u/Ok_Manufacturer2956

This sub is titled "Single and Happy" but is it for people who are genuinely Single (by choice) and "Happy" about it or is it for people who happen to be Single (by choice or not) and are 'trying' to be Happy or both?

I see a lot of relationship centric posts and comments consisting of people expressing their desire to be in a relationship but are trying to be "Happy" in the meantime.

It is evident that many (or even most) are *not* truly "Happy" being Single and are only trying to Cope until they find the relationship they truly want and it is discouraging as it further perpetuates the (false) notion that Singleness is a state of Failure, Shame, Chronic Loneliness and/or just a 'Waiting Room' until the 'Right One' comes in an saves you from yourself.

It looks more like a Single but looking and in some cases a Dating Sub a lot of the times as the "Single is great, but I want someone I can trust and hold me night" the "I miss being in a relationship", "It can feel so lonely without having that one person there to..." or even "the thought of having a Casual partner is gross to me" etc gets a LOT of support which implies that either the people who are genuinely Single by Choice and Happy are infact a minority in this Sub or many remain silent which I understand to why to an extent, but it only allows relationship centric people to shift the direction and purpose of the Sub and conversations back to "relationship seeking advice/discussions" and it's exhausting to see it.

I joined this Sub to get AWAY from the "I really want a partner to love me, but I guess I'll try to be happy Single, for now" comments but it seems like there really is no Safe Space from it and when I call it out some either try to shame me into accepting this discouraging and tone deaf conversations or I get heavily downvoted 💁🏾‍♀️.

Even Childfree spaces are often invaded by countless comments shaming them for their choice or trying to compete with Single and Childfree people and many just allow it to happen.

So who exactly is this space for?

Finally, downvote me to the Abyss if you must, that will just further reveal what type of people dominate spaces like these.

I strongly believe most people even in subs like these are extremely attached to romance/relationships and are using these spaces as a temporary waiting room or recharge centre until they find someone because many still believe that a partner will be the cure to their needs, voids and/or "loneliness" (I see that word floating around a lot too).

But I won't let that intimidate me out of expressing myself.

I actually have a few seperate questions 😅:

1. Who here is sincerely Single and Happy by Choice? As in, not 'single and trying to be' "happy", not single and still looking, not 'single due to heartbreak' and so forth?

Who is genuinely single by choice, whole, self fulfilled and content enough to not change this even for the most "ideal" potential partner?

2. Does anyone have friends, family or associates who are Single by choice, happy and thriving? If so (for friends) how did you meet? Even the singles in my personal life are dating or are not happy being single 🥲.

3. Can anyone suggest any places or platforms that consist of people who are genuinely Single by Choice and thriving? People who sincerely wouldn't trade in their freedom for this idea of "Love" and who have actually decentered Romance?

I ask because it is clear that many people here and in general still desire, yearn for or pedestalise romantic relationships.

There's a lot of posts/comments lamenting about or expressing a desire for the 'ideal' relationship and it implies that many still believe that being Single is an inherently lonely, unfulfilling and empty state to be or at best, a waiting room for a romantic saviour to rescue you from the 'Curse if Singleness'.

I am so tired of having to hear about romance/relationships all the time, as if it is impossible to have a fulfilling life without having a long term sexual partner to sprinkle romantic gestures and affirmations along the way.