I feel like a whore for the amount of bodies i’ve accumulated after my SA.
I [19F] was a virgin before it all happened. I was a freshmen in college last year when I was drunk and got sexually assaulted by two different men on two separate occasions. Ever since then my whole life has plummeted. I had to move back home, i lost all my friends, my mental health is at an all time low, and i’m just incredibly hypersexual. All that is on my mind is sex and I hate it. It’s like when I see a man i’m attracted to I can’t keep my mind off of having sex with them. The first few bodies I loved the experience, but now it just feels like a thing that I do. I wish I could just say no, I even set boundaries beforehand. But it’s not the guys who break the boundaries, it’s me. I’ve been called every name under the sun by my ex friends. Easy, a slut, a whore. At first, I didn’t let it get to me. I thought what I was doing was me trying to process what i’ve been through. But now? I’m starting to believe it. I can’t go a day without being incredibly horny and I hate myself so much for it. I used to be so innocent and I wanted to save my virginity for my husband. But now I feel tainted. I’m lucky to not have gotten any STD’s because i’m careful with my sex, but i’m worried if I go any farther in this toxic healing process I might get some. I feel so incredibly disgusting all I see myself right now is as a sex symbol. I wish it was as easy to just say no. I told my friends about what I do and they said “If you hate it so much, why don’t you just stop?” I wish I could. I’ve tried. My lust gets the best of me and when I start feeling aroused there isn’t much I can do to stop it. I feel so empty