u/Ok_Mulberry1558

I made a post a few months ago in r/Theatre saying that I was reconsidering my career path. At the time, I was a junior in college. Over the summer, I followed the advice of my advisor and took a complete break from anything theatre related. I worked in a completely different job (a youth swim instructor, which i loved), took a lot of time to focus on myself, and spent my free time hanging out with friends and doing the hobbies I love.

Part of me thought that a break from theatre would make me ready to go when I got back to school. However, when I think about anything theatre related, I get a horrible pit in my stomach. There is a feeling of complete and utter dread at the thought of having my life consumed by school and rehearsals, which is what happened the last time I did a college show. The rehearsal schedule was so intense that I never had any time to myself, and I had to skip out on a lot of my hobbies and time with my friends, both of which are really important to me.

I have an audition coming up next Monday, and all I can think is “I hope I don’t get in”. I only signed up to audition to appease my parents, who didn’t like the idea of me “giving up” on performing. Part of me wonders if I’m only self-sabotaging and trying to convince myself that this isn’t good for me. But I honestly don’t feel any joy at the prospect of doing theatre right now. I will always love theatre, but I don’t know if I want to do it anymore. But if I walk away, I have the terrible fear that I’ll regret it in 10-20 years when my “chance” has passed me by.

I (21F) grew up with parents who I am 99% sure are narcissists of some kind. I always feel weird calling my childhood abusive, because all of my physical needs were consistently met and I was well provided for. I was given plenty of toys, family vacations, etc., and grew up fairly wealthy. However, a part of me still feels as though an aspect of my childhood was neglected. I grew up with multiple undiagnosed disorders, including ADHD and autism. My parents apparently recognized signs of ADHD from a young age, but only took me to get an official diagnosis once it started negatively affecting my schoolwork. The autism was ignored even more, with me only very recently able to obtain a diagnosis (which my parents have elected to avoid speaking about entirely, as if they hope it’ll go away).

More than that, however, is the fact that I was never taught basic life skills. I’m almost graduated from college now, and I still barely know how to cook, clean, or exist independently from them. I don’t know how to do my taxes, make a budget, or do my laundry. I’m embarrassed to admit that until recently, I didn’t know how to do something as simple as washing dishes in the dishwasher. My sister had to be the one to teach me, and it felt so humiliating to not know how to do these things as an adult. I feel like such a sheltered idiot who barely knows how to exist in the ‘real’ world without help. I want to learn these things, but it’s incredibly intimidating and embarrassing. I don’t know where to even start.!

I recently got a part-time job, which pays around $13 an hour. My current schedule has me working about 18 hours per week, with bi-weekly pay. That totals to a little under $500 every paycheck. I’m a college student currently living at home for the summer, so I don’t need to worry about things such as rent, food, or utilities. The only real thing I pay for is helping my mother with gas in exchange for using her car. My father has advised me to put around 80 percent of what I earn into savings, but that seems like a lot to me. I’m concerned that I won’t have any money left over to spend on wants and other things I enjoy. I know this might make me sound a bit like a spoiled brat, since I don’t have to pay for any expenses of my own, but part of the reason I got this job was to be able to afford my own hobbies and interests. I’m definitely still going to put a portion of my paycheck into savings, but is 80% excessive?