Approaching 30 years old, made a series of poor college/job choices after being homeschooled, and scared of the future.
What the title says. Also on a throwaway account since this whole part of my life is shameful.
I was homeschooled along with my sibling starting in what would have been 3rd grade. I had it better than some folks here-my parent had an actual teaching degree and we lived in a state that required documentation. Nevertheless, I feel permanently stunted and fucked up even now. I've come a long way but I can't catch up with my peers. It certainly doesn't help that I have diagnosed autism (which wasn't really supported much) and adhd (completely untreated/unsupported).
My sibling also has adhd and has managed to find more success than me, probably in part because they were parentified. They finished their college degree and have a job that pays ok, two things I never accomplished. I feel ashamed comparing our trajectories. I suffer from several health issues and have been on disability for years. I was accepted into a vocational rehabilitation program and was approved for the degree I picked, Industrial Design. I backed out last minute for a few reasons including not having adequate child support for my toddler, but perhaps more than anything I feel ashamed and afraid. Being older than everyone else and making stupid mistakes in class sounds horrifying.
Everyone says I have "potential" but I feel too old for that shit now. I'm halfway decent at writing and painting and have had professionals in those fields encourage further pursuit, but I don't believe in myself. I've worked "real" jobs before and waking up at a set time to go into highly autistic-unfriendly environments made me physically ill every day. When I was a child I wanted to run my own business and VR did offer that as an alternate path for me, but the statistics regarding small business startups and my mental problems make me skeptical (I do have a few business ideas I actually believe in, but the economy is not good as we all know).
I apologize for the info dump-I've been crying all morning reading the stories here, perhaps feeling sorry for myself. To whoever managed to read all this, thank you.