u/OkStatistician1129

So hoping this helps other neurodivergent folks. The prep, which I had heard so much about, was actually totally fine. I did sutab, the guidelines said I could eat "up until noon" so I just went ahead and had an early lunch, then started prepping at 1630. Had to get up again at 0130 for the next dose, but no problem -- I was in my own house in my own clothes and I was like "great, this is easy". They said the prep was excellent btw.

For me, the part that was a huge challenge was being in the medical setting. I was expecting something way, way lower key. Kind of something like a regular doctors office, but with a few more machines. Instead it was all these bays, where you could hear everyone else and they could hear you, a TON of equipment, those scary wheely beds, curtains that didn't come down to the floor, a nurse who seemed like he needed me to reassure him, ecg leads and an oxygen meter, weird green trash bags for my clothes. They wanted to set up in one set of bays, iv and gown and all, then wheel me down the hallway past the elevators where anybody could walk by. I was clearly so upset that they offered to just do all that setup in the procedure recovery area (no hallway wheeling), which was a big relief and appreciated.

People wise: there were a lot. I think I met like seven people, five of them were in the actual procedure room. It was the doctor, the anaesthesiologist , a nurse, another nurse, and a medical student. They were really trying to be nice!! Everyone introduced themselves and explained their role, when I said " I need to know exactly what is going to happen" they tried to explain, and one even said " You seem extremely nervous. Is there anything I can do for you?" I appreciated that a lot. But it was still extremely overwhelming just being in that degree of medical setting. And they all seemed to want to make social chit chat. How the hell am I supposed to answer "how are you today?" with an IV and other tubes/leads all over me?? What do they want me to say?? I even said that, " I'm not sure how to manage this social interaction". I tried "please tell me exactly what you are going in as much technical detail as you can share" but I think they mostly did need to focus on what they were doing. Which I totally understand.

They were lovely and tried their best! I brought my comfort stuffed animal, and they all thought he was funny and gave him his own oxygen mask which I thought was a really sweet gesture. Technical wise, I think they did a great job. Zero pain, cramping, flatulence. Every felt totally normal afterwards and they explain the results carefully, answering all my nitpicky questions. I just wanted to share, be prepared for a setting that looks a lot more dramatic and intense than your normal doctors appointment. Honestly it felt like a set from ER. I do understand that if something goes wrong, they NEED to have that equipment, and I'm glad it's there. They need to keep everything clean and they need to monitor you to know you're doing ok with the sedation, they give everyone oxygen, an IV has to have a clear dressing to keep it clean, etc etc etc. It all makes sense. But without knowing exactly what everything was, it was just a shock.

In the end though that was a big positive takeaway for me. It's hard to get lower stakes than a colonoscopy, in terms of "quite highly instrumented settings". I'm so happy that if I ever do need a more serious procedure, I will NOT be seeing things for the first time then.

Hello Freedthenips!! I posted something similar over on reddit/topsurgery, they pointed me over here. I am a cis-ish woman (might have called myself non binary if I'd been born 20 years later, but as it was i thought : "ok, womanhood: I guess I can make this work if I have to" , because I knew I wasn't trans). I have always felt pretty blah about my boobs-- I have to hide, manage and conceal them all day, bras are a sensory nightmare, I feel like they give people a too-sexy impression of me, I can't wear the clothes I want without looking like I'm audioning for a low budget adult movie, I can't exercise to the "oomph" I want because they hurt. Honestly they hurt one way or another all the time. To top it off, naked they actually look pretty awful, saggy and yuck. They are something that seemed meant for other people, to attract potential partners and to feed my kids---and I'm grateful--- but not enough to want to keep them. They're a Burden with a capital B. I also am at higher risk for breast cancer, but not high enough the regular system will support/pay for a mastectomy (unless I do have a mutation, which is unlikely but possible and I'm going to look into it). I do not WANT to do a scary MRI once a year with a practical guarantee of false positives and biopsies, just to keep some body parts I don't even want in the first place. I want to feel free and like I can stand up straight and just live my life without managing these giant floppy things all the time, without looking down at them and thinking "which if you is going to kill me?'. I know top surgery isn't a guarantee but it seems like it reduces the risk a lot and I see so many other positives!!! So I am taking action and looking into it! I have a consultation on Monday and I'm nervous but so excited. I feel like this is something I'm finally doing just for me.

So my question is this. The practice described the appointment as "non binary top surgery". Does this mean I should "play the game" and kind of lean into the unexplored non-binary side of my nature? Should I emphasize how disconnected and unhappy I feel about my boobs? Are they going to try to deny me this surgery if I'm "too cis"? I don't want to waste consult time on a song and dance about gender identity if it's not necessary. But I also don't want them to slam the door on the whole idea. I'm in Seattle, which you would think would be more accepting, but the fact they want a therapist letter and made me think I might need to be a little strategic. All thoughts welcome!!

I really appreciate any and all advice. After years of hemming and hawing I have decided that if breasts make me unhappy and uncomfortable, I'm allowed to see what it would take to not have them anymore. My reasons are less "severe body dysmorphia" --I am cis/very closeted nb--than just an endless, persistent sense of being burdened, dragged down, having to hide and apologize for my breasts. Having to wear uncomfortable bras or too heavy clothes, having to plan my outfits and my day, saying no to activities and events because it's too hot to cram myself into a bra I hate, feeling like going braless is impacting me professionally. And then there is the grinding, dreary focus on the terrifying breast cancer numbers., which somehow the medical profession seems to think are acceptable?? I know top surgery isn't a guarantee, but it looks like would help a lot with risk reduction -- and I feel like I could finally stand up straight, walk into a room with some swagger, dress like the butch femme cutie I want to without looking like I'm in an adult movie. So I have booked a consultation! I am nervous but also part of me thinks "why did I wait so long??".

My question is ...how do you persuade/approach the surgeon to convince them you are #allowed to make this choice? As all the ones near me require a letter from a therapist for the kind of top surgery I want. I don't want a breast reduction, I want a smooth, muscular chest with no nipples (I would plan to get tattoos later) that would show off my strong arms. But I'm not trans. I just want to not have boobs anymore. I am in Seattle, which one would think would be accepting, but my experience is that it's very "guideline driven" around here, which can easily translate to " controlling". But I would be delighted to be wrong. I would love your thoughts or recommendations and thank you so much for the inspiring community here. You all are the best.

I hope you don't mind me asking. But I recently have started to notice something that sounds similar to a PVC. It doesn't really bother me physically but it's annoying. I do wonder if it's just the normal change in rhythm related to breathing, which I might be able to feel more clearly now due to some other life factors. About every third or fourth breath I feel a pattern that is like (inhale....beat beat beat (normal) then a pause, about .5 seconds, then a THUMP, then a series of beats that feel kind of disordered and "scattered" for about three seconds. I can feel it as a fluttering in my chest and I can also feel it when measuring my pulse (I don't have a smart watch). I've felt these in and off for my whole life, but it feels much clearer and more annoying now. it disappears with exercise and is clearer lying down. I am just genuinely curious, is this similar to your experience? PLEASE nobody answer if it would send you down an anxiety rabbit hole. Very sorry for what some of the folks here seem to be going through, anxiety wise and physical wise.