Trans, bi, but not "queer". Anyone else?
I don't identify with the trans or queer communities. The trans community feels very dominated by fems and thems, very focused on femininity and androgyny and trying to include us guys in that. I want people to be able to embrace their femininity if it makes them happy, but I don't wanna be dragged into it because that's not who I am. I'm also not into being trans. To me it's purely circumstantial. It's taken years, I've finally gotten to the point where I no longer HATE being trans, but good lord it wasn't easy. Took five years of HRT and losing 50 pounds to finally feel attractive.
I don't like the word queer. Period. To me, it implies that anything other than strict, traditional, monogamous heterosexuality between cis people is deviant somehow. I just view healthy sex or dating between any adults as normal. To me, queerness is this social construct that exists only as a biproduct of homophobia and heteronormativity. I find the culture that's formed around it to be alienating. The way most people in the queer community talk feels almost scripted- granted, a lot of people retreat online because they're so alienated from their families and neighborhoods so I get that much, but the result is just... yikes.
And the association between non-straightness and kink makes me feel even more alienated. Do what makes you happy in the bedroom, don't bring it up to someone you're not screwing. I've had friends in the past who bring their kinks or the concept of kinkiness up at the drop of a hat, and I find it really inconsiderate. Not to mention, the few experiences I've had with people that were way into kink were incredibly bland. Sex felt almost mechanical. Communication, boundaries, all that stuff is so important, but I feel like intuition and emotional connection is lost when people become too analytical and treat sex like this step by step process, and that ruins sex for me. I feel like sex should feel like a conversation that just flows naturally but then again most of the kinksters I've met can't even hold a conversation that feels natural.
What I've found works best with sex and dating is to get off the apps, stop watching porn, enjoy jerking off and making friends until one or more of those friends winds up being something else- a friend with benefits, a partner, whatever. For the longest time I felt completely lonely because I didn't think anyone outside the queer/trans niche would think I was anything but gross, but truthfully, I just needed to be seen and appreciated for my personality. I think anyone who really connects with the person I am will be able to take me as I am physically- which is really the only difference between me and a cis dude.
Okay. I'll shut up and stop avoiding my college assignments.