Is he just very shy, or careful around a female coworker, or simply not interested?
I (33F) have a crush on a coworker (40M). We work at the same office but in different teams, so we don’t interact much at work.
We talk casually when we bump into each other, and sometimes he gives me a ride home. (Sometimes he offers the ride, sometimes I ask for it.)
About two months ago, I asked him if he’d like to grab dinner when he drove me home. He was nervous and told me some colleagues would see us together. Since he didn’t seem comfortable with it, I didn’t push, but then he said yes, and we had dinner together that day. We had drinks, talked for a few hours about hobbies, travel, family, work, and other random topics. We spent more than three hours together without even checking our phones once. We were shocked to see it was already midnight. Anyway, he paid for that dinner.
After that, I was hoping he’d reach out for a second dinner, but he never did. He’s generally a quiet and reserved person in the office as well. He doesn’t talk much, especially to women around. So I wasn’t sure if he simply wasn’t interested or if he was just shy about inviting me for a second dinner.
A few weeks later, I invited him again, telling him I would pay for dinner this time. He accepted immediately, and we had another dinner after work. Again, the conversation flowed naturally, and we spent around two hours together. When we left, he said the time passed faster than he thought.
Before we separated, he asked how I was getting home and even offered to drive me, but I told him my place was close enough to walk. He walked with me toward my apartment even though it wasn’t on his way. We just said goodbye and left. There was no hug, hand-holding, or any physical contact during all that time.
Since then, we haven’t bumped into each other in the office and haven’t talked. We don’t really message outside of work except for the occasional text on company messenger. Though it’s always me texting first…
Last Friday, I texted him, “Couldn’t see you around this week, seems like you’re busy,” and he just read it and left it without an answer.
Now I’m all confused about what’s happening.
He once noticed that I had taken a day off work and mentioned it later, so he does seem to pay attention.
He compliments me softly and asks me how my meetings went, etc., so he does care.
He has accepted both times I invited him without hesitation.
However, he has never been the one to initiate plans or conversations outside of work.
Because I’ve already initiated both dates, I’ve decided not to reach out again for now. I feel like if he’s interested, he should eventually make some effort too. At the same time, I know some people are genuinely very shy and careful, especially when dating a coworker.
So I’m confused.
Does this sound like someone who’s interested but extremely reserved, or does it sound more like someone who’s happy to accept invitations but isn’t romantically interested enough to pursue anything?
I’d especially like to hear from people who are naturally shy or who have dated coworkers. Am I reading too much into this, or is it reasonable to expect him to initiate at least once if he’s genuinely interested?