Struggling
Ive really been struggling lately. Ive wanted a baby my entire adult life and it was a lot easier to control the urge when i was younger but I’m 26 now. I have worked with children of all ages professionally for the past 8 years and know everything there is to know. All the best baby gear and products, tips and tricks, I’m a master at gentle parenting and trauma prevention. I would be the best mother i could possibly be.
I do not live the life of the average 26 year old. I have a fiancé and we have been together for 7 years. We don’t drink and we don’t go out. We are both musicians/artists and are both in school currently. He wants to wait and i don’t. My family says there is no perfect time and i know they would help us. But i would have to work and i wouldn’t get to spend time with my baby. Unfortunately my fiancé is correct and we cant afford to have one right now. We also have debt to pay off that wont be paid til I’m 30. I just really don’t want to be 30 when we have a baby. Or have any family members die before my child gets to spend time with them. I don’t care if we cant afford it. We could definitely make it work with help.
Watching people i know getting pregnant is the worst feeling in the world. I break down and cry every time. I had to delete social media. It feels terrible that my Fiancé is not willing to take the risk with me out of love. & it feels terrible to continue to wait for a perfect time that may never come.