Scared for my future
Internet sisters i need advice. Should I come out to my parents? Technically i would love if it was all open, but they are super homophobic and im not financially independent but don't live with them currently. I intended to keep the secret until I was independent and even then, just show up with a partner rather than formal release but the choice was taken from my hands.
Backstory: about a year ago I told my cousin I was a lesbian. She said "okay" she didnt understand or approve of that "lifestyle" but she loved me no matter what. After that we never discussed it again and quite frankly I thought she had forgotten. Yeah. No. A few wks ago I had something traumatic happen and had to be hospitalized and she told her mom about me being gay who proceeded to tell majority of my maternal family who thankfully and unexpectedly were supportive considering how homophobic my own parents are. I know outing ppl fucking sucks but I dont really care that much tbh. I'm more angry that now everyone is trying to force me to come out to my parents so I will feel better (like not have extra stress on top of everything). But it's a dumb suggestion imo. They all know what my financial situation and that my parents will NOT react well. So why would you ask that of me? I feel like they just don't want the stress of having to keep the secret and would rather detonate my fucking life than keep a tight lip.
Don't get me wrong I do feel significantly better now that I don't have to hide as much but that is only because of the mostly positive reactions. I know once my parents find out everything will take a massive turn for the worse. But too many damn ppl know now. And 2 can only keep a secret if... subsequently im shitting my pants because WTF. I dont want them to find out from someone else but idk what im going to do if my parents find out and disown me. I am not in a position where I can survive on my own, nor am I emotionally prepared for the inevitable backlash even with the amount of support I've received. But idk what to do. I dont want them to hear from someone else, despite most ppl confirming they wont talk (and I believe them cause they too fear parental wrath and being pegged as the bad influence who turned me lol) but i'm still worried someone might snitch accidentally. Ik no one here can really tell me what to do. Im venting. Idek if any of this shit made sense I'm just so fucking scared. I need sleep and a hug. My heart hasn't stopped racing for days cause my relationship with my folks was already pretty shitty and I was hoping it was finally gonna get better now this...
If anyone has suggestions, kind words or advice I'd really appreciate it.