u/Ok_Sock_3257

I’m the parent of 2 estranged adult children. I’m not asking for absolution or agreement. But just curious of people’s take on the situation. And it takes two to screw up a relationship. I accept my faults.

My son went to a private national university, all paid by me and he graduated with a computer engineering degree. While at school, he did well in his studies (he’s smart) but also played video games to the point where all his peers had internships but he never tried to apply. So summer break would happen and he’d come home with nothing to do other than play games. This went on to graduation. There was quite a bit of discourse between my wife and me but she was of the “let him be” mindset. So now he graduates with nothing on the work horizon. A quarter of a million dollars spent and he comes home and plays more video games. Life goes on and my wife and I separate. I tell him, now that she is gone, you can’t sit at home and play games. Finding a job is a 40 hr a week job, and when you aren’t applying to jobs, you are writing code and publishing to GitHub (nerd stuff but critical at the time to finding engineering work). He knuckles down and does it and lands a “new hire” program position at a great company. It’s for recent grads and now that he’s missed the new grad hiring window he has to wait one year. So he starts playing games again. I tell him “NO”. Volunteer, find a gig, do contract work. But you aren’t playing video games 40 hrs a week. At this time, my ex has moved into her own place and he says he’s moving in with her. So he spends the next year playing games and then goes off to his job where he is successful (He is smart) but he has no social life. I have access to his bank accounts. It’s just sad. Purchases to game companies (steam etc…). He doesn’t want to talk to me.

My daughter is slightly different. Smart, engaging and driven. Private national universities again. Even more academically proficient than my son. Three quarters of a million dollars into her education and she gets accepted to a great PhD program. Underwritten by me. I am all for it but I am then diagnosed with cancer. Her PhD program has given her a full ride so I tell her I’m quitting my job and I couldn’t work like I did before while fighting cancer and her only comment was “well can you give me X for this…”. So I write her a check for more than most families make in a year, and her response is “thanks”. They make student loans, car loans, home loans, one thing they don’t make is retirement or medical loans. I need what money I hadn’t spent on the kids for my cancer care. She get’s grumpy about it.

So I’m receiving treatment and am sick. She comes to town (I know as I underwrite it) and she doesn’t call to see how I am doing. I don’t need “help” and can stagger around my home but a call would be nice. So I call her. She’s out with her friends on the town! I yell at her. Not a proud moment but I was furious. Not even a “how are you doing” or “do you need help” when she is in town.

So she goes no contact, oh, other than to take money.

I feel like I created these people. I ‘m sure there are other context items where the kids were like “dad did this” but seriously, these kids wanted for nothing. I never missed an academic event, soccer game, football game, gymnastics meet or cross country event. I took time off and made up the time at night (as an engineer I could do that).

I led a very big project at my company. You have heard of this company and heard of this product. A completely new architecture. A gamble. All on me. I thought I was going to die of stress so many times. I’m sure it impacted our home lives. I was there but probably withdrawn all of the time.

But I am furious at my kids. Probably more than they are of me. Where did I go wrong?

TLDR: I threw a bunch of money at my kids. I worked too much. I pushed my kids.

I have a big(ish) space of roughly 25x35 with a vaulted ceiling. I currently have a pair of Wharfedale EVO 5.1's and a Kanto sub that I moved from a much smaller room. These seem to do fine. But I can't help wonder would I get more "presence" or "umph" and not necessarily volume out of towers. Or is it down to placement and room treatment?

I'm curious as to what other folks have experienced when going down this path.

I was having a debate with friends about how shifting political views, culture and "beliefs" tend to warp the recollection of what actually happened.

What started this discussion was that Madonna made an appearance at the World Cup. I mentioned to a few friends about a movie I had watched years ago, "Truth or Dare" and the rape of one of the assistants. No one recalled the scene. On the Wikipedia page for the movie, not a mention. But as I recall, one of Madonna's assistants (not a fashionable person like Madonna...) came back after a night out and told Madonna and crew that she thinks she was sexually assaulted. She drugged and at that point was assaulted. Instead of offering help, or a ride to the hospital or call the police, Madonna laughed. But she gets a pass and is an icon of women's solidarity and such.

And searching for any references for this... I find an archived burb but of course, the whole thread was deleted on Reddit as was any reference to this issue in Wikipedia. The OP asking this question is 100% correct.

Sharon Gault : r/Madonna - Reddit

Watching Truth or Dare for the first time in forever. I'm having a serious problem with the rape of Sharon Gault aka Momma Makeup. Why wasn't anything done? Why was she laughed at and made fun of??

Why do some people get a pass?

I've been away from RPG's since AD&D 1st Edition. A group of friends started playing a recent version of Traveller and asked if I wanted to play. What I noticed right away is that there is not much role play and much more stats play. Everything seems to revolve around a PC's skill set / characteristics and the game tends to devolve into an odd 3rd person passive tense when there is any sort of social encounter with NPC's. It boils down to Player - "I ask for information", GM - "roll". No role play at all. Each task goes to whomever has the best odds to succeed. No role playing, no problem solving in real time. The encounters are lifeless too. Instead of a puzzle to solve to open a door, it's Player - "I pick the lock", GM - "roll". No more, no less. The players have had all imagination drained from them, the GM does literally nothing on the creative side to set the stage.

And mundane tasks such as landing the ship requires a roll. So instead of getting past things that don't add to the story, we spend 45 minutes rolling for success on the most trivial tasks.

To be honest, it feels like the game is a table top version of a computer based RPG. Flat, lifeless stats game where there are just a few choices along the path and you just chose from a menu.

What's a good way to guide everyone out of this rut? Or am I missing something and this is the gold star of RPG's these days?

Edit:

Thanks for the input. The GM and players are dear friends so I don't want to bail. But I will role play my butt off and drop hints where I can. I was not a "theater child" in my youth and am actually very introverted. RPG's let me be who I am not!