It’s been a year since anyone has heard from my ex-girlfriend (who is missing), and I really miss her.
I already posted this on another subreddit, but it doesn't hurt to post it here too.
Some time ago, in another post, I described my relationship at the time with my ex-girlfriend (24F), who had BPD. I never really stopped supporting her, nor did I want to let her go; however, a mistake on both our parts led to her getting fired from her job. That event made a he furious, and he impulsively decided to end things (this happened almost two years ago). Although, come to think of it, it wasn't entirely impulsive; she had said she wasn't good for me and that I deserved someone better. Afterward, we went "no contact"—neither of us reached out to the other, and we effectively shelved our connection. I moved on with my life and had other partners; I’d check her WhatsApp status updates now and then, but I never truly "got over" her—to this day, I find it impossible. After the breakup, she spiraled back into substance abuse, a chaotic lifestyle, partying, promiscuity, and so on (according to what her close friends told me); in other words, she suffered one of her worst relapses after we split up. It makes sense, really, since she once told me that I kept certain impulses and behaviors of hers in check—that, in a way, I gave her a reason to keep fighting—so I suppose that once I left, that reason was gone. She even told her friends that she couldn't look me in the eye after everything that had happened, and that I deserved someone better. They also told me that she would ask about me and how I was doing from time to time—that sometimes tugs at my heartstrings. Anyway, at one point she started reacting to my status updates, viewing my stories, and so on, but I didn't pay it much mind (even though I sometimes interpret it as a way of trying to get my attention), as I was with someone else and starting a new relationship. Time passed, and she stopped being active on all her social media; her close friends started messaging me to ask about her, and people at university would approach me to ask about her as well. But I didn't know anything. After some time—and after another relationship didn't work out because I realized I had never truly gotten over her and kept missing her—I decided to try reaching out to her everywhere, but I got no response. I contacted her mother, who tearfully told me that she had left home and no one knew anything about her whereabouts. Since she "disappeared" a year ago, no one has heard a thing—absolutely nothing. I would message her on Instagram now and then, thinking that maybe one day she’d read them, but obviously, there was never a reply (she had unfollowed me when we broke up); so, after more than a year had passed, I feared the worst. Then, a couple of weeks ago, she followed me back and made a post that said, "Someday you will never see me again." (a scene from the movie Pearl) That was all she did—she didn't answer my messages or anything; she just followed me and disappeared again. I haven't given up on trying to contact her, and I think that. If she had followed me back, it would have been her way of saying, "Hey! I'm alive—don't worry." I hope she’s doing well, that she thinks of me sometimes—even just a little—and that she’s overcoming her problems and finding a beautiful way to face life. As for me, I truly love her and am truly waiting for her; I want to get to know the person she’s become, even though that will likely never happen. I haven't lost hope yet, nor the urge to seek her out; I still miss her, though it’s complicated after all these years. For now, I’ve gone on with my normal life, continued with my projects, moved forward, and met other people—but she is the only one I truly love. And no matter how much I might want to be with someone else, I always, *always* end up thinking of her. I pull away from others realtionships romantic because they haven't—and won't—evoke the same feelings she did; I really miss her. It’s not that I hate myself—I’ve made progress and I love myself—but it really comes down to that feeling of wanting to be with this person. She wasn't my first or last relationship, but she was the person I loved the most and fought the hardest for.
What do you think? Should I just stop trying? Tomorrow would mark two years with her, and it’s been a year since she disappeared. I sent her a message (which obviously she didn't see) suggesting we meet tomorrow at a place that’s special to both of us. I don't think she'll show up, but it's one of my last attempts.
everyoneaskedaboutyou