u/Old-Engineering-7046

I have seen a lot of sisters in the muslim community lately posting on matrimonial groups about their marriage requirements and something really caught my attention in the requirements, which is seeking a well financial established men.

Supposedly, you find such person and got married to him. If he loses everything in a short period, would you still be with him?

P.S: Nothing wrong with having a preference and requirements for your future spouse.

I will try to make as short as I can..

Two years ago, I matched with a sister on Muzz that lived in the same city that I was living in and we had a good connection at the beginning. We used to spend almost 3 hours talking on the phone every single day and It never really bothered me. After few weeks, I had to go from working night shifts to day shift, which took me sometimes to get used to it and I was barely having any energy to do many things like being on the phone for long hours. After I discussed with her that I can’t be on the phone for too long, she got super emotional and by that I mean crying for hours just because I told her that I don’t have a lot of energy these days. I started feeling bad, so I continue with the long hours talk. She started demanding more time, like calling her before I go to bed and calling her after waking up. I knew from that point that we can’t be together anymore. So I told her that we can’t continue being together. It took her sometime time but she finally accepted it and we were okay with ending things mutually afterwards.

A year ago, I met another other sister that lived in another city on Muzz again and lowkey I never felt the same way with any other women. I started telling my mom about her, which I have never done it before. We spent some time together, but things had to come to an end. I have seen many red flags which I can’t disclose them, but eventually we had to end things mutually. Deep down I believe I am still in love with her but I made up my mind that we will never be together.

Forget to mention that I was still communicating with the other sister as friend/brother. She used to call me for advice or to help her with something. Recently, she started calling me very frequently and asking me to take her to places that she can’t go alone and I was being good friend and brother and was never saying no to her but recently, she started sending me some cryptic messages on snapchat that she still wants me. She knows everything in my life for some reason and she calls me almost every Eid or every once in a while to check up on me. The other day, I told her that I had to clean up my place and she even offered to do it all. I have tried to politely cut her off but she is not getting the message. I even had to delete snapchat and all other social media apps, so that she gets the message, but she still calls me.

Walahi I don’t want to break her heart, as she has always been nothing but a nice and kind to me and I really appreciate everything she is trying to do but I need advice on how can I tell her that we can’t be together.

Would you say this is a bad move to approach a sister on social media?

I have always had this things where if I want to approach a sister online, I would approach her in a silly way like complementing her with something very obvious or tell her a bad joke about something she posted on her story, just looking to get a reaction and from there, I get to have an idea if she is interested in talking or not. I have used this method numerous times and for some reason it always worked out until recently.

I tried using this method with another sister, when she posted a video of thunderstorms in her story and I simply said “Oh that look scary”. I know that’s sounds cringe thing to say but I have said worse things and it worked way better than I expected. Her reaction was like “A man scared of a thunderstorms” and continued laughing. I tried to change the subject since we’re already talking but she kept pointing out what I said. Lowkey, I was regretting typing something like but I thought it worked many times before, it’s not gonna be any different.

For those who are good at making the first move, would you say this is a bad approach to a sister on social media?

Would you date/marry someone that works in a job that society sees as a low-income job(like security, customer care, or even a warehouse worker) even though he makes more than the average income?

For reference, I moved to Canada a little over three years ago, and things have been rough in here in the past few years, with the job market being extremely saturated with people and the economy not doing well. I was fortunate enough to get employed after a few weeks when I landed in Canada. I have done some odd jobs just to pay the bills, and Alhamdullilah, I am doing a lot better than I was doing before.

I started doing a security job a couple of years ago, and of course, it’s not something I am planning to do for the rest of my life. People, especially women, see this job as a very low-level job, but there’s something that people don’t know mostly about this job. The main misconception is that it doesn’t pay enough to survive. Even though partially it is true, but it depends on where you work and the type of security job you’re doing. I have done all sorts of security jobs, and believe it or not, there are some positions/places that pay more than what the average banker, nurse, or even HR people make every month.

Now, the reason why I asked the question above is because I have been with a few potentials lately (different times) that either were born and raised in Canada or grew up here, and for some reason, they made me feel like we weren’t even in the same boat, either directly or indirectly (cracking jokes about how my English is good or giving me nicknames). I never got offended at the beginning, but after I started seeing a pattern among multiple potentials, I asked myself what could be the issue here. I got mixed responses and mostly were aiming towards the job/career.

So to go back to the same that I asked earlier, would you marry someone that’s currently working in those jobs?

Before anyone judges me, I want to express my deepest love and respect for all nurses. They are heroes who save lives every day, and we can never thank them enough.

I was recently in a relationship with a healthcare worker, and we got along well at first. While there’s a common stereotype about marrying a nurse, it never bothered me. I always believed that love was the most important thing, and nothing else mattered. However, we ended up breaking up for other reasons.

During our relationship, I didn’t ask her much about her job in the hospital, especially about caring for male patients. Until recently, I had a job in a hospital myself, and I was shocked by what I saw. Nurses are expected to care for patients with mental health issues or those brought in by the police for further assessment. These patients are often restrained and can’t use the bathroom, so nurses bring them portable urinals and help them use them. I was particularly shocked when I saw nurses putting their hands on male patients’ genitals until they were finished. Even though there are medical reasons for this, it made me uncomfortable and led me to question my feelings about dating nurses.

I know many of the sister here are nurses and I have nothing but respect for you. I’m just asking for some clarification. Do you have a choice to say no to male patients? I apologize if this post offended anyone.