u/Ok_Squash5288

I graduated with a Master's in Biotech in 2021. I work in a company as a Sr. RA in Upstream and am looking for ways to upskill in the field. I don't know if there is a good career growth trajectory if I continue in research because I do not have a PhD and I don't think I can pursue PhD even if I wanted to because I am on a work visa and would have to forgo it and go through the whole ordeal of getting it later on. I don't feel my true dedication lies in research but I also don't know what my other options are if I want to pursue something else. I was wondering if there's anyone here who pivoted from research into something else still continuing to work in Biotech. Any suggestions are appreciated!

I am finally moving into an apartment which allows tenants to have dogs and I was wondering how much savings I should have in hand to take that step. I live in Somerville, MA and work in Biotech. It has been my lifelong dream to get a dog but never really got the chance because never got the support I needed. I know I shouldn't take that decision just because it has been a dream and I need to know that it is the equivalent of having a small human child. So I figured I'd post in the most reliable place for information.
Since it would be my first time being a pet parent I would definitely opt for getting a smaller dog. I feel like I need a reality check before taking a decision.

As the title gives away the gist of this post, yes, I've had multiple abortions and I am not able to deal with the guilt. My ex-boyfriend and I dated for 5 years. In all those 5 years, we've had some severe ups and downs and I stayed with him because I did not have the self confidence to believe I could do better. We had our first mistaken pregnancy in after the first year of dating. And dealt with it, started being very careful after that. But after 1 year of dating I find out he has still been in touch with his ex, and it wasn't just them being friends, it was something beyond that. I felt like cheated, but also felt like I couldn't leave him because of the thought, "Who would accept me when I tell them what I have been through?" and I stayed to give the relationship another shot. Cut to 2 years later, I find pictures of hers still in his phone and laptop in multiple folders. The thought still is that I will talk to him and put a stop to this because I have nowhere else to go. By this point I had become so insecure of his ex that I decided to do whatever it takes to keep him interested in me and the relationship. That's when the second pregnancy happens. Two years after this, it's again the same story, I find out that he has not only emotionally but also physically cheated on me and I retaliate at a much higher intensity, but end up confessing what I did in retaliation to him and while he is hurt and pissed at me for what happened, he pretends that he has forgiven me for everything and the same cycle of doing what it takes to save the relationship continues from my end purely out of guilt and that's where the next two pregnancies happen. It took me a while to get out of this toxic circle, but the only reason I stayed in that relationship was because I couldn't fathom who would want to be with a person like me, who has made the worst decisions at every turn in life. Looking back, 1 abortion was better than 4, and I should've walked away a long time ago, but I stayed because of the fear that this relationship was the only hope I had in life. It has broken me to bits. I am not looking for empathy or support or delusional messages that getting an abortion isn't a sin or the logical reasoning that it was just a mass of cells. It was still me ending the chance of life and it is killing me from within.

I am just looking for an outlet and maybe a ways to help deal with the guilt. I hate myself more than anything at this point and I don't know if I will ever respect myself or forgive myself for what I've done. All I ever wanted was to get married to a loving person, have kids and settle down, to do well in life, and now it seems like a distant dream with no hope for this in my future. Sometimes thoughts like "The world would be a much better place without a person like me" also pops into my mind. and with every passing day, it is getting difficult to ignore that thought.