AITAH for Thinking In Laws are Visiting Too Long?
AITA for putting a 5-day limit on in-law stays? Working 12hr shifts, 2-bed apt, spending all our PTO on family visits.
My wife and I (late 20s/early 30s) are having a tough disagreement about visit lengths for her family, and she feels I’m being controlling. I’m posting here to get some objective perspective and see if I’m being unreasonable.
My in-laws live far away. Traveling here requires a 3-hour drive to the airport and a 3-hour flight
We see them about 4 times a year (they visit us twice, we visit them twice).
Between their visits here and us traveling there, we spend about 25+ days a year with them. Between our work schedules and this cadence, literally all of our PTO goes toward visiting family.
Our Current Living & Work Situation:
We live in a 2-bedroom apartment. Space is tight when hosting.
My work schedule is intense: I work 12-hour days (7 AM to 7 PM) and log another 5 hours of work every Sunday. About 65 hours a week roughly.
They do not clean up after themselves while staying with us, which adds household chores on top of my work hours.
The Pattern of Overstaying:
I actually really enjoy my in-laws as people, but boundaries keep getting pushed:
Last year, we agreed on a 6-day visit. It became 8 days.
On a previous trip, an agreed 10-day stay turned into 12 days.
Her mom now wants to do two separate 3-day visits back-to-back in Feb/March (which, with travel days, really means 4-5 days each time).
**Where I Stand vs. My Wife:**
I’ve told my wife my hard limit for hosting *anyone* in our apartment is 5 days max per visit.
I hold my own family to the exact same standard (my mom stays under 48 hours when she visits, as she lives 4 hours drive away)
I’ve explicitly encouraged my wife to fly out and visit her family on her own whenever she wants if she wants more time with them.
I am trying to see my wife's side….they travel a long way to get here, and she wants quality time with her mom. But coming home at 7 PM after a 12-hour shift to a crowded 2-bed apartment where guests don't clean up is draining me completely.
Am I being unreasonable for holding a firm 5-day boundary on hosted visits? How do other working couples handle long-distance family visits without burning out?