I (27M) am suddenly terrified of marrying my girlfriend (26F) after 8 years together. Is this burnout or a sign I shouldn’t marry?
I (27M) have been with my girlfriend (26F) since 2018. She’s the only relationship i’ve ever had. Her family has never accepted our relationship. Since January 2025, they’ve emotionally and physically abused her because she refuses to leave me. They took away her phone, restricted her freedom, and made her life incredibly difficult. I filed a police complaint and tried everything i could think of, but nothing really changed. Despite everything, she never gave up on us. She still finds ways to call or message me several times a day using her cousin’s phone.
At the same time, i’m going through the worst phase of my own life, and it isn’t just because of our relationship.
I’m dealing with serious family issues caused by my father (completely unrelated to my relationship), and they’ve completely changed my life. I don’t want to go into every detail because this post would become way too long, but the situation has left me and my mother emotionally broken. Right now, my biggest goal in life is to get her out of that environment and give her the life she deserves. I don’t want her to spend the rest of her life feeling trapped in that house.
Trying to carry all of this has completely wrecked my mental health. Over the last few months, i’ve had multiple mental breakdowns. My sleep is terrible. My mind never switches off. I constantly feel overwhelmed, anxious, and emotionally exhausted. It feels like i’m carrying everyone’s problems while slowly losing myself.
And that’s where my confusion starts. A few years ago, i wanted nothing more than to marry this girl. Today, whenever i think about marriage, i feel fear instead of happiness. I’m scared of the responsibilities. I’m scared that i don’t have the emotional capacity to be a good husband while everything else is falling apart. I’m scared of losing what little mental peace i have left. I’m scared of losing myself completely.
Our relationship wasn’t perfect. We’ve had arguments, said hurtful things to each other, and gone through difficult times like any couple. But we’ve also always found our way back because we genuinely understand and love each other. Ironically, since we’ve been forced to live apart for the last 18 months, we rarely argue anymore.
What hurts the most is knowing how much she has sacrificed for us. She’s endured things no one should have to endure because she chose this relationship. I know i’m the most important person in her life. I don’t want to leave her after everything she’s gone through for us.
But i also don’t want to marry her simply because i feel guilty or responsible. So i’m trying to understand what’s happening to me.
Has anyone gone through something similar? Can prolonged stress, family trauma, and constant emotional pressure make someone who genuinely wanted marriage suddenly become afraid of it? Did those feelings come back once your life became more stable, or did you realize something deeper had changed?
I’m looking for honest advice from people who’ve experienced something similar, not just opinions about whether i should get married or not.