u/Okie-dokie999

I saw some people say they don’t tell their friends about their relationship until the nikah which intrigued me. I understand wanting to keep things private and not involve too many people early on esp to avoid gossip or evil eye.
But I’ve been thinking about it and I find it a bit surprising that some people prefer to keep the identity of a potential completely hidden from everyone until things are fully serious. I heard a few stories where people later find out something serious about someone bc a friend or family member recognised them or knew their history. Its been a past criminal record, abusive behaviour, or patterns of mistreating previous partners etc. And the families couldn’t accept the proposal/ said no at the soodonis when the family found out the history. Like not everything is visible just from getting to know someone personally bc some people are just so good at presenting themselves well and hiding things. Esp with online dating like how can you fully trust a person without a lil dbs check.

My older half brother is getting married soon inshallah, and he’s already paid for basically everything himself the nikkah, wedding, house, all of it and my dad is helping too.
Now there’s drama over the soo doonis gifts 😭 Some extended family are saying that my brother and dad already spent enough, questioning why they need to contribute gifts too. But my dad feels like the bride should still be honoured properly and that his family should participate when asking for her hand. He is quite traditional and believes everyone should be involved.
I’m not that aware with the process and what’s normal. Is the soo doonis stuff usually just handled by immediate family, or do aunties/extended family contribute too? Or does it just depend on the family?