OCD and Awakening (remembering you're the creator)
So, one of my biggest OCD thoughts has to do with going to jail and abandoning everybody around me, more specifically my dog. Lately, it's been in my mind forever because I have court dates for contesting tickets (I have a lawyer, it's literally no reason *logically* to go to jail, it was just a speeding ticket). And those court dates are triggering my fear of going to jail sooooo much that it's making me panic that I'm creating it. Because, in the past, I've had a fear of getting pregnant without knowing that I was pregnant and then being stuck with a baby for life, and I ended up being pregnant - but I knew, so I got an abortion right away - but even then, I didn't speak to anybody about the pregnancy cause I was scared that speaking about it would make it not be true and whatever. Like, you get the spinning happening in my head? And before I got pregnant, I had a bad feeling that I was pregnant, but I was avoiding it. And then boom, I got pregnant. And it's the same fear with the fear of going to jail, like there's a part of me that wants to prepare myself for going to jail when I literally haven't done anything to go to jail for, but because I know I am the creator in my reality, I fear that I'm creating it since it's coming to my mind so much.
I'm trying to be like "I don't accept this" or whatever, but the fear is paralyzing. it's making me want to call the judge and just pay the fines and whatever instead of dealing with contesting them. It's like i want to get rid of anything that would make me have to go to court, to contest a ticket lol it's literally nothing, but my mind doesn't understand this. It's like "what if I don't come back and then my dog thinks I abandoned him?!" and "who am I going to call?" or "Idk anybody's phone numbers by heart" and it's all things that idk if it's my intuition preparing me for the worst or if it's the truth.
And another thing too, yesterday I had thoughts about getting insurance for my dog and then all of a sudden she got bitten and needed stitches. I didn't have insurance - it wasn't gonna kick in anyway, the insurance, but it's as if there was a part of me that was bringing it in
I know I have OCD, but in this time, idk if it's OCD or my intuition awakening more.
I'm feeling really lost and idk if anyone can help with this or if you've had that happen to you. Pls help.