How do I rebuild my life as an adult?
I want to be normal, I want a respectable career, but every good university course is in a city I can't afford and would not really be allowed to move to, and regardless, I was fucking stupid at sixth form and all my A-Levels are in History, Art, Literature. Not ONE Science. I'm fucked now, I can't get a job, I have no friends, I wish I could go back in time and beat myself over the head and force myself to be fucking normal instead of an unlikeable subhuman nerd. I hate that I fucking HAD MY CHANCE, when you're at school all you have to do is try and study and I couldn't even manage that. Now all my peers are well liked and getting into good careers and I'm about to go on benefits like those autistic losers in the lowest classes, like nothing in my life has ever mattered at all, I could never have gone to school at all and dropped out like my friends and ended up the same. I need some kind of STEM qualification. If not for the job, then just the CHANCE to get in with the right people. I'm tired of constantly being associated with gays and transsexuals and goths and autists publicly. I'm tired of being seen as subhuman. I want to be real. I want to be loved. I want to be respected and well-spoken and seen as a human being. I want society to respect me. I want the world to see me and never THINK of calling me lesbian or autistic or transgender or emo ever again. I want men to respect me. and want me. I want women to see me as one of them. I want to know the right people no matter how much I have to lie about myself to do it. Even if I deserve to be treated like a dog, I'm selfish, and I want the normal high life.