r/waiting_to_try

My partner and I are in a weird in-between place about having kids and I can't tell if it's normal.

I want kids now. He'd rather wait. He says he wants one more year of feeling free before things change. Fair enough. But he also says he'd be genuinely happy if it happened sooner, and he's not willing to put a date on anything.

He explained it with an analogy that actually made sense to me: it's like how I feel about my car. It's got 260k km on it, I know I'll need a new one eventually, but I'm not actively looking. If the perfect one crossed my path tomorrow, I'd take it. That's how he sees kids right now.

So our default is protected sex, but sometimes, if the moment feels right, we don't. He knew I was ovulating this week and that was part of what made it exciting for him. Next month he might feel completely differently.

In my head this was always binary: either you're trying or you're not. But he lives day by day and genuinely doesn't need a plan. I find it confusing, though I don't think he's being unfair.

Is anyone else in this middle ground? Not trying, not really preventing either, just... seeing what happens?

Hi. I'm a long time lurker of this thread as I know motherhood is something I want and actively plan for in my life. For context, I'm 21, not thinking about having children yet but I have a timeline for my career and buying a house of about 5 years before I'd like to start a family.

I've only been with my current partner for just under a year, and I know you can't plan everything in life exactly but I have a pretty solid idea of my timeline. However, my partner (30) seems to not be so big on timelines and a few things he has said has made me question if having a family is even a priority for him and something is actively working towards.

Yes, I know I'm young and have time on my side. But I really don't want to work hard over the next 5 years completing all my goals, be ready to try, and still be met with uncertainty about time and stability from him. I'm not one to casually date, I need to feel like I'm working towards building something.

Ultimately, my question is, is it worth taking that risk if I know exactly what I want? Has anyone else has similar experiences?

We're not planning to start trying for a little while, but I've found myself reading a lot about fertility tracking lately.

Part of me feels like it makes sense to understand my cycle before we actually get there, but another part wonders if I'm just giving myself information I don't really need yet.

For anyone who started tracking before TTC, did you feel like it helped once the time came?

My husband and I are in our early 30s (I’m 32 and he’s 33). We recently spoke and we want to have two kids. One when I’m hopefully 34 and the other when I’m 36. If this is the case, we would have to start trying next year when I’m 33. I’m very fit and body conscious. I am so worried about gaining weight during pregnancy and not being able to lose it or be able to be fit again. I also have PMDD and I’m worried about post partum depression since I’m more at risk. I’m basically scared about everything let’s be honest lol… I don’t know if I’m ready to give up our lives to put our kids first. I want to continue traveling. We did discuss 3 more Europe trips before this happens and I know this is still possible with kids. We have a great support system as well.. but still anxious about it all. Just venting and wondering if anybody feels or has felt the same way.

My husband and I moved from Ontario to BC Canada when we were 28 in 2023. We have now been here 3 years. During our time in BC I have found it difficult to build community and find a consistent social circle. At the end of 2025, we were unsure about moving home because we wanted to start a family, but ultimately decided to stay in BC and start trying for a baby. Fast forward to March of 2026, I miscarried at 10 weeks pregnant. When we found out I was pregnant we moved into a bigger rental and signed a year lease until April 2027. After the miscarriage I didn’t feel ready to try again and wanted to enjoy the summer. However, now that fall is coming up I am finding myself wishing that I had just tried to get pregnant again/was pregnant because I am finding myself wanting to move back Ontario. Lately, I keep feeling like having baby back in our hometown would be better because there would be friends and family around to share the experience with and to help us out. However, I also worry a lot about waiting another 8 months before starting to try to conceive again because we can’t really move home before the lease is done without paying it out or double rent etc.

Basically I am just looking for some advice on what I should do; stay in BC and try to have a baby without my friends and family, or wait 8-12 months (I will be 32) and risk another miscarriage or not being able to get pregnant.

Thank you

Ive really been struggling lately. Ive wanted a baby my entire adult life and it was a lot easier to control the urge when i was younger but I’m 26 now. I have worked with children of all ages professionally for the past 8 years and know everything there is to know. All the best baby gear and products, tips and tricks, I’m a master at gentle parenting and trauma prevention. I would be the best mother i could possibly be.

I do not live the life of the average 26 year old. I have a fiancé and we have been together for 7 years. We don’t drink and we don’t go out. We are both musicians/artists and are both in school currently. He wants to wait and i don’t. My family says there is no perfect time and i know they would help us. But i would have to work and i wouldn’t get to spend time with my baby. Unfortunately my fiancé is correct and we cant afford to have one right now. We also have debt to pay off that wont be paid til I’m 30. I just really don’t want to be 30 when we have a baby. Or have any family members die before my child gets to spend time with them. I don’t care if we cant afford it. We could definitely make it work with help.

Watching people i know getting pregnant is the worst feeling in the world. I break down and cry every time. I had to delete social media. It feels terrible that my Fiancé is not willing to take the risk with me out of love. & it feels terrible to continue to wait for a perfect time that may never come.

My (26) husband (27) and I have been very on the fence about when to try for a baby. We got married less than a month ago and have had multiple conversations about waiting a few years because of debt, not being where we want to be in terms of salary and job stability, living in an apartment, and also wanting to enjoy being married just by ourselves for a few years before making a solid decision on if we want kids.

We never made a decision to start trying, but our wedding night we didn’t use protection. I have PCOS and he’s been told he has low mobility, so I wasn’t too worried about it. We even had a convo probably about a week ago where we agreed not to do that again because we both aren’t ready, but that it was probably fine that one time because we both have fertility issues. However, I’ve been feeling very brain foggy, have been cramping, had a tiny bit of nausea, and then last night I had a very vivid dream that I was pregnant. I took a test today and within 2 minutes it was positive.

I haven’t even told my husband yet. I’m terrified because I don’t know if he’ll be excited or only feel stressed. As much as I want a family with him, we have both very openly agreed we aren’t ready and there are so many things that terrify me about bringing a child into this world. I guess I’m not really looking for advice, more just needed to get these feelings off my chest. On the one hand, I feel very lucky it happened so quickly as I always expected we would have a really hard time getting pregnant, but on the other hand, this is not when I would’ve chosen for this to happen. If anyone has words of encouragement, I could really use them right now.

I (28F) want to start a family with my partner (28M) of 2 years but we are waiting. We won't be married until 2028. I won't be done with my doctorate program until 2029. I will be at least 31 and more likely 32 by the time it is possible to start trying.

My partner's younger sister (25f, not actually my SIL yet) told my partner and I yesterday while we were hosting a dinner party with our friends that she's 10 weeks pregnant. Of course, I congratulated her and played my part. I cried in the bathroom a little when I had a moment to sneak away from the party. After the party ended, I cried a lot. I feel so jealous and I feel guilty for being jealous. This baby is a surprise for them. My partner and I worry for her because the fiancé has a moderate amount of yellow flags and she is so fully dependent on him.

Still, I'm jealous. I thought about what it would be like if I was pregnant now and my choices would be either an abortion or dropping out of school (gap year is only possible in theory -> coming back to school with a young toddler would make my partner the primary parent and breadwinner which is not doable).

She's younger and a stay-at-home fiancée and has the freedom to work things out according to just her and her fiancé's terms rather than school/career. She gets to have this real little family. I get to keep a little baby box in my closet to help feel like having my own family someday is possible.

I have so many amazing things in my life but the feeling of longing to be a parent makes me feel empty sometimes. And I'm throwing myself into my career, hobbies, and community to help keep the empty feeling away and it works but the yearning is always there just waiting to surface up in the slower moments of my life. I'm anxious about how old I'll be when I start trying and encountering infertility due to it. I'm anxious that even if my first child is conceived easily, because I started so late I won't be able to have the large family my partner and I want.

I'm waiting longer than I wanted to wait and I know that it's for the right reasons. Better to wait until my partner and I have been together longer, we are married, and I'm done with school. It just sucks. It makes me resent my career/schooling. My partner lives life with an immense amount of faith that things will work out and I wish I could channel that.

It’s already been feeling this way for the past year. In the past 3 months, 2 friends have had their first baby and just this weekend I found out 2 other friends are also pregnant with their first.

Our time is so close, only a few months away. But I’m dying here. I am so happy for them but having a hard time not feeling jealous.

TW: abortion, pregnancy loss, termination for medical reasons (TFMR)

Anyone else waiting or have waited due to mental health issues?

I conceived early last summer a planned and very wanted baby. All was well until my 20 week ultrasound where they discovered my son had a very serious condition. I saw fetal specialists in another state for tests to see the severity of the issue and found out my little boy’s condition was fatal. I had a termination in November at 23 weeks to not prolong the inevitable suffering which lied ahead for him. Hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life.

Afterwards, I developed extremely bad health anxiety and was eager to TTC immediately and I conceived my first cycle back and it ended in a chemical pregnancy. Had another chemical at the end of May. In March I woke up and everything didn’t seem real and I was so foggy and out of it and had extremely bad anxiety. I went to the ER multiple times, neurologists and had every test under the sun and all was normal. These symptoms persisted and got really bad and I didn’t sleep for weeks and I finally hit my breaking point when I found out I was pregnant again and I realized I was not ready. I went into inpatient treatment for my mental health for a week and then came home and that day I found out I was having a second chemical pregnancy. I decided to focus on getting better and put TTC on hold. I’m now getting therapy and have started meds for both my mental health and sleep. I’m still very much numb and in a dream like state that is better/worse some days but I’ve come a long way and even on the bad days, I feel better than the “good” days I had before I got help.

I’m 34 at the end of this year and have no living children. I worry about my age being an issue even though I know I’ve still got time left. My best friend just found out she’s pregnant too and I envy her so much because I so badly want a baby but I know I need to take care of me first. I’m grieving my baby boy and it’s hit me like a train. My husband and I will be discussing TTC again at the beginning of next year and it’ll be something I discuss with my psychiatrist, therapist and Obgyn before I start. It just feels like double the pain. Losing a baby and then having to deal with the aftermath of that and having to put TTC on hold when you so badly want a baby.

Does anyone have a specific "to-do" list they want to complete before trying? Timeline is 4-6 months for me.

So far mine is:

-genetic carrier screening

-get life insurance

-physical therapy and/or regularly going to gym

-getting off unsafe meds

Anything I'm missing?

I'm in California, I'm 27 years old and 1 month pregnant... Anyone can't have kids but want 1?

I know it’s because of stress, but that slight twinge of fear i get from a late period is so exciting, and but so incredibly disappointing when it turns out to be what i expect. Sigh… another $15 wasted on tests and wishful thinking

I'm 29 years old & happily married to my husband. I've always wanted to start a family with him, but it was kind of a distant goal that I never thought about too much. We discussed at the beginning of this year that we'll start trying around October. I wanted to move closer to our family and get my career into a more stable place first.

Anyways, October is coming up and this past month I've began feeling intense emotions out of the blue about wanting a baby NOW. Like, the type of baby fever that led me to pull out my IUD in my bathroom by myself (dumb, I know) and pay for an expensive cycle tracking app. I promptly told my husband about this and he said he'd still like to wait until October as we're in the middle of moving cities (which is very reasonable).

Ever since I feel like I've been having some sort of breakdown. I keep seeing babies, pregnant women & young children and feeling this intense yearning, followed by anxiety and sadness. I keep thinking about my sister in law who just recently had her 1st, and how excited and jealous I am of her. I keep feeling this anxiety - what if I'm infertile? What if I'm not fit to be a mom? What if my husband is lying to me and doesn't actually want to have a baby with me?

I think I'm just seeking reassurance at this point. I don't know if what I'm experiencing is normal baby fever or whether it's pathological. I've never felt THIS level of wanting a baby... it almost feels desperate and embarrassing.

Hey all! So we are waiting about 5 years to try for many other reasons but I’d love to take this time to really get my PCOS under control to increase my fertility and decrease my miscarriage chances 🤍 Im newly diagnosed after taking birth control for ONE month and it screwing up my cycle for the last five months and think i have a pretty mild case of PCOS. I’m a healthy weight and have no indications of insulin resistance besides having PCOS. What diet changes did you make if you’re in a similar boat? So far I’m just taking a myo and d chiro inositol 40:1 powder with folic acid and vitamin d 2x a day, as thats all my doctor recommended.

Background if its helpful: I have the polycystic appearing ovaries and ovulate a little late around day 17, testosterone is on the higher side of normal, some hormonal acne but nothing crazy foe a 19 year old, and so far every other lab has been normal but i am getting a post ovulation progesterone checked next week along with a fasting insulin test.

I don’t struggle with excess body hair, weight issues, irregular bleeding besides a slightly longer cycle around 31 days because of the delayed ovulation, hair thinning, dark patches of skin, skin tags, or family history.

My family members all have kids, two of them recently just had babies, and I’m struggling!! My husband and I are going to start TTC in a couple of months, and I’m just spiraling that we should’ve been trying this whole time since you don’t know how long it’ll take to get pregnant.

Every pregnancy announcement just makes me long for this more and more! I know comparison is the thief of joy but being a mom is literally the only thing I want and the anticipation of waiting & not knowing how long TTC will take is so hard

I feel ready in every sense for a baby that I feel sad and empty without it. I just wanna know how to deal with these feelings while waiting.

I've been trying to pay attention to cervical mucus because everyone says it's one of the best signs to track, but honestly.. I've no idea what I'm looking at half the time.

I read the guides, look at the charts, and then when it comes to my own cycle I'm just sitting there wondering, is this what they're talking about or not? Does it actually get easier after a few months, or do most people combine it with something else? Right now I don't feel confident enough to rely on cervical mucus alone.

Hey everyone! My first time here.

I’m in my early 20s, but i’ve been with my partner since we were 14. He’s one of the kindest, hardest working people I know- and he’s always so enthusiastic to discuss what our future will look like, which I love! I am so grateful for him, and our goals line up really well. I think we deal with any conflicts of goals (when there are any) quite positively, and after a turbulent childhood having someone who is so open to communication, so stable and so emotionally intelligent is something I feel immense gratitude for every day.

I know my goals. I know it’s important to me to be stable before I start a family. After growing up in poverty, I’ll be damned if I bring a child into the world before I know I can give them everything they deserve and need. Both my partner and I are in university, and saving for a mortgage and our timeline is set- graduate, buy a property, marriage, then kids.

But I think about how long we’ve been together, and it’s hard knowing that most people would have been married and had kids by now. I know it’s probably a bit ridiculous, but the urges of wanting to progress and have kids and raise little ones to be the best they can be is so overwhelming sometimes. Having kids is always something i’ve wanted, and I watch my friends start their own families and it feels like my heart is being torn apart.

I want to be pregnant. I want to have my little one, I want to show off my tiny bubba, I want to put them in their little uniform and send them off to school, I want to watch them thrive in whatever activity makes them happy.

And I know, to be able to do that and give them the life they deserve, I need to stick to my timeline. But I see my friends in their relationships of 2, 3 years getting married- having babies, because they didn’t go to university or their partners are the ones bringing in income and I feel envy.

Envy in a way that makes me feel awful and evil. I am outwardly so happy for them, and I love to hear how happy they are in their situations- but internally, in some dark part of my mind, I resent them. I know it will be in my future, but I just crave it so badly.

Thanks for listening to my rant, i dunno. I’m sure there’s more people here who feel similarly. I know, realistically- this is the best path for me. Just gets so hard when you feel like everyone’s ahead of you despite being in a relationship far longer than anyone else.

We are going to try to conceive next month. Just found out my aunt has Huntington's.

She was probably not even going to tell us. They were talking about what people in our family have died of (which my in-laws asked me last week so I had looked at a text she sent me like 10 years ago) and I mentioned how she had told me previously that her grandmother (my great) had Huntington's.

And my cousin goes "she has it" because she thought we already knew. She would not have told us otherwise.

My grandmother (her mom) and my mother both died young of cancer so they could have had it, which means that I and my children could also have it.