u/Salty-Swordfish4115

My partner and I are in a weird in-between place about having kids and I can't tell if it's normal.

I want kids now. He'd rather wait. He says he wants one more year of feeling free before things change. Fair enough. But he also says he'd be genuinely happy if it happened sooner, and he's not willing to put a date on anything.

He explained it with an analogy that actually made sense to me: it's like how I feel about my car. It's got 260k km on it, I know I'll need a new one eventually, but I'm not actively looking. If the perfect one crossed my path tomorrow, I'd take it. That's how he sees kids right now.

So our default is protected sex, but sometimes, if the moment feels right, we don't. He knew I was ovulating this week and that was part of what made it exciting for him. Next month he might feel completely differently.

In my head this was always binary: either you're trying or you're not. But he lives day by day and genuinely doesn't need a plan. I find it confusing, though I don't think he's being unfair.

Is anyone else in this middle ground? Not trying, not really preventing either, just... seeing what happens?

I'm 26, and exactly two years ago I had an abortion at around six weeks pregnant.

It wasn't because I didn't want the baby. At the time, my partner and I simply weren't ready, especially him. He was struggling with severe OCD and unresolved mental health issues, and we both felt it wasn't the right time to bring a child into that situation. Looking back, I don't think we made the wrong decision with the information we had then.

The situation is very different now. My partner has worked incredibly hard on himself and is doing so much better. He often tells me that if I accidentally got pregnant now, he'd actually be happy. He has even said he would never want me to go through another abortion. We communicate really well about all of this, and I know he genuinely wants children someday.

The problem is... ever since the abortion, I've had intense baby fever. It's almost like it started the moment the pregnancy ended, and it's only become stronger over the last two years.

We've agreed that we'd like to have our first child within the next three years. Rationally, I know that's not a very long time. But emotionally, it feels endless.

My partner reassures me that it may happen sooner because he's becoming more excited about the idea of children. At the same time, he doesn't want to promise me anything earlier because he doesn't want to accidentally disappoint me if he ends up needing more time. I completely understand that, and I actually appreciate his honesty.

Still, every single month I secretly hope my period doesn't come. Even though we're being careful and I'm not trying to get pregnant, a part of me hopes for an "oops" pregnancy every cycle.

Then my period arrives, and I crash emotionally. Every month feels like another grieving process. My best friend is pregnant with her second child now, which makes these feelings even more intense. I find myself thinking about babies constantly, and it's starting to affect my mood, my concentration, and even my work performance.

I don't really know what I'm grieving anymore. The pregnancy I lost? The future I have to wait for? Or just the fact that I want something so deeply that I can't have yet?

Has anyone else experienced something like this after an abortion, or even just while waiting for the right time to have children? How did you cope with the waiting without letting it consume your life?

I'd really appreciate hearing from people who have been through something similar.

Terwijl mijn partner en z'n vrienden genieten van de crematie van onschuldige slachtoffers, willen ze voor mij ook een keer wat op de bbq leggen. Maar ik heb eerlijk gezegd geen idee welke instructies ik ze hiervoor moet geven en welke plantaardige opties nou echt goed smaken en waar een bbq ook echt tot zijn recht komt.

Dus, vandaar de vraag: welk vegan eten is nou écht lekker van de bbq?