u/Old-Profession8461

My wife and I have been together for 20 years. Before anyone jumps to conclusions about phone snooping, let me be clear. We have always had open access to each other's phones. That's how it's been for two decades, and it never caused a single problem.

A few days ago, I was using her phone when a Reddit notification popped up. It was a message.

What I found was a full sexting conversation.

The guy is young (23M), fit, attractive and, from the photos and messages I saw, very well-endowed. I keep wondering if she is no longer attracted to me or if I have simply become the safe, boring husband at home.

When I confronted her, the excuses came in layers. First it was "nothing." Then it was "just joking around." Then it shifted to "I liked the attention, but I would never actually do anything because I love you."

But to me, this is cheating. She hid it from me, exchanged sexual messages and photos with another man.

I still love her, and 20 years together is not something I can easily walk away from. But I do not know how I can trust her again, especially when she refuses to take full responsibility.

What do I do? Is sexting enough reason to end a 20-year relationship?