How to know if I am not appropriating myself of Jewish culture?
Hello all, and thank you for reading this post.
I am a 25M from Brazil, with European and Middle Eastern ancestry. Since my teenage years, I was very curious about my upbringing and family culture. For reference, my paternal grandmother's father (non-muslim) came from the Ottoman Empire to Brazil in the 1920's, while my mom's ancestors are German and Italians.
In 2021, I got a genetic test from my family as a birthday gift, the provider company being Genera (I think it is the largest of its kind here in Brazil). This genetic test revealed that I have 8% Sephardic and 7% Ashkenazi Jewish. Since then, I have been going after stories, documents and whatever other resources I could find to track this ancestry down. My mother also took the test and she has no Ashkenazi ancestry (but does have Sephardic), so it comes from my paternal side.
Anyway, this has stuck with me since 2021 and, since last year, I reached out to one of my city's synagogues (reform Jewish) and found out that they have a course called Shorashim, that has the goal of providing education on Jewish culture and customs, both for people who want to convert for whatever reason and for those genuinely interested. I talked to the rabbi and even participated in the Hannukah lecture but, ultimately, I did not move forward with the course.
The reason for that is because I have a good friend who is Jewish and holds all customs and rites with his family. During this year's Passover, he invited me and my girlfriend to his family's Seder and it was a great time, where I got to understand and feel, in practical terms, what it is like to be in this environment. And, honestly, it felt amazing. Not only because of the warm welcome we got from all of his family and family friends, but also because of the cozy food, the meaning and stories about freedom and endurance... but, in the end, as I heard his family talk about celebrating Passover with their grandmothers, cooking gefilte fish since they were kids and just really living all of that since basically always, I couldn't help but feel like I was being an intruder to someone else's culture and traditions, as I obviously had never done any of that before.
Actually, this feeling of not belonging is exactly why I didn't move forward with the Shorashim course. When I attended, I noticed that most of the students were there for very clear, immediate reasons, like preparing for marriage with a Jewish partner. I felt like I wasn't on the same "vibe," and out of respect for their space, I thought it would be better to keep researching my genealogy and reading on my own before embarking on a formal journey, so I wouldn't feel like a fraud or an intruder.
My friend's family is Ashkenazi and mostly secular/agnostic, yet very deeply connected to their Jewish identity. The Seder was beautiful, they even handed us a Haggadah to follow along, kept the prayers brief, and focused heavily on the values of community, fighting for human rights, and historical resistance. The food was fantastic (I really loved the fried gefilte fish with chrein and the kneidlach), and I felt a profound connection to the values being discussed at that table.
However, because my ancestors had their Jewish identity silenced or lost generations ago, I have a deep fear that stepping further into this culture means I am appropriating something that isn't mine to claim. I want to honor my roots, but I am terrified of offending people who actually grew up living this culture by trying to insert myself into it.
I would love to get some input from this community regarding these feelings:
To the converts: How did you deal with this "imposter syndrome"? How do you reconcile the fact that you don't have those childhood memories or family traditions with the process of building your Jewish identity now?
To the born Jews: How do you perceive someone in my position, someone with distant, recently discovered ancestry trying to reconnect or even convert? Does it feel like cultural appropriation, or do you view it as a legitimate return?
Thank you all so much for your time and guidance :)