Absolute existential crisis
I live alone, away from my hometown due to work. For the past month I have had to stay at another city which is also work-related.
I have been feeling terribly homesick for the past few days but neither for my hometown nor for the city where I work.
When I imagine returning to my hometown I get anxious thinking how parents would start asking about my future plans and keep telling how they are getting old and how my age is increasing and it is high time I get married. If I stall them they would start lecturing me and all these make me not want to go there.
Thinking about my worktown (pardon if such a word doesn't exist) makes me dive more into depression as I get reminded of how I spend my days there- waking up, going to work, returning, cooking, doing dishes, turning off lights, listening to sad songs, and thinking what went wrong and how I am suddenly 30 years old. Makes me not crave being there as well.
Then what is the place I am feeling homesick for? Does it not exist? If it doesn't, how will I survive with this unquenchable thirst?