u/Old_Classic_1604

TLDR: I don't realistically see myself ever becoming confidently sure of any religious belief. Are you confident and if so how and if not how do you cope

So a few years ago I started questioning my religious faith being a Primitive Baptist. I knew the worldview was narrow and tight so I wanted to debunk other religions and prove mine correct. Rather than get there it spiraled to a point where I want to investigate world religions and different denominations and sects and try and seek truth and peace but I also know there's too many viewpoints out there to adequately give them all my attention and that's concerning because it shows me I can't be certain. Then there's my original faith Primitive Baptist which I see some issues with I think but maybe I'm just not adequately educated on that either; so say I can narrow it down and get things grounded, I watch people like Matt Dillahunty, Jay Dyer, Peter Dimond, Larry Wessells, Gnostic Informant and others and I can't help but feel overwhelmed with their skill and knowledge and precision and I sometimes feel maybe I'm too dumb to know the truth; see when I was younger I was told and I'm sure some of you can relate the truth is simple but I can't see that being correct anymore; well what do you guys think? I've also noticed it goes beyond just getting it right I am concerned about not having a guiding telos or purpose in my life, wasting my time, and what happens after death. So how do you guys deal with this like have you just found something you truly believe in and if so how? If you still have your doubts how do cope with not having it all figured out? Thanks.

TLDR: I'm agnostic but communions coming. Should I indifferently participate or publicly refuse it risking my agnosticism being revealed.

So I'm about to have communion at my church that I have attended for years now this coming Sunday. I became agnostic and have told my family but no one else in the church. A part of me wants to just participate and not think about it but what I'd rather do is just sit it out and observe because I'm agnostic. I've stopped prayer in the church and singing and haven't gotten any questioning on that but I doubt I get through refusing communion without some people wandering why; well I want to be openly agnostic and just work from the perspective everyone knows I am but it's nerve wracking to say it because I don't know how they'd react. So what do you guys think should I participate or make a stand?