s safer for me to drive is unfair but you buying him a new car isn’t unfair? After Sydney kept bitching at me for weeks abt how” unfair”it was?!

But this isn’t even the first time they’ve done unfair stuff like this! Like for me and Ken’s 18th birthday’s (they are really close together) Sydney had to drive all the way to my grandparents house while me Ken and my mom were there on my mom’s day. To drop his birthday present off.( we had split custody at the time)my mom also told Ken she didn’t want Sydney to stop at my grandparents house and that he could get his gift from Sydney tomorrow since that day we would be at my dads. But nope she came anyway.

Then Ken had his birthday party the next day at my dads. while I was at work ( which yeah it’s his birthday idc ) but I had seen his decorations and stuff Sydney even said it was for his birthday!

This all goes along with the story I’m not just going off on random birthday stuff.

So for my birthday I had my bff over because I had the vibe there would be no party for me there would be no presents for me and I didn’t want to deal with that alone.

So I got home with my bff.( let’s call them Noah) so me and Noah walked into my house hoping for at least a happy birthday and maybe a present ( nothing big money maybe red-bull idc anything) but nope Sydney never even said happy birthday to me not once when we entered the house. ( she made ken his fav food for his birthday!did she do that for me? No) (Sydney apparently didn’t even know Noah was coming over my dad must not have told her ig🤷‍♂️

But no I got not party no presents not even a happy birthday ( I did get a happy birthday from my dad but no party or presents but at the very least he had said happy birthday ) while Ken he got all of it a part present! But Sydney and dad left to go to Sydney’s sisters they didn’t even stay they were gone all night.

Noah said they felt terrible for me so they said we should make a cake but we had none of the stuff at my house so we got Taco Bell together and made cake at their place celebrating with their parents( they sang me happy birthday and gave me hugs) so my birthday was pretty fun with them!

I just hate how my dad and Sydney treat me. And I feel like I’m a third wheel in my own house. They get everyone food but forget to get me food all the time. ( Ik I’m 18 yes I can feed myself obviously but they always buy Ken dinner when they buy food for the family )so I don’t understand why I’m always forgotten or treated differently.

There is even more stuff that’s happened this is me trying to be semi short with it all.

Would I be the A hole for wanting to move out?

My dad has a long distance relationship with my stepmom and their relationship is going through a rough patch.

I am spending half of my summer with my dad at our vacation home where I spend time with my relatives and have most if my childhood friends are at that i only get to see once a year.

My dad informed me that I will be needing to spend 10 days at my moms house in the city because my step mom wants to visit, I am still in my teens and there is still room for all of us here and I don’t understand why they need to be alone for 10 days

my idea was that I would be there for 5 more days, I would get to meet her and they would get some alone time.

My dad decided to say no. After that i said that if she doesn’t want to spend time with me and meet me then i wouldn’t put in the energy to try to be with her and get to know her. My step mom also is very overly protective of my dad and got mad that my mom had a picture of him on her facebook after my sister birthday party.

I am not a hundred percent sure it was her that didn’t want to meet me but i’m still mad that that there relationship is hindering me from being with my friends that i only see once a year, and the only alone time i get with my dad.

I am sorry this is badly written English is not my first language .

I F22 grew up in a dysfunctional environment which to this day affects me. this story has many players and is long but i need some insigh.

Step father= SF ,Stepmom = SM , Mom= M Dad = D Half brother = HB Younger brother = YB older sister = S

Family friend Couple = FC

I was born in to a big house in a rich area with loving parents and a involved loving family. Things changed when i turned 2 my mom and dad had a ugly divorce, just after giving birth to my YB ( D left her for SM). Our family became distant aswell.

Me, YB, S and M moved into a small townhouse in an estate. Shorlty after my mom became good friends with a neighbouring couple who had a son the same age as YB. They became like family and we all did everything together.

Family Friend Couple introduced my mom to their life long friend. When I was 7 my mom remarried, introducing SF.

He brought joy into our home again, taking us on adventurous trips to beautiful places and his family became close to us. To me life started making sense again and i was very happy.

Then HB was born and S aged 13 moved to live with D and SM.

▫️Okay So when i turned 9….. things got very complicated and devastating. D passed away and S moved back home. a few months later she was punished, her phone taken away, not allowed to eat with us or see friends for a month. Really weird. I walked into her room one time where she was crying with a knife to her neck but as a 9 year old i was clueless, just noticed the house aura felt very off. Few months later M divorced SF telling us he is “Soul Sick“.

SF would still come over to pick up HB and we saw him almost every other day, he cane with us on vacations and was at every social event, M and SF still acted the same as when married, sort of like he was just living somewhere else. One thing I noticed was S was never there when SF was.

Forward to when I was 13, a friend came with me M HB YB and SF on a camp trip, M asked him to supervise us at the pool and thats when I started feeling very uncomfortable around him and even my friend because SF was chasing us trying to tickle us. Wierd af.
its there i started putting pieces together that something bad happened between him and my sister.

When I was 15 my sister told me the full story…

Remember when she was punished well well well. SF took S into the garage and showed her pictures he took of S and her friend while bathing on a hidden camera. then hinted towards wanting to groom he. Disturbed and scared S ran to M to tell her what happene. SF told M its a lie and M believed him. S was punished and even her friends parents did not believe her and told her they were not allowed to be friends anymore. She was 13 wtf.

After a month her friends parents decided to give her benefit of the doubt and asked her to steal his laptop. The took SF laptop to an IT person who uncovered deleted photos proving S was telling the truth.

Back to where i am now 15, SF started coming over to our house to do work and cook. I would come home from school and it was just me and SF at the house. I felt incredibly uncomfortable. After weeks of this I asked my mom that this could stop and SF could stay out of the house. M then revealed they were planning to get married again. I was crushed.

SF moved in and then Covid lockdown struck.

It was awful I stayed in my room all the time and felt very uncomfortable constantly.
I caught him snooping through my room when I was not there. Asked M for a lock on my door and she said NO. Lockdown started step down and my mom would go out for groceries. One day I was taking a shower in the bathroom connected to my moms room and heard the door open and close, thought my m cane back from the shops. After getting out of the shower i noticed something strange , a digital clock facing the room that was not there before. My heart dropped and i knew what it was. a Camera. I ran to my room to see it SF goes back to get it and he did. Wtf.

a few weeks later my best friend came over and i noticed the digital camera again in M’s room right before we wanted to shower. I grabbed it hid it in my washing basket and decided to stay at my friends house for a few weeks.

When I went back the digital clock was missing from my washing basket. reminder i was 16 at the time. i moved to my S house for a month and the first time in 2 weeks where m visitits guess who she brings with her, Yeah SF.

Fast forward i spent months showering in the dark and dressing underneath my bedroom sheets in the the dark when getting ready for school.

one night I was lying in bed scrolling tiktok, and i saw someone peaking over the wall outside my bedroom. Shocked as i watched a shadow approaching out front door thinking someone is going to break in… then I saw it was SF.
i ran to M crying telling what happened and she asked him about it he denied and she said to me what do you want me to do about it and went back to bed.

I started skipping school and living either at my bf house or friends. one day ehile at home i saw an opportunit, the first time M and SF left the house toghether in month. i grabbed YB and we started snooping through SF’s stuff. I found it !!!!! The digi camara smashed up inside a pencil case along with 100s of usb.

YB and I took the Usb and thought to see was on there and the first one we tried had 1000s of personal photos from my sisters Google photos accoun. I immediately called S and she told me to get out of the house to my bf where S’s friends parents who helped before will pick up the pencil case.

Told M if he is not out of the house Im not coming back. M never asked if I was okay just told me to give her a week. My bf broke uo with me and i then moved in to S’s friends parents home who also took me to school.

ill leave it there for now.

My (22m) and my “stepdad” (40m) have lived together now for a long time, my mum got with him when I was around 8 and they dated for a while until he eventually moved in, for a year or so we had a good relationship and used to play on Wii together all the time, until one day we had an argument over if he can tell me what to do or not and from that point on I hated seeing his face it made my stomach turn. (to add I also know my bio dad and have a brilliant relationship with him, he’s one of my best pals these days but he lives well out of town I’d have to change my entire life to move in with him) after that I always had an attitude with him because I just have this distaste for him, it did not get better as I grew up and it always started by me and my mum having a slight argument and he comes to her defence and mum uses the excuse that his dad and brother fought a lot when he was younger so he gets triggered, I call complete bullshit because how can a grown man get that triggered he has a fight with a 14 year old lad. Since being an adult I started training mma at 18 as he told me once “if you were ten years older I’d knock you out” and inevitably last year we had a fight that ended with me almost choking him out. Has anyone else had shit like this with their so called stepdads? I never went to child protective services because I knew I could hold my own against him.

My mom and my stepdad have been together for over 7 years. I am a 15 year old female and my biological father is dead. I am extremely grateful that my mom has found love but if i'm being completely honest I don't like him and never really have. I will never call him my dad, I don't see him as my father and he doesn't treat me like a daughter. He is maga, he doesn't believe in mental health, hes very argumentative, and super christian. He has anger issues and has thrown stuff before and yells over nothing. I've noticed recently he's changing my mom. he's a lot more controlling than her. She's always been laid back, content as long as we are safe and trying. My mom even says like he forced her in to marriage and talks a lot about how he does things she doesnt like. He yells at me for wearing clothes he doesnt like, and you could say thats normal but i have been overweight my whole life and have never once wore a crop top without a tank top underneath. i usually wear sweats and shirts but its 90 degrees out. i dont like shorts that show my stomach so im only comfortable in a few and he yells at me for wearing them. they arent short they cover all of my butt and have undershorts. Another thing is that i have pretty bad anxiety and aside from him not even thinking anxiety's a thing this affects my everyday life. I am tired of going to school and im more nervous than ever talking to people. I want to take one year of online school before going back and everytime i bring it up he screams saying he wont let me and that i have to finish school in person. He also has been getting mad at me for spending my own money that i earned from my job on hockey cards (which is one of the things that make me actually like life). I dont want him to be involved in decisions in my life at all. I understand this sounds mean but i dont see him as my father and would feel much better if only my mom was the one overseeing my life issues. How could i talk to my mother baout this or am just overreacting??

https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/s/HfBOMrK7WV

I made a post a few days ago, regarding my relationship with my dad and how his wife had been affecting things.

So apparently I posted this without fully understanding. My dad has been speaking to her about doing things just him and I, specifically this tattoo. I had texted him “is she coming?” And he knew immediately that I didn’t want her to, but she saw the text and lost her shit.

He didn’t go into too much detail, but it was apparently quite the blowout, I don’t even understand why. My dad and I have been planning this since before I was even old enough for tattoos. This has never and will never have anything to do with her.

I think he just feels at a loss at this point, he believes this is just how it’s going to be. I said that’s absolutely insane, she has her own children to spend time with. (One of which, by the way is still actually a child and I’m sure he would love to spend time with his mother as well.)

I am so lost and frustrated and annoyed and just all of the negative feelings about this.

It’s nice to hear that my dad is making an effort, but at the end of the day if she gets mad enough, she gets her way - which is every single time. I don’t know if I can even do anything at this point.

So I (17) f (almost 18) and my step dad (I don't know his age) had only met two times before my mother's wedding. The first time I met the man was 7 months ago when I was at my grandparents house violently sobbing because my dad had died. My mom knew how I felt about the situation and frankly didn't care and didn't even try to mend the situation at all.

INFACT while I was mourning (I still am, but not at much) she would not stop talking about the man. Because of my mom's actions and my lack of experience with him, it's like a stranger is in my house.

Every time I think about the situation I can't help but be filled with extreme sadness and anger. It's not nearly my step 'dad', it's the situation. His mere existence feels like a huge slap in the face because my parents hadn't even been divorced a year, and my dad had died. (I was extremely close to him, and was taking care of him)

My mother and him make me hate being in my house, and frankly I can't wait to leave. I can't stand them talking about my dad, like at all. I have had to be put on antidepressants on top of other medication to help me in school. This whole situation has ruined the happiness I had spent years repairing, and I hate it. I hate him, and my mom.

Is this normal? Does life ever get better? I don't expect many answers, but I needed to get it off my chest.

I'm gonna get out of here as soon as I can.

Hey Reddit I’ve never posted on here before but want to know if anyone else understands how I’m feeling.

A little background I am 18F my mom married my step dad when I was 9 and I met him when I was 6 about to turn 7 we moved in not long after my meeting him. My bio dad is no longer in my life and I currently him off when I was 12 he was a terrible person.

My step father when I first met him he was kind and a nice guy to be around I didn’t have any hatred towards him until after I cut my bio dad off. When I was growing up my bio dad was very absent I would see him maybe a few times a year so I would call any male figure in my life dad but I never really felt like I had a father if that makes sense. I called my SD dad a few times when I was really young before my mom and he got married but it felt weird so I stopped. My SD worked away up on the Riggs before and a little after my mom got married so he wasn’t around a lot so it didn’t feel like a big change. I started seeing my dad more after I turned 9 but it was still really on and off and at the time he was being abusive but I didn’t understand. My SD was kind and he made me feel welcome but there was always a thought in my head that it was temporary I guess.

When I turned 13 my father and I were going to court and dealing with a lot of different things naturally my mental health took a rapid decline and I started $h and become very slewarslidal iykwim and I started to become very closed off and around this time my step dad started to become very heavily religious I grew up going to church but it turned into a obsession for him which made me resent god. My mom and I were always fighting and so were my step dad and I and it just went down from there. At 14 I started smoking weed and stopped shortly after bc I got caught but he would throw it in my face In any argument and just tell me I do nothing and that I’m just a disappointment. My mom and him had a baby together when I was 12 and it was during Covid so I would babysit him every single day 6-8 hours a day for 4 years along with doing chores and I want to clarify I did not mind doing those things I knew my mom and my SD needed the help. After awhile I would watch my SD and his son and how he would raise him and I would just get so angry because I never got that from my dad. And no it’s not his fault but it just became a silent resentment. I grew up in a very strict house I was never allowed to go out I couldn’t have social media until I was 17 I wasn’t allowed to have male friends I couldn’t do a lot I would list of but it would take too long. I would still end up doing some of them I never snuck out or stole from my parents cuz I knew I would be murdered. But when I turned 16 I started actually hanging out with friends and going out but my step father would accuse me constantly of doing drugs when I wasn’t or sleeping around (I’d like to clarify I had one boyfriend throughout all of highschool and almost got kicked out at 17 because of it) on my 16th birthday him and my mom got into a HUGE fight because she caught him watching porn and they started hitting eachother and I had to get in between them and beat him off of her and my brother came running up and almost got knocked down the stairs. I had to shield my brother with my body because my SD was trying to take him from me cutting me with his nails in the process and bruising my brothers arm he proceeded to go into my moms bathroom and smashed everything. He apologized and they never spoke about it again but I cannot get over it.

My brother is 6 and told me the other day when I was watching him that when I wasn’t home they got into another fight and he pushed my mom into the shower. I was livid but didn’t want to cause anything. My mom and SD are Christian’s and as am I but I don’t fit in my SD narrative a listen to music he doesn’t like I dress grungy I’m just much more ALT let’s say I have gauges and he sent me a text a few months ago bc of it just telling me how disgusting I am and how I’m a disappointment or how my peircings are gross I have one nostril piercing and then my ears pierced that’s it. I have a job I am graduating tomorrow and yesterday was my “prom” and I decided to dance with my mom for the parent dance and he through a fit. When I got home he texted me again saying that he wont tolerate disrespect and that if I need anything to not ask. And brought up how I vape “they found out yesterday” my mom wasn’t mad about it she was more just disappointed but he wants to kick me out I’m 18 legally can smoke drink and vape he’s been sleeping on the couch for the last two nights which is right above my room.

My mom says I need to be more respectful when I am I truly am I cussed him out one time purely because he just kept calling me a whore and how my scars are embarrassing for him and how my mental health is just a ploy for me to get attention. Further more I have caught that man watching porn so many times including once I had to sleep upstairs on the couch because I spilled something on my bed and he didn’t see me and started watching it infront of me and I screamed at him. I say thank you when he drives me to work or anything I bought him a cake and made him a big card on his birthday and then told me I did nothing for his birthday and I don’t like Father’s Day it’s a hard day for me every year and he knows that and told me he understands and then last night told me that I was shitty and that I’m ungrateful. I don’t know what to do

I cannot stand him there has been so much that has happened and he wants me to respect him but in full honesty I don’t think there’s anything to respect he treats me like crap when he’s mad at my mom and he does try and we have good days and talk and crack jokes but others it’s unbearable he got mad at me because I don’t post a picture of him on instagram last night when I posted my mom and my friends.

Maybe I just sound like a petty teenager but idk I feel crazy

My(f23) dad(m59) met my stepmom(f53) when I was 18. She has always been jealous of our relationship. We used to go on drives, she shut that down. We used to go out to the garage together, she shut that down. We used to just do regular things without her, she shut that down. The first time we lived together, it got so bad I collected my cats and took off to my uncles. My dad eventually followed and we ended up living just the two of us again for a year or so. Needless to say they got back together, got married, and moved in again.

We’ve had hours of discussions revolving this issue, that it’ll be okay we are father and daughter the relationships are different, she’s working through it-all excuses.

Since this happened, I’ve left to live with my boyfriend’s family. Thankfully, there is no clear and simple strain on our relationship. I get along with my dad, I’ve been closest to him for my entire life. Since she’s come around, nothing is the same. She claims to have been to therapy, working on herself etc, but to me it just seems like she’s getting better at hiding her intentions.

Regular Facebook posts about the “bonus dad” to her kids, with no mention of me.

I see my dad almost every weekend for breakfast, and she is always there. I don’t feel right about asking her not to come, because she will react very negatively and it’s just not worth it.

Most recently, my dad and I made a plan to get a tattoo together. Something we’ve been discussing for years. We finally made the appointment for us to do something together.. and then I get a text. He’s invited her.

I’m just so exhausted and done with trying to maintain this relationship while she’s actively trying to steer him the other way. My dad is not a fighter, if something is upsetting her he just won’t do it. Apparently that includes spending time with me.

Should I even continue trying to mend this? Or just accept it for what it is?

My (17nb) mom married my SD around three years ago. He lives in Jamaica so he comes to visit us once in a while. Whenever he's here my mom's attention is mostly on him. Whenever he isn't there I'd go to my mom's room and hang out in there and harass her, but whenever he's here he closes the door and it feels weird to go in her room anymore. She takes him out on trips, they go shopping together, everything me and her used to do. My brothers aren't as close to her as I am so they don't have a problem, but I miss being able to hang out with my mom.

She's really happy with him so I don't wanna ruin anything, but I'm not sure how to cope with the jealousy I have towards my SD. Any advice would be great!

So I’m 16 years old and I’ve done very little with my life and the past few months I haven't really been doing chores and I’ve been hardly eating and my parents are pissed about both of those a lot and I’ve also been in a very bad headspace I’ve been suicidal for about 2 years I’m 6 months clean from cutting myself and I’m glad I am I never thought I’d be able to stop but here i am but anyways today my stepdad told me I’m a worthless fucking pussy that wants nothing to do with his life and honestly that really hurt me and if he told me this a few months ago i probably would’ve killed myself

Okay so I want to know if I’m the a hole or not. So from the start when I was five years old my mom met this dude named Lewis, I truly never let it go that my dad died when I was only four and my mom moved on so fast. Then this is were it all went down because me and my two older sisters lets call them C and G, you see C and G loved each other the did, but they would also fight a lot and I think when he came in they felt uncomfortable, I felt kind of sick when I first met him but I told myself new start right? wrong, how terribly wrong was my five year old brain was. he acted like he was my dad which I hated and my mom would but him back in place which I appreciated because he would sit there and get in my face and yell at me and spit in my face, he did that to C and G as well and thats when they really started to get tired of him. Us four were doing fine together because C and G were smart, mom had a good job and we had a two story apartment if that makes since, I think it was at sandpiper apartments, and I really just being a dumb five year old with my brain cells kicking in. It really wasn’t much of a problem because we were all girls, until he got my mom pregnant with my little sister, I’ll call her A since me, her and my mom name starts with an a which can kind of get tricky but Ill try to keep our names simple. But when he moved in he said he would help with bills and never did and that’s when we got an eviction and had to move to Citronelle to live with my grandma and mom had A in Mobile and A was in the ICU because mom HAD to give birth early from all the stress of moving and lifting heavy things, and this is the part that messed me up he didn’t even try to help, he just disappeare. Then he popped back up when Ava was born and really did visit like that, when I was around 6 or 7 years old we moved into ”The crossings at cottage hill” I will admit me and my little sister was bad, we did a lot of things that would make people gasp, if you looked at us you would think were angles but when you got to know us, oh boy. That when things got bad, he started twisting the narrative on my sisters and yeah they argued and broke things so he used that and to his advantage and make them seem disrespectful and gross and yeah sometimes they would be but only because they had the best reasons and I’ll tell you more about that later in the story because he made me feel that type of way too. one day Lewis and C got into a argument about C using my moms bathroom which was so petty of his even though she did have a bathroom he was just being mean and she told him to get out of her face and he started choking her and she called the police and she showed them the marks and he got arrested. see this is the part my mom was mad about, he told her he was leaving because he kept doing this thing were he’d be there for a while and then disappea for however long he wanted and come back, so when he lied to my mom and did that she was angry but not just that she absolutely hated the fact he put his hand on C. After that is when C and G started going to CPS and telling them some things, and I didn’t make it better because the only thing I did was instigate, and by that I meam telling my sisters something what Lewis and mom said and telling mom what they said, all I did was make it worse and I still hate myself for doing that, because that was what really threw to gasoline on the fire. But we ended up getting evicted from there to because again he did the same thing, say he was going to help with bills and never even glanced at a paper, I only remembered him having one job for about a month before I think he quit or lost the job. So we my grandma came to help us, if I didn’t say this earlier when we moved the first time she helped too, we moved out as much as we could but we didn’t have enough space to carry the glass for the dining room set he convinced mom to get we have the parts of the table and the chairs just not the glass, and to get a new glass is almost $500 to $600. The new king sized bed and dresser mom got that he convinced mom to get, if you notice he always does a lot of convincing, but we lived there for about almost 3 years until my mom saved up enough to get a new apartment, it isn’t in the best shape but it was something. But They had many kitchen incident, I might do that another time because I have way too much on my mind and it’s like 2:21 in the morning that I am writing this, not to mention my 6th and 7th grade year trauma. But he just showed me a ring around 12 something just two hours ago he wanted to prop to mom, to be honest mom was telling grandma about how she really didn’t want him here to begin with because of all he put her through. And also so to get this off my chest, one night we were at the golden nugget and we stayed there for two nights and we had two separate beds for me and A and one for Lewis and mom and I went throug his search history and found porn tabs, like the whole thing was main porn videos and stuff and I was disgusted because this man was 63 and my mom was 40 she really didn’t want to be bothered with his old a anyway, not to mention he drinks and smokes and my mom absolutely hates that, she doesn’t do any of that stuff at all, I haven’t seen that woman drink wine or anything not a day in my life. she hates the taste of any type of alcohol, my mom’s side doesn’t drink or smoke, the least they will all drink is wine and only about two or three times have I seen my moms side drink wine before and mom didn’t even have any. and she absolutely hates when he gets in bed smelling like cigarettes and weed. This was a couple nights before when we were all hungry and he had mom drive somewhere so he could give his brother some food that was literally a grown man thats an acholic meanwhile we were all ready to eat our food, our stomachs were literally growling and he had mom drive somewhere else and tried to ask if he could stay for a drink and mom snapped and she was not having it and she shut that down real fast, we left and went home but the whole car ride mom was pissed and they were arguin. as soon as we got home we went out to drink and smoke and he came in later talking about going to drive to the store to buy some more cigars when he just had one yesterda, and he wasn’t about to drive moms car because he had already wreck her maroon car and she got a white carolla Toyota that a guy he had working on moms car messed it up even worse and mom stopped trusting him with her car. so he walked and had been gone for hours and the store is like down the street, even a snail could go to the store and come right back faster than he did, it was like 2 or 3 when he came back and while he was out he pocket dialed A phone and she gave it to mom and he wasn’t talking crap about how he did this and that and how she was tripping to his friends or whoever, when first off the stuff he got mom already had in the storage and was going to get until he decided to do it. Not to mention the whole time they have been together mom was the only one with a job bedside that one month he had a job. But when he came back she went off, she yelled that he wasnt going to disrespect her house like he used too, she said “if he did it again “then don’t bother coming back and I put that on god, on my life I’m done with that bs” yeah she was really tired of him, the next morning she was on the phone with grandma telling her about it because Lewis had practically destroyed her friend circle. She said he’s not bringing any money for bills and not helping, she was also talking about other things he did like he has a whole big bottle of alchlol and it was almost gone in two days. but a day after that I didn’t see the bottle again so I was vacuuming the carpet and I moved the box that our fireplace used to be in until I finally built it and I look in the box and see the big empty bottle and I said oh hell no. I pushed the box back in the box were it was and left that crap alone, he was supposed to take it to the dumpster but never did because his back always hurts, but it never seems to hurt when he wants some beer or liquor, me and A wanted to go to the pool and he said his back was hurting and never took us. but the thing that got me was he said he was going to VISIT for a little while then said he was staying until August the 11, that’s the whole summer I have to spend with this bum. But what’s been really driving me insane is the living room tv. the walls are thin so you can practically hear the tv, especially because my room is right next to the living room and all I hear are his stupid shows play form early in the morning to almost 3 or 4 in the morning and then he spends all day watching tv then go to sleep then get back up and watch tv and don’t get me started on door, this man will sit here and eat 3 to 4 sandwiches in one sitting and then throw all of it back up, I’ve had to clean off the trash can lid so many times, he does this with almost everything he eats, not to mention his firm pop belly and god please help me say this, his hands feet legs and arms look like pufferfish, especially his feet, they look like they lose circulation everyday. and he spits up mucus randomly and one day I caught him, this grown ahh man look around spit on the floor inside of a store. It takes me a look of power to not actually hurt this man, you know what they say, the best way to a mans heart is through his stomach. I know what I might do will go straight to his heart. JK!!! I’m not that cray cray! But just let me know if any one wants a part two of my crazy life!

Trigger warning: death of a child, dv and VERY long post

I 19f met my step-dad 40s m when I was around 6 or 7 years old. At the time I was attending boarding school. At my school we would go home on the weekends and during holidays. I would alternate between my mom and step-dad and then my dad and stepmom. At the beginning of our relationship he was honestly perfect even though he was very quiet and introverted by nature. At this stage of my life I was still bubbly and outgoing so we had a lively relationship and I was comfortable with him and able to have conversations with him

All of sudden when I was 10 years old spending the school holidays with my mom, she told me that I need to stop talking with him so much because he is moody. I didn't understand at all but I followed her request. After that point our only interactions were just greeting in the morning. I think this is where my "fear" and discomfort with him started.

Please note that by discomfort, I don't mean to say that he's a creep or tried something. Just that we no longer had the relationship we used to have and I felt a bit out of place and awkward.

I left boarding school at the age of 10 and started living with my dad and step mom until I was 13. I would visit him and my mom during the school holidays. Our only interactions were still just greetings. He wasn't abusive and he didn't mistreat me but again I just felt awkward and uncomfortable around him. I couldn't even sit in the front seat of his car comfortably.

I started living with him and my mom when I was 14. In as much as our relationship was awkward, he still took care of me and my mother. From the time we met he has done so much for me which I am of course deeply grateful for. The year I started living with him I had to attend a school which was far from where we lived. It was 30 minutes in the OPPOSITE direction of where he worked but he still took me to school and back every single day without fail or complaining. He also helped with finding me a new school for the next year. He would also buy me clothes when he bought clothes for my mom, sister and his son ( my stepbrother).

Obviously life wasn't perfect and issues would pop up here and there but things were fine generally.

Things started changing at the end of the year that I started living with them but I never paid too much attention to it.

He started a habit of disappearing at night. Most times he would just sit in his car for hours on end and when his mother (my step grandma) came to visit she herself noticed this. Things gradually got worse and I noticed that he would start fights and arguments with my mom in front of my sister whom I have a ten year age gap with so she would have been 4 to 6 at the time she started witnessing this. (He even argued with my mom in front of his own mother once)Some of them were him disagreeing with her parenting as he didn't agree with how my mom disciplined her ( she wasnt hitting her btw)

I also noticed that he would talk down to her. Whenever he was explaining something he would always expect her to finish his sentences like a teacher who is trying to make his student connect the dots on their own. My mom is also unemployed (for context we are south african and the unemployment rate here is unbelievably high. She did not go the university route. She went to technical college and did an apprentice which is kind of like trade school. She has been applying for jobs since i was in primary school. Im done with school and she still hasnt found a job.) Because he was the breadwinner (and a man) I always felt like there was a hierarchy and he was at the top of it. Then came my little sister, my little brother ( we had a 14 year age gap) then finally me and my mom. I based this hierarchy on how much respect each of us had in this household.

Things took a turn for the worst when I was 16 years old. My little brother passed away a few months before he turned 2 years old(For context he was sick all his life. But the way that he was sick wasn't like a disease or illness. Its like there was ALWAYS something wrong. One day he'd have flu, the next he had a fever, the next he had a cough. At any point in time he was sick. This was his life from the time that he was born. My mom was always at the clinic or hospital. At the end of 2022 and the beginning of 2023 his already declining health took a turn for the worse and he passed a few months later.)

Obviously we were all devastated. To be honest I don't remember much from this year. I do remember that he continued with his disappearing act. Then he did something that should have made me hate him right then and there. One night I heard him and my mom talking about the day my brother passed. He implied/accused my mom of doing something that killed him. He said :" i was with him when you were bathing and he was fine. What did you do to him" ( for context the day he died they planning on taking him to the hospital already. They woke up early to beat the lines and they took turns watching him as they each got ready to go). I have no clue how my mother got past that.

A year before my brother even passed my mom showed me a message that he sent her saying that he didn't want the responsibility of having a family anymore. At this point he was pretty much absent in our lives but still present if that makes sense. When he would come back from work he'd hole himself in my sister's room which he sleeps in ( I've been forced to share a room with my sister because he sleeps in her room and has since we moved into this house) only coming out to eat and watch tv. After my brother passed he picked up where he left off and just continued with his absent activities barely engaging with us.

I guess my mom got tired of his behavior and absenteeism because one day when I got home from school she told me that she was going to fight with him when he got home. His work day ends around 3 or 4 because he is professor but he'd arrive home at 6 or 7. She locked me and my sister in my room from the outside. Since it was dark the front door we use to enter the house was locked. When he got home and from the way he violently knocked on the door and yelled at my mom for taking to long to come open ( she was in the bathroom) I just knew it was going to be bad. I didn't see anything Obviously but I heard everything that happened. When he sat down to watch TV my mom went up to him and tried to confront him but he was just yelling that he wants to watch TV. Im assuming he didn't want to talk to her so he got up to leave because I later found out that she pushed him first. I'm gonna assume she tried to push him into the couch. He retaliated and I don't know what he did but I heard her screaming and he got her all the way to my bedroom door. She unlocked my door and I could see that she had a bruising around her eye which would later swell and turn dark. She proceeded to call her friends and family about what happened. He called his brother who drove from an hour away to try to control the situation. The only thing I heard him say after was " this woman is trying to expose me"(not sure what this even means). I think the reason why he said this is because he was a respected member of our community. He positioned himself as a hero and leader in our community ( for context we live in sort of a makeshift, lower middle class estate which is actually a new development. This development had many municipal problems with water ,electricity and safety). The community would host meetings about these issues and he was prominent member there and he was known as someone who is reliable. People would go to him for help regarding these issues and he did help. For example he was part of an initiative to hire 24 7 security and all the people in the community would have to contribute and pay a monthly fee for this security.

When his brother arrived my mom and step-dad were airing their grievances with each other and I remember her saying that she feels like he doesn't respect her because she is not working.

With regards to the fight I know that my mother was in the wrong. I'm not sure if she meant for it to get physical but ultimately she did plan it and told me about it before it happened. She herself took responsibility for her actions and apologized to me after. This however, doesn't absolve him for his role. He literally Gave her a black eye!

I guess he apologized to her because 2 days later everything was hunky dory again.

Things continued on like this. They would get into fights (non physical) and he would randomly give my mother the silent treatment then come around after some time. Sometimes it would go as long as 3 weeks or longer. He already had minimal involvement in our lives so there was always so much tension in the house.Despite my mom not working or owning a car when my sister was sick she had to find her own transport (mostly ubers, neighborsand friends) and money to get her treated. He also doesn't attend my sister's school meetings or help her with homework even though he is the educated one and can help. My mom helps her and if they struggle they come to me even when he isn't busy and I am . His only involvement in her academics is looking at her report card.

His only steady involvement in our lives was keeping us afloat financially. He works in the public sector so I understand he doesn't earn a lot and i recently discovered that he has a lot of debts, but he started pulling back financially. The only thing I would ask from him was to take me to school on weekends when I had extracurriculars or extra lessons in my senior year. my mom told me that he couldn't afford to keep taking me.

Note that it wasn't every weekend. More like a few times over the course of 3 months. Again I'm still grateful that he did take me when he could. My mom had to look for someone to transport me and I would pay him using money I got from my dad. Also note that my dad took care of my every financial need such as my school fees, Extra lessons etc. Because I live in his house my step dad took care of me in that capacity such as buying groceries for the house.

We gradually got to a point where I didn't have to ask him for anything.

Things have gotten even worse especially financially. He would still buy groceries but some months weren't the best in terms of food. What I mean by this is he'd buy groceries when he'd get paid but there are no weekly restock If something runs out. The most he would get is bread,milk and some snacks my sister can eat at school which didn't really last that long at home. However, in more recent times he has completely stopped buying groceries. My unemployed mother is the one who makes sure that we have food in the fridge. Sometimes he'll surprise us. But generally he has stopped buying groceries. If you're wondering where my mother gets the money from she gets it from me(from the money i get from my father), his mother and his sister! They know all about how we're living and how he is. And he doesnt know about it.

It's winter here in south africa and we can't turn the geyser on because it consumes too much electricity so everyday we have to boil water when we bath.

He is also cheating on my mom and has been for quite some time now. Everyone in the house knows. The woman he is cheating with lives here in our makeshift estate and she knows my mom. She also has the gall to greet my sister when she goes out to play. Whenever she needs something he'll prsctically trip running to her aid. I also found out that he gives her a hefty girlfriend allowance whenever she asks. Unfortunately as I've previously said my mom is unemployed and can't leave. She can't go to her mother either because she lives in the village and my sister who is primary school won't be able to adapt to learning in a completely different language. I also found out that he allegedly slept with a student of his so that's just great.

In the time since my brother passed they had another child who has down syndrome. In addition to not buying groceries he has also been wishy washy with her needs. He bought the child clothes in her first year of life but now it's my mom who has to do that. He would be good about buying her formula and diapers but now it seems like my mom is the one buying that. She's also a bit older so she doesn't need formula as much so that helps I guess.

His silent treatment originally was just toward my mom but now he ignores his kids as well. I've decided to stop greeting him so we're officially no longer talking.

I already know the answer but the big question here is my rage and growing hatred not justified?

Tldr: My step-dad was great in the beginning and now he is honestly terrible in every which way

Okay lets get some background info. Me (13F) and my boyfriend (14M) have been dating for about 10 months now, almost 11. In the beginning I hid our relationship from my parents because I wasn't allowed to date until I was in high school. Which is why I hid it for so long (I'm going into 9th grade this year by the way) I only told my mom when we had been dating for about 4 months. I didn't tell my step dad because he has some anger issues and it's really hard to tell him stuff, he has always been like that though. My mom was and is really supportive of us and trusts him with me because of how amazing he treats me. Now lets get to the point! I told my step dad that we were dating around 2 months ago. He didn't really care at first until he learned his last name. My boyfriend's last name is Dominguez, and for those who don't know, Dominguez is a Mexican last name. I want to say my boyfriend isn't fully Mexican, he's maybe around 10-20% Mexican. Ever since he learned his last name he has been really rude and racist towards him. MIND YOU!! My step dad has never, SEEN him, HEARD his voice, MET him, or even bothered to talk to him. The real reason I'm making this, is because around 2 weeks ago He brought over flowers for me just because he wanted too. I put them in a vase on the dining room table. After that I asked if he could come over later in the day because he never has and my mom would be home to watch us. When my step day woke up to go to work he asked where the flowers came from, my mom said "Boyfriend's name" just dropped them off for "My name" like 30 minutes ago. He rolled his eyes and continued getting ready for work. I was in the living room watching TV when this was happening and I kinda looked up and then just ignored it figuring he was being dramatic. Maybe like 3 minutes later he was screaming saying stuff like "This is MY house I decide who comes in and out of it" and "He's not welcome here, I don't want him near MY house". I kinda just sat there and obviously I kinda shrank into myself because I'm scared of him when he's like that. My mom kinda went silent and we waited till he left for work to start talking about it. My mom said stuff about how she was sorry he was like that and that he doesn't have the right to say anything about him because he hasn't even met him yet. I said I know and then asked if I could go hang out over at his house then since he can't come here. She said yes and then I went over there for a couple hours.

I want to add some more info on him as a person. He is WHITE, my whole family is and I hear him say the N word around 4-8 times a day. I HATE IT, it's so immature and childish in my opinion. Now the stupid thing is that, I've gone to my boyfriends house before and my step dad said he didn't want me going over there because I was unsupervised, (That's why I asked if he could come over to our house) So he doesn't like us being alone together, but when he was yelling at my mom about him coming over to our house he said that he didn't care where I went as long as he didn't come over here. So basically he just switches up his argument based on what works in the moment. Anyways I told my boyfriend this and he got really upset (Understandingly) and he already really doesn't like my step dad because of how he treats me, my sister, and my mom. So yea, I don't know how to end this but if anyone has dealt with this before or has any advice on what I can do please comment on this, I know that he's not going to change but I don't want my boyfriend to hate him, or not be able to come over here because of my step dad. Thank you for taking the time to read this and please give me some advice on what I should do.

Context: My dad (not biological, but raised me) married my stepmother when I was 12. She has always hated my sister and me because of our biological mom, who was a sex worker. Even though I haven't lived with my mom since I was 3 and don't like her, my stepmom constantly called her a whore to my face and projects that hatred onto me.

Growing up, she started petty "cleaning wars" (losing her mind over a drop of dish soap or water drops in the sink), forcing me to eat at friends' houses. She watches me constantly just to find things to complain about to my dad. Because of her jealousy, my dad won't even hug or show affection to me when she's in the room. I’m 22 now and still trapped here because my dad begs me not to leave—he's terrified she won't take care of him if I go. I've had enough and am finally planning to move out.

I was diagnosed this year realizing this environment has triggered severe depression and OCD. Surprisingly, my stepmom actually encouraged me to get a cat to help with my mental health. I love my cat, but her passive-aggressive behavior started almost immediately:

• Day 3: She claimed I "coddled" him because I checked on him during my work lunch breaks (he was less than a month old n in my room the whole time).
• Week 1: She told me to wash his dishes in the bathroom sink (which I was already doing).
• Week 2: She accused me of lacking "common sense about bacteria" and told me to wash them on the porch. even tho shes the one that told me to do it in my bathroom... I agreed to respect boundaries, but she still lied to my dad and told him I threw a fit about it.

Now, my dad told me to just keep the cat in my bedroom to avoid conflict. But because my stepmom started sleeping in the living room, my cat is effectively trapped in my room 24/7. I feel terrible keeping an animal confined, so I constantly have to take him on walks, car rides, or to my boyfriend’s house just so he can socialize and have space. I’m just so exhausted by her controlling personality shes had on me my whole life. Am i crazy in this, i usually am the one to always confront and communicate, should i converse about it or just leave the tension as is and worry about simply moving out ?