u/OkMoose9455

I am 37F and my partner is 50M enmeshed with multiple .members of his family. They have a happy compliance enmeshment family dynamic. They also manipulate using love nombing and the niece ( who is 29) tells me to not let me take away her ownly uncle.

We started therapy about 2 months ago, and the therapist does not want me to mention family.

The therapist is focusing on :

1. removing the villain hat - my partner feels he lost soo much time with his family because of me and their family blames me for everything
2. strengthens the relationship
3. touching the family dynamics

He said that there is so many of them ( 2 sister, one brother, two niece, and a few nephew) that his strategy is to create a protective bubble around me and the relationship, and have his family absorb a portion of him.

It is also the fist time that he see that even though my partner is enmeshed with them, he is also trying to enmeshed with me. Its whoever has the strongest pull.

I am currently NC with about 90% of the family since the sister told me I am manipulative, controlling, and a protagonist. She kicked me out of all the family group and told me off in front of my mom. Worse she add her children partner to the group chat (youngest is 29,) and they now reach out to him saying uncle we miss and love you. She also is telling other family member to not let me destroy the family.

My partner only said that's how she feels and he doesn't want to get involved. That the whole family is upset with me. He is also incapable of making a negative comment of his family even when his 29 year old niece got pregnant form her sister ex-boyfriend and had an abortion.

My therapist hopes that as he removes the villian hat on me and my partner comes out the trance and set small boundaries, the dynamics will intensify, they will push back and me partner can see the family as they are .

Its all confusing as one time he will say they are non negotiable, or he won't do any compromising with them and others that I'd he has to work with his relationship with his family he will work on it. He came back after I kicked him out, he wants to go to therapy, he pick the therapist and is paying for weekly session. He has not missed a session in this time. He is on daily calls and chats with everyone.

I would like to get in contact with anyone that had success breaking through, hear your story.

how long it took? Are they still NC ? Is your partner LC or NC?

In the meanwhile., I am messed up and am going to therapy. I want to be strong enough to leave this relationship in a year before I am consumed.

Hello everyone.

I am 37F and my partner 50M is enmeshed with his family (sister/brothers and nieces). We just started couples therapy a month and a half ago and I have my own personal therapist. I'll provide my background story in a different post.

I have a few questions regarding the recovery portion.

1- What does the low contact look like in terms of daily life - phone (text and chats) and physical activity?
2- What led your partner to go LC?
3- How did he feel when he finally understood it was enmeshment with his family?
4- How did he feel towards the pain he put you through the years?
5- How does his family feel towards you at this point?
6- How does he feel about the enmeshment?
7- Does he recognize manipulation tactics from the family?
8- When did you partner realize that you were not the problem? ( you are not controlling, manipulative and etc, whatever narrative the family painted you as)
9- Are you still NC, LC or fine with his family? How do you feel?
10- How does it look like if you have kids? How are the kids impacted?

Thank you everyone that has answered!