r/waiting_to_try

i thought picking a prenatal would be pretty straightforward, but the more i look at them, the more i realize there’s also the question of how i actually want to take it every day. capsules still seem like the easiest option for me, although i keep seeing people choose gummies or powder instead.

i’ve been comparing a few brands while we’re still waiting to try, including Needed, Ritual, FullWell, and Perelel. Needed is probably the one i’m leaning toward right now, partly because i like having the capsule option without feeling like i have to commit to a gummy or drink mix.

for anyone who has tried more than one format, what made you ultimately stick with capsules instead of switching to powder or gummies?

My husband and I have recently been talking about trying to conceive. I’m 20 and he’s 22. I know we’re both pretty young, we got married in May, have a home together and are financially stable.
My husband recently got a job as a police officer with good pay and great insurance. We’re also fortunate to have a really strong support system.
I’m not necessarily looking for opinions on whether or not we should have kids at our age. I understand that everyone’s situation is different. I’m more interested in hearing from people who became parents young or were in a similar position.
Do you wish you had waited, or are you happy you started your family when you did? What were some things you didn’t expect about becoming a parent?
I’d really appreciate any advice or personal experiences! ❤️

We are waiting to try until early 2028 but want to use this time for tracking my fertility and getting to know my body better.
I have started reading Taking Control of your Fertility as recommended by this sub! But wondered if anyone can recommend any apps for tracking?
Most of the apps I can find seem to be algorithm based and only consider one parameter (temperature) which makes me nervous. I am UK based. Any recommendations? Thank you!

Note: Can someone please read this and respond? I'm really struggling here /:

TLDR: I have bipolar. I spent several years questioning my marriage and behaving erratically. I finally got treatment and am stabilizing. I'm falling back in love with my husband, but the damage has been done. I'm fine with the idea of being a single mother and am considering freezing my eggs. Sad and stressed.

I'm 33. I have a good job. I'm not super well paid yet but I get by and am working my way up. I've always known I want to be a mother. But the clock is ticking. I know I still "have time" but I also need to be realistic about the limit to that time. Time passes fairly quickly if you let it.

I've been with my husband for 7 years and married for 4. Our relationship started out as a beautiful passionate love story. It still is a beautiful love story imo but our marriage is complex. It's not that I'm not happy in the marriage, though that has been true at some points.

I have bipolar 1, which I have suspected for several years and did take some medication for. But the med I was on was not sufficiently treating it. I was only officially diagnosed about a month ago and started in a new med that is going well so far. (Note: please don't tell me I shouldn't have children if I'm bipolar. It's a personal decision and that's not what I'm looking for input on. Though I do know I need to be mentally stable and treated before having children).

For some context, bipolar usually manifests in one's late 20s and is progressive if not properly treated. My depressive episodes made me unbearably unhappy in general, but also in the marriage. I began questioning the marriage about 2-3 years ago and communicated this to him about 2 years ago. I was unhappy in general, there are some behaviors of his that bother me (he's not perfect, but who is? Obviously not me either), I also began wondering if I'm a lesbian (I'm bisexual, always have been, I've settled this question for myself now). Either way, it broke his heart. We tried to work on things. He gave me time. But everytime I became depressed I would begin questioning the marriage again.

On top of that, when one is in a manic episode, their prefrontal cortex basically stops working (the part of the brain responsible for judgment and decision making) and the brain is flooded with dopamine, which leads to extreme impulsivity. So my manic episodes led me to do some insane things including, not direct cheating, but breaking/pushing some of his boundaries (we are polyamorous/non-monogamous and have been for the entirety of our relationship and marriage). My breaking/pushing his boundaries, on top of questioning the marriage, led to a significant amount of turmoil in our household and stress for him. My behavior was unpredictable and it took a big toll on his own mental health. Oh I should also mention, because of the relationship uncertainty, we haven't had sex in about a year, but we have still maintained hugs and cuddling and holding hands. We were kissing too but that stopped recently.

Anyways, as mentioned, I recently got diagnosed and medicated. I also got sober and started going to therapy again. (I'm not an alcoholic but rather quit bc alcohol/weed/etc is bad for bipolar). I finally feel stable after years of up and down turmoil with my mental health. I started falling in love with him again and thought I could re-become the kind of woman he'd want to be with again.

But the damage was done.

About a month ago he sent me a series of really intense texts at 5am when I was staying over at a friends. He said we needed to start looking for separate apartments. I came home to find his wedding ring off his finger and placed on my bedside table.

On top of everything else, I'm an immigrant and I've applied for permanent residency through spousal sponsorship but it hasn't been approved yet. The PR application has a co-habitation requirement. A few weeks ago he called me and said he viewed an apartment. So in addition to everything, my immigration status would be fucked if he moved out and I'd probably have to move out of the country and away from my job (that I worked my ass off for and love) in a year. This threw me into a complete tailspin. Since then, things have settled down and he said he won't move out, but the stress and feeling of betrayal was next level.

He's softening to me again a bit. We're both back in the house (he stayed elsewhere for about a week) and we are hugging and cuddling again. No kissing though. But maybe there is hope.

Anyways. Another bit of context. Ever since I was young, like about 13, I had imagined myself as a single mother. I think the heteronormative script of monogamy always felt limiting to me. When I was 13, my friends and I would write short stories about our future selves and, even at that age, I always wrote myself into the stories as a single mother. So, I'm open to unconventional paths, I just know I want to be a mother. I don't feel ready immediately, but within the next few years.

I've been considering freezing my eggs, but money is a barrier. I'm thinking of asking my abusive parents for an early inheritance to pay for egg freezing...

Bless your heart if you read it all.

CW: obviously I'm a sub grad

Thought I'd share another year of toddler expenses as people found my last one useful! Here's what we spent in the first year and here is what we spent in the second year.

These expenses cover everything we spent on our kid during age 1 as a partly thrifty, partly particular family in a VHCOL in the US.

• Childcare — $23,560. Full-time toddler care at a registered in-home center.
• Supplies — $1,488. Includes: regular items like diapers, wipes, soap, and (eczema) lotion, but also a lot of upgrades for outgrown toddler items.
  • Upgrades: A bunch of things he outgrew: pack n play, sleep sacks, hiking carrier, baby camping chair into -> toddler air mattress(es), sleeping bag, kids chair, travel car seat, etc.
  • Also potty training; there were some supplies needed for that too.
  • I mentioned in my last post that I thought we'd have spent much more in this category during age 2 than age 1 ($867 was the number for the previous year).
• Medical care — ~$212. Standard medical appointments and some OTC medicines.
• 3rd birthday party — $438. We host around 50 people with food and drinks so this number is kind of built in.
• Clothing/shoes — $806. This is a little flabbergasting to me as I shop mostly secondhand. 🫣
  • Swimsuits and shoes are particularly expensive because they really need to be bought new and I'm fairly particular in these categories (high-vis colors for swim, wide toe box for shoes, etc.). I estimated those account for $300 of this total.
  • I'm also consoling myself with the fact that does include a decent amount of ski/snow clothes, boots, socks, and mittens for his current size and the next size couple of sizes up.
• Activities/Education — $2,743. Oof... swim lessons are the bulk of this and are clearly expensive. We also didn't start these until he was 2.5. Also includes ski googles and helmet, a weekend ski rental, and the $10 processing fee for his ski season pass.
• Toys — $230. Includes "real" golf clubs paid for partially with a gift card ($50), Disney souvenir Cars ($50), Easter basket fillers ($15), and some wooden toys to replace what he'd outgrown ($113). He did receive gifts for Christmas and his birthday even though we asked for no gifts for his birthday.
• Bedroom/Decor — $0. His room has stayed largely the same since I decorated it while I was pregnant. I guess I thrifted a few baskets for his toys totaling ~$20, but I'm sure I categorized those as household decor because they're in our living room.
• Travel —$250. A flight booked partially with miles.

Grand total: $29,727 of which childcare is basically 80%. Lots of spots to cut back but it was interesting how we were higher in so many categories this year vs the last.

What's not included: We took a trip to Disney but he had free entry since he was under 3. We took a couple of plane trips that were gifted by family; I didn't include "his portion" of hotels as we would've paid it anyways. Also not included is gifted clothes and toys.

Hope this is helpful to someone!