What will a man do when he loves you?
* TW: SH
I (20F) just broke up with my first real love (20M) after about four months of us being together. I let myself be open and vulnerable— I didn’t compromise on my boundaries or standards, I didn’t try to be someone “cooler” nor “more likable,” I was just myself and he loved me for it and it was an experience where I loved and grew as a person.
I know he cared for me and I know he liked as well as loved me too, but the way he communicated was so passive and unclear. When he needed space or he was upset, he would hint at it, he never said it directly and that was a huge issue for me.
What caused me to leave was when he relapsed and cut himself again and he said that he only told me because he was afraid I’d see the next time we saw each other. This was at 2AM and I was out of town visiting family so I couldn’t go see him. When I wanted to call him the day after he told me, he was texting me saying he “wasn’t in the mood” and “promised he was fine” but he didn’t come across as depressed enough to relapse before this had happened either. I didn’t mean to push in a negative way, but I was worried about him. I acknowledge that I could’ve ignored his feelings in my rush to make sure he was ok, that being said, it scared me because what about stuff I wouldn’t notice?
Anyways, I call him three times and he picks up and I’m crying and upset and he laughs it off like it isn’t serious but it was super serious to me. He’s not used to having a support system, had and has hard home life, but to me partners are there for each other. Even if you don’t want to hear from me specifically for the next week tell me directly.
So after that I want to have a more serious conversation with him because when I called I just wanted to hear and make sure he was safe. The gist of it goes “I need you to talk to me about how you feel and if something is wrong that I can’t help with, tell me how I can support you. Otherwise we can’t be together..”
Long story short he was tired and stressed & couldn’t understand why I was upset and acting weird so he said “I think you want to date someone who matches ur energy, and maybe you should go find that bc it’s not me rn.”
Then he said “gn tty tmr sweet dreams.” I sent him a paragraph of “you don’t need to be perfect but this is important to me,” he doesn’t say anything for 2 nights & 3 days. I think he ghosted me and broke up with me but he was really overwhelmed and didn’t want to give a bad response to my sonnet of feelings so he didn’t respond until he was emotionally ready bc he felt no response was better than a bad one (his words). I tell him he still could’ve said something, and dadada we break up.
Then he texts me and sends me a picture of my favorite animal but doesn’t say “I miss you I want you back.” But tbh maybe he didn’t, I can tell this would’ve turned into resentment on his part bc he wouldn’t have said anything until it really bothered him.
So what will a man do when he likes you? Clear, concise, and concretely. This still stings, it’s been 1 week now since the official separation. Really really hurts, but I want to know what better looks like, especially from a man’s POV.