u/Ok-Trouble-8790

I would like to confess that I am a desperate idiot. I spent the last week chatting with a guy that I matched with on a dating app. I really clicked with him, I really did. We had multiple long calls in which we flirted, we made each other laugh & we talked about our interests.

We lived about 3 hours away from each other on the train. My first moment of idiocy was when broaching the topic of meeting up, he said he said had no money & also 'couldn't be arsed' to travel to see me. Rather than realise that is a sign that he isn't that into me, I instead immediately offered to come to him. I thought he was different, that we really got on & I saw the best in him.

My second moment of idiocy was when I didn't stop & pause when in one of our phone calls, he let me know that he had issues with being 'attached' & because he 'really liked me', he thought he would run the risk of becoming attached - plus that he didn't want to do long distance. He was coked up on this call hence why I thought I could take what he had to say with a pinch of salt.

My final moment of idiocy? I actually went ahead & booked train tickets & a hotel for two nights to go & see this guy. This cost me £100s. He said he'd pay me half for the hotel though which I thought was so kind considering his circumstances. I'm so pathetic.

When I went to visit him, things initially were really good. We went to the hotel together, we laughed, we chilled, we were intimate, we went to sleep.

I had a nervous feeling though, which was sadly the only fear I trusted throughout this whole story. I woke up the next morning to him sitting on the side of the bed. 'Good morning' I said. 'I'm leaving' he replied.

I was confused. I asked him why? What happened? He then said he was having a 'mild panic attack'. I was shocked & concerned. Did I do something? Could I help him? Am I that distressing to be around?

He said that the night before I was 'a bit much' & I had annoyed him by laughing during the film that we were watching. He was trying to fall asleep to a film. He then said there was no romance between us.

I apologised for annoying him & being too much. I shouldn't have apologised, but I did. I didn't want to cry in front of him so I rolled over to face away from him as he stood over me. He then said goodbye & left.

Just like that, my delusion was shattered. My brain started screaming how much of a desperate idiot I am. I sobbed. I left the hotel a night early to go home - ruminating on what happened for the whole three hour journey.

I'm fun, I'm caring, I would genuinely say that I am not problematic, I have so much love to give. But as it stands, no one wants it. I have met so many new guys this year. This was the first time in my 27 years on earth that I'd travelled to meet someone.

At this rate, pigs will fly before I meet anyone who eventually wants to be with me.

Now I just need to start accepting my solo fate. It's the only way I can stay sane.

Sad, but a lesson learnt.

WYR be forgotten to the world or forget the world around you?

Accepting a solo life.