I'm (28F) sad my SIL is unexpectedly pregnant and I'm still WTT 3+ years
I (28F) want to start a family with my partner (28M) of 2 years but we are waiting. We won't be married until 2028. I won't be done with my doctorate program until 2029. I will be at least 31 and more likely 32 by the time it is possible to start trying.
My partner's younger sister (25f, not actually my SIL yet) told my partner and I yesterday while we were hosting a dinner party with our friends that she's 10 weeks pregnant. Of course, I congratulated her and played my part. I cried in the bathroom a little when I had a moment to sneak away from the party. After the party ended, I cried a lot. I feel so jealous and I feel guilty for being jealous. This baby is a surprise for them. My partner and I worry for her because the fiancé has a moderate amount of yellow flags and she is so fully dependent on him.
Still, I'm jealous. I thought about what it would be like if I was pregnant now and my choices would be either an abortion or dropping out of school (gap year is only possible in theory -> coming back to school with a young toddler would make my partner the primary parent and breadwinner which is not doable).
She's younger and a stay-at-home fiancée and has the freedom to work things out according to just her and her fiancé's terms rather than school/career. She gets to have this real little family. I get to keep a little baby box in my closet to help feel like having my own family someday is possible.
I have so many amazing things in my life but the feeling of longing to be a parent makes me feel empty sometimes. And I'm throwing myself into my career, hobbies, and community to help keep the empty feeling away and it works but the yearning is always there just waiting to surface up in the slower moments of my life. I'm anxious about how old I'll be when I start trying and encountering infertility due to it. I'm anxious that even if my first child is conceived easily, because I started so late I won't be able to have the large family my partner and I want.
I'm waiting longer than I wanted to wait and I know that it's for the right reasons. Better to wait until my partner and I have been together longer, we are married, and I'm done with school. It just sucks. It makes me resent my career/schooling. My partner lives life with an immense amount of faith that things will work out and I wish I could channel that.