Rescheduling our wedding, I’m feeling weird
Hey everyone. So me and my longtime partner got engaged last year (November). My
Father in law was very unwell at the time, with a potentially scary prognosis. We decided therefore that we wanted to get married within a year of being engaged, so that everyone could be there. After talking about it with everyone, we settled on a date at the end of November, with a contingency plan.
Things seemed to be looking up for a while. Health was good. So we focused more and more on the November date. But we kept thinking about the possibility that things may not go as hoped. It’s an exhausting thing, trying to hold space for both eventualities, but I’m glad we did- we just got told that FIL only has a few months left. So we have decided to bring the wedding forward by two months to increase the chances of him being there and being able to participate. We’re basically starting from square one. But it’s worth it if my FIL can be there, as we love him so so dearly. My own dad (estranged and no-contact) died last year and my FIL has been a huge father figure in my life for the 9 years me and my FH have been together. My family (small), all live in different countries and getting my mom to commit to anything is very hard work.
I almost feel like I want to just hide from the world and be married without any kind of party. My FH is still slightly holding on the possibility of still keeping our November date as a party with the other 55 people that would have attended had we got married then (invites already sent out, all vendors booked). But i physically cannot deal with the idea of having to cancel closer to the date when we’ve already had to pivot in such awful circumstances. I just want to plan one thing. I think the wise thing would be to simply cancel that November date, or move it to the following year sometime….but then again grief is odd and I know how much it colours our lives in the months/year after.
I have hated this whole process, because of how complicated the family things have been both on my side with my traumatic upbringing and the tragedy on my FH’s side. I have not felt like I’ve been able to dream, or to get excited because at almost every turn something has tempered my feelings. I’m excited to be married to my FH, I just wish we could skip all of this. I am terrified that I will look back on my wedding day and just feel sad. My FH feels guilty (as if his father having terminal cancer is his fault?!) because my life has not been easy at all up to this point and he says he wishes at least that I could have had a straightforward wedding but I’ve told him that that’s not how it works. If I think too much about all the stuff I’ve had to be strong through and add this to the list of reasons to pity myself I am afraid I will fall into a deep hole and never come out, so better not to think about it that way. I have to stay focused on what actually matters.
Thank you so much for reading. Any advice you all have on how to deal with this all and the whole “tiny wedding, big party ages later” thing would be greatly appreciated.