i was getting her posts in my community tab and i finally noticed. BITCHHHH I’VE BEEN SUBSCRIBED TO HER! i think i watched some of her gabbie hanna coverage ages ago and when she disappeared off the internet, i for got i was subscribed! i never hit that unsub but so fast oml 😭
As someone who is black (and also white) and queer, I’ve had a lot of thoughts about the Spence situation that I need to get out of my head if anyone is willing to listen. I have also had to unpack many many biases I’ve held as someone who was raised majorly by my white side of my family. There are still things I am dismantling to this day; I am not without fault and I do not say any of this to be on some sort of moral high ground. I also have a very matter-of-fact way of speaking as I am a student studying law and neurodivergent, so I apologize if any of this comes out weird or harsh!
I think this entire situation with the Spence has only made it more clear to me that many white queer people (no tea no shade to all of you here) still have a lot of work to do with unpacking racial biases. When it comes down to it, I personally feel like (and have observed) many white queer people remove themselves from racism entirely **because of their queerness**. It seems to be a common belief that, because of their space within a minority group, they could not possibly hold bias against another minority group because they’re “the same”. This is where the lack of understanding in intersectionality comes into play, which often seems to be ignored.
(Stick with me here, I promise it’s relevant) Something similar to this Spence situation was brought up during the Tyler Catastrophe fiasco (if you kept up with that), wherein a Tumblr post from Tyler’s suspected Tumblr account had been shared. In the post, Tyler (alleged Tyler) told the story of another minor accident he had been in while on his scooter. A man didn’t brake soon enough, bumped his taillight (which broke), and got out of his car to profusely apologize and explain that his brakes were acting up. Tyler said it was cool, get those brakes fixed, the guy gave him some money, and the police weren’t called. To this, Tyler essentially said that he didn’t call the police because the man was black and that this man had been lucky to hit Tyler because he (unlike all the bad white people) wouldn’t have called the police. Tyler tells this story as one of heroism. Look at how good he is for not calling the police on a black man! He isn’t like those racist white people— he’s different! He is not. I do not think Tyler, nor Spence are “racists”. I think they are under the impression that they **cannot** be racist (hence what Spence pointed out in their video). Tyler could have left that story at “I didn’t call the police because it wasn’t that serious”, but instead, he attempted to regal an audience with a white savior complex to the nines. In a sense, I must say that it is “good”, per se, that Tyler is a conscience enough white man to not have called the police on a black man in the South for a minor incident knowing the police’s colorful history with black people. However, it is the way he portrayed the incident that makes one tilt their head at him. The way he speaks in this post makes it abundantly clear that he knows that he, as a white man, could have put the other man in harms way, but he chose not to. He is the quintessential white savior; he craves praise for not hurting a minority when he 100% could have if he wanted to. But he doesn’t see it that way, and neither do many white people, especially white queers.
I view the situation with Paige and Spence in a very similar light. Spence did not think for one second that what they were saying to and about Paige were at all racist because they do not (or did not) believe that they could be racist. They’re queer, they understand the struggles of being a minority. Except they don’t. Not in the way that racial minorities do. Of course, fundamental similarities exist, such as blatant discrimination, predatory law-making, treatment, etc. However, when you take a closer look, you start to notice certain things. You obviously cannot change your sexuality, point blank period. But, you can change the way you dress, the tattoos you choose to put on your body, your hair. You can practically change everything about yourself to no longer present as outwardly queer. You cannot change your skin. Everything else you could potentially change (eyes, hair texture, facial features, etc.) come at a lofty price. If I were to place Paige and Spence on the street in the same exact outfit where, I don’t know, they were dressed as Christian trad wives, people would see a black woman and a person. If I dressed Spence up to look as bland and straight as possible, that is all people would see. But with Paige? People would see a black woman. Even if I change their outfits, even if I try to make them look the exact same, it will always be that way. You cannot change your internal queerness, sure— but you can sure as shit change your outward queerness. You cannot erase blackness. People look at me and see blackness first, only seeing my queerness if I tell them I am such. This is the fundamental difference that white queers often gloss over because they don’t see it that way.
Additionally, because many white queer people do not think they can be racist, they do no work to dismantle any racial biases that might be quietly floating around in their heads; just like Spence. Spence thought that they couldn’t be racist so hard that they not only made a horrible micro aggression towards Paige, but doubled down on it multiple times. They were so convinced that their queerness and their progressiveness put them above racism that they refused to acknowledge their transgressions for a while after they happened. And even when they did make a piss-poor attempt to apologize, they STILL missed the point! Paige doesn’t want to hear “what you meant” when you only saw an angry black woman and “aht-aht”’ed at her. She just wanted you to say you were sorry, reflect, and be better. You refused to listen to her words. This is the whole problem.
Furthermore, this furthers the argument that white people, regardless of what marginalized group(s) they may belong to, will always stick together. Spence felt so bad for Jen and apathetic towards Paige because Jen is also a white lesbian, end of story. They rode so hard for their fellow white person that they could not see the harm they were doing to a black woman because they do not care as much about the harm caused to someone who isn’t in their space. Even with how progressive they may be, black people are still clearly outside of their comfort zone.
All of this is to say that, to my white queers with love: look inwards sometimes. Your queerness does not absolve you of racism, just like my blackness does not absolve me of being racist or prejudiced against others. You’re not a racist, you were just raised in an environment that works for white people (most likely), which is not your fault, but it begs for introspection. Evaluate your thoughts. Look at instances of racism and evaluate how you feel or how you would have reacted. If it feels racist, it probably is. I say all of this with so much love. I want us to be better and to strive for the true equality that we all seek. And it starts from within. 🫶🏼
Edit: Oh! I just wanted to make sure everyone knows that I do not at all think every WQP thinks like this! majority are doing wonderful work to unpack racism and I commend everyone🫶🏼