Waiting to try due to mental health issues after TFMR
TW: abortion, pregnancy loss, termination for medical reasons (TFMR)
Anyone else waiting or have waited due to mental health issues?
I conceived early last summer a planned and very wanted baby. All was well until my 20 week ultrasound where they discovered my son had a very serious condition. I saw fetal specialists in another state for tests to see the severity of the issue and found out my little boy’s condition was fatal. I had a termination in November at 23 weeks to not prolong the inevitable suffering which lied ahead for him. Hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life.
Afterwards, I developed extremely bad health anxiety and was eager to TTC immediately and I conceived my first cycle back and it ended in a chemical pregnancy. Had another chemical at the end of May. In March I woke up and everything didn’t seem real and I was so foggy and out of it and had extremely bad anxiety. I went to the ER multiple times, neurologists and had every test under the sun and all was normal. These symptoms persisted and got really bad and I didn’t sleep for weeks and I finally hit my breaking point when I found out I was pregnant again and I realized I was not ready. I went into inpatient treatment for my mental health for a week and then came home and that day I found out I was having a second chemical pregnancy. I decided to focus on getting better and put TTC on hold. I’m now getting therapy and have started meds for both my mental health and sleep. I’m still very much numb and in a dream like state that is better/worse some days but I’ve come a long way and even on the bad days, I feel better than the “good” days I had before I got help.
I’m 34 at the end of this year and have no living children. I worry about my age being an issue even though I know I’ve still got time left. My best friend just found out she’s pregnant too and I envy her so much because I so badly want a baby but I know I need to take care of me first. I’m grieving my baby boy and it’s hit me like a train. My husband and I will be discussing TTC again at the beginning of next year and it’ll be something I discuss with my psychiatrist, therapist and Obgyn before I start. It just feels like double the pain. Losing a baby and then having to deal with the aftermath of that and having to put TTC on hold when you so badly want a baby.