r/RecluseIndia

22 M, few days ago have posted about being traumatized and having my peace completely shattered by a girl who incited her colleagues to bully me, and even teachers took part in this horrendous act; they labelled me a guy with psychiatric illness or Bipolar (one has been ruled out but the latter has still not been established ), but this has ruined my academics to an extent and i have been already rejected in dozens of companies and also 3 good B-Schools, due to not been able to provide my health and provision documents by college admin and not reenacting any relief or action due to bullying due to which my CGPA went below threshold and i was detained in a whole semester, which further lead to disqualifications of my placement in final rounds with many companies, i was completely isolated and ostracized by my peers, they are loud and unserious and lack any depth of maturity, just pure show-off and no inquisitive tendencies

I suffered severe vitamin deficiencies and health problems, but they still berated me verbally so much; I cried every day and have been feeling way unjust about my situation. I have been seeking therapy, but I wonder if those scoundrels deserved more therapy than me. These morons would do nothing in their lives and still try to put others down; what was even my fault here ?? These assholes have fragile egos, and they must be evaluated for their behavioural and learning differences and must definitely be mandated to attend therapy and take counselling

I am not sure if you'd understand the title, I just want someone, anyone to help me figure out if I'm just plain lazy or if these actually are symptoms of some mental issue, hence, mock diagnosis of my mental health :),

From the past almost three years now, I've been having these, well phases. There are a period of days when I can't, just cannot get out of bed, or make myself do anything.

I had always been social prior to these three years, I now have no social life to speak of, I have always have a deep rooted social anxiety, with frequent anxiety attacks which ive hid pretty well but I have been having panic attacks for the past 3 years too.

In those particular period of days, I genuinely feel stuck, I cannot process feelings I feel zoned out and I skip or back out of any and every commitment, situation or presence. I just cannot do it no matter how much I know I need to, i feel blank drained of life.

These have been getting more and more frequent, and have disrupted my social and personal life, The past three years have been pretty stressful with the final year of school, college entrances and genuine all around failure, which were made worse by the kind of parents i have. I do not feel like blaming them but know they have messed my entire personality. I thought maybe with life settling down into college it would get better but it just doesn't, it keeps getting worse, I stopped SH, back when I was 15, because my teacher noticed I have also dealt with severe eating disorder and am still dealing with body dysmorphia. But these phases scare me because with that blankness comes a deep sense of doom and I often end up very deep into thoughts of ending yk life. It takes me weeks to get out of it and I just need help.

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I just don't feel like doing anything. I just don't know how to even describe this feeling as if I don't know whether it's hard to understand life or my duties in life. I just feel so lost and small day by day. I do get desires and indeed worry about everything but thing is I'm not doing anything about it. It's like example your overweight but your not changing diet she exercise but you know the consequences it can have like fatal health problems or confidence problems. And I've not been working for years and I'm already in my late 20s. I just feel like not even trying to out effort or believe in myself and have this positive perspective on life.

Since I don't have job experience and a degree and skill, I feel resistance to seek a job. I just know automatically and assume what's the point of apply when I know I have zero chances of landing a job and I'm classifying my life that I only want a remote job or a good job at a nice company. Like I know reality isn't going to be like that. It might take time and networking to get somewhere but starting like any job is good to earn money but here I am not even wanting to do that. And my entire day just goes into worrying and escapism

When we first started dating, he was extremely loving and caring. He made me feel special, protected, and genuinely loved, and I never imagined that the same relationship would eventually become one of the most traumatic experiences of my life. He was su**cid@l and struggling deeply with his mental health, and I genuinely understood that a lot of his behavior came from a place of severe emotional pain. I tried to be patient and supportive because I knew he wasn't okay.

But slowly, he started taking me for granted, becoming increasingly aggressive and unpredictable, and I found myself constantly walking on eggshells. He would call me hundreds of times when I was busy, sometimes around 200 times nonstop, and if I didn't answer, he'd become angry and then guilt-trip me.

He sent me videos of blood and videos of him hurting himself, and because I knew he was su**cid@l , I was constantly terrified that ignoring him or leaving him might result in something terrible happening. That guilt made me feel trapped. I couldn't bring myself to leave because I genuinely feared for his life and felt responsible for keeping him okay.

Eventually, every notification on my phone became terrifying. I started having severe anxiety attacks, struggling to breathe, crying, and feeling like something horrible was about to happen. I couldn't concentrate in class, sleep properly, or enjoy normal things anymore because my mind was constantly waiting for the next crisis.

Then things escalated beyond his su**cid@l behavior and started affecting my own safety. So when I was trying to break up with him and block him , he started bl@ckmailing me, tried to reach my house, and would stalk me from my class toward my home. I started looking behind me while walking and feeling unsafe in places where I had previously felt completely normal.

What made it so complicated was that I knew he was su*cid@l, and I knew he was suffering, so a part of me kept feeling guilty for being afraid of him. I kept thinking, He's hurting, he's not okay, maybe I should understand him, while simultaneously becoming more and more traumatized myself.

I don't want to erase the fact that he was genuinely struggling or pretend that his su*cid@l thoughts weren't real. I believe they were, and that is part of why I stayed for so long. But his suffering doesn't erase what his actions did to me. The relationship left me with severe anxiety, fear, hypervigilance, and a complete loss of trust in my own sense of safety.

Even after it ended, I became scared to date again. Getting close to another guy started feeling frightening because I was constantly thinking, What if he changes? What if I can't leave? What if caring about someone means losing myself again? I cared about him deeply, and I still don't think being su**cid@l makes someone a bad person.I was trying to keep him alive while slowly losing myself.

It's been 6 months and he's trying to reach again, what should I do?

1. There's this guy I am trying to get over from , from the last 8 years .

2. I have tried to keep him blocked . It didn't worked.

3. I have tried to get blocked by him, still needed to reaching out somehow so this didn't worked either.

4. Tried to keep him as a normal contact so that I don't get the urge to reach out , still didn't work.

Since the day I have known him,I don't think there has been a single day when I haven't thought about him, even tho technically we never dated each other but that doesn't mean my feelings were not real .

I don't even know why I'm still hung up on him, I mean he's probably just a other guy but somehow I just can't get over the fact that there was a time when we used to talk all day and night everyday until we didn't anymore, why ? because he actually found someone he couldn't stop talking to .

Now when I think of all the interactions I ever had with him. He never seemed interested in me . Usually if a guy likes you , he approaches you first but that didn't happen in my case , I was the one who approached him first after he joined us one day with my other friends to just hang out . I mean if he had really noticed me and liked me he would have at least tried to reach out to me somehow but that didn't happen at all . In fact he once mentioned how he found my fb user sme so funny that he didn't accepted the friend request at all at first .

Maybe it was all my fault , Maybe I was so desperate and lonely that I just couldn't see how he was never into me in the first place . He probably used to hangout with me only coz he didn't had anyone that time and maybe he also saw this as a good opportunity to get laid . I was just another weird detour he took before he found the one he wanted to actually be with .

I tried to stay away from him and stay in contact with him and nothing gives me peace anymore . I don't know if I can heal anymore . Maybe this wound is too deep to be fixed .

Bc I feel like my life is totally fucked up I have scored good in 12th still I have work hard for it I have given 2 attempt of nda and can't even qualify written and jee ka to pucho mt bohot kharab gya hai

Abhi koi acha college nhi mil rha hai.

Papa se bhi ab km baat ho hoti hai or jyada milte bhi nhi ek dusre se

I feel like why I am existing in this mother fucking world I don't wanna live

Also I don't wanna be avg......but only I know how much guilt my parents are living with

Kya kru kuch samajh nhi arha hai

I don’t even know why I’m writing this. Maybe just to get it out.

Met a girl on Reddit a few days ago. We started talking… and somehow it just clicked. Like really clicked. Spoke for a couple of days, late nights, random shit, the kind of conversations where you forget you’re talking to a stranger. Felt that little spark. The rare one.

And then… silence. I think I’ve been blocked. Or maybe she just vanished. Either way, she’s gone.

I know, I know. It’s Reddit. You can’t expect anything from here. People come and go. No promises, no attachments. I keep telling myself that. But we connected so well in such a short time that it actually hurts. More than it should.

It just hurts to see people disappear like that. One day you’re talking like you’ve known each other for months, next day you’re staring at a blank chat wondering what you did wrong… or if you even did anything.

Hopefully she somehow reads this. I don’t even want anything from her. Just… I don’t know. Maybe to know she’s okay. Or that it wasn’t all in my head.

That’s all. Just needed to say it somewhere.

I am 28 M. I have a BA degree. I have chronic illness. Arthritis related. I can't leave my house. I tried to think of anything with which I can earn. But I can't find anything. I have no work experience, would like some advice on what I can do.

I am 34 (M). Been unemployed for a looong time now. All the people around me are looking to buy houses in excess of a 3 to 5 crores and here i can't even hold a basic ass job because of my severe anxiety. Whenever anyone around me talks of buying a house in Mumbai I feel so insecure; the feeling is so real. I just pretend to be busy and excuse myself from these situations. life is sad.

I'm bored and tired of this college and hostel and this so called city, i hate it so much. The people are ew i hate staff faculty classmates seniors roomates everyone, want to leave this course

Vincent Van Gogh used to eat yellow paint because he thought it would get the happiness inside him. Many people thought he was mad and stupid for doing so because the paint was toxic, never mind that it was obvious that eating paint

couldn't possible have any direct correlation to one's happiness, but he never saw that.

If you were so unhappy

that even the maddest ideas could possibly work, like painting the walls of your internal organs yellow, then you are going to do it.

It's really no different than falling in love or taking drugs. There is a greater risk of getting your heart broken or overdosing, but people still do it everyday because there was always that chance it could make things better. Everyone has their yellow paint.

I have no goals,i have no idea what am i going to do,i have no interests, no skills,nothing im good at,but i have no choice but to get a basic living condition because i have strict family condition so i have to care them and i have no choice but to do somthing,i currently have no financial freedom in the family. Currently I'm in college in my final year, im seeing lot of people here,they are persevering what they are aiming for ,one trading even though he face so many loss, one trying to get software company like most of the people aggressively, and one is doing machine learning and training models. one doing cyber security, one studing for upse.some of my friends already got internships, some have financial freedom, but they are also trying eventually ,but unlike them i dont do anything,i have 7 months of time to complete college,i have lot of failure experience but in this real world failure experience have no value at all,even a begger will have some experience, the value of of the humans in this world is calculated by the value they are providing. I have no idea what I have to do ,atleast if i have goals,i have walk towards that path and get that anyway. I don't even dont know what to do,my depth of me have no dreams, no interest,no love,no gang,no freedom also, i know i have to do something ,but what to do,sometimes i think like its good when someone with skilled ,stong ,experienced guy transmigrated into my body ,because,im naive,im fool,im sloth,im pathetic,i not have much friends,i dont know how to connect,how to survive,for the 7 months of time i may feel some connections and safer zone because im in college,but i have to work for my placements also,after that i have to face the real world i my college friends also wont pick my number because I didn't make many connections with them,i dont to what to say but i completely messed up,i have no sence of self,the ones place will determine the resources and the things he enjoy,if i messed up means what the difference between me and the beggar? I'm currently in final year college, if i slip my path means my life will continue with that path i cant come back to time and change tha path,that was destined by me myself.i have no idea is it free will thing or what because if destiny or fate exist i have no idea what are they going to do with this kind of person,if they exist are they kidding me,but everything in my life i got was ruined by me,if i had oppertunity to learn i ruined it if i had the opportunity to grow i ruined it, if i had the opportunity to transform i ruined it ,if i had the opportunity to make friends i ruined it,if i had the opportunity to living im ruining it,i thought everyone will change flow of time, i havent changed at all,i dont know what kind of mindset im having,if i have no one and have this kind of(i dont know to what to name this) means it alteast only have effect on me,but i have resposibilies,family.what this is,from my childhood until now why am i always delusional,i imagining way more,one can do anything in his mind,if he want to become president ,ceo,astronaut,millinare,a happy man,a salary man, anything he can become in his mind but reality is completely different,i you want lov a girl,you can marry her,live with her,have child with her but in reality you cant even speak to her,if i have no goal ,no dreams(even little),no interest,no friend,no stories,no charecter,even no sense of self ,whats the point of living ,a single event can become lifetime path,but what if i dont even care about the event ,if you fail in something, you should feel sorrow or motivation but if you feel nothing what drives you,why am i feels nothing,why am i keep sticking in same,even i pushed by different curcumstance,why am i keep coming to this exact (still dont know what to name this),why am i peak sloth,basic things even a begger have dream,even a begger will do something for his living condition, im procasnating even thinking about something,all are secondar why am just a joker in every room,why cant i observe,why cant i speak,why cant i remember,why am i always acting like use and throw condom,why am i defying even a basic human quality,ther was the a saying ,what you thinking was also fated playings,everying in destined,who the hell am i,the world is full of skills and qualities and charecters based on that and worth of people was determined,in that sense what the hell is this charecter,if you want to eat something then you save for that one day ypu cook or go to the place and eat that but you wont be hungry at that time, if you wan to travel you will go one day but you will lost the interest,if you want the job you will study and develop skills and in flow of time you will get it but i wont be satisfied at that time ,thats the play of life but the matter is path,how can you get the path even you have no goal,even you lost intrest,dissaisfied,not hungry if you turn around and see the path,either you smrik or proudly smile or laugh,but for the person like me what could he feel other than regrets,my problems are nothing because i saw people who finacially,emotionally struggle than me but time will change,thier desire will construct thier path,if they work hard they will definetly overcome,what will happen to shit like me,if i doubt this path is chaos means atleast i can desire or hope to somthing that want happen,but im clearly seeing this leads to destruction,im started to think like am i even normal or abnorml. i have no idea what i was saying

I seriously cannot find any will to live. I can't see the meaning in life, I dont find any motive to live

Can someone convince me to live ?