How to deal with partners mental well being when making amends?
I am currently starting the proces of making amends. I have been in SLAA for almost a year now, and it its two years since I told my partner about my addiction (which was mainly porn, but also online cheating and - in my past relationships - irl cheating).
SLAA has not been entirely unproblematic in regards to our relationship. She feels a bit left behind, which we have talked about and we have restartet sessions with the therapist we used before SLAA. But the feeling still remains with her, that SLAA is something she can't really comprehend, she doesn't really understand what is going on there - which I get, I kind of don't understand it myself. I have have tried to tell her a bit about it, but the anomynous-part makes it difficult, and also I just plainly don't want to share everything I say in SLAA or think about there with her. We are a couple that talk and share our thoughts a lot, and I can tell that it is bothering her that this is more my thing alone.
Now I am starting making amends, and it is really difficult. I know that I am not allowed to share names with her, but it makes her extremely paranoid that she doesn't know what or who is on the list. As she says: The last time you had a secret, it was a really big one. She is obviously traumatised from what I did to her, so she speculates if I raped someone or was raped myself or or or. I can say no and no and no, but the point is: 1) even though I say "No, this is not on the list" to a whole lot of things, she will still be able to think about other horrific things that it might be, and generally she has a very hard time accepting, that I am not sharing this with her, and 2) there is actually a couple of things in there, that I don't really want her to know, to be honest. Also I don't think it will benefit her to know these things (none if these things are about her), but I am not totally sure if I am just trying to protect my secrets.
I guess there is not a specific question here other than: Do any of you have experience with these kinds of things? Do you have any advice?
PS. It is not so much the ameds to her, that is the problem. I have apologized to her many times already and although I don't look forward to doing it once again in 12-step-program context, I am okay with it.