r/Deconstruction

Hey guys.

i was born and raised a muslim, being a teenage muslim girl i feel so fucking conflicted. im really on edge with islam, the whole modesty thing - the way women are treated below men is really getting to me. im constantly told the clothes i wear are “inappropriate“ just because maybe my shirt isn’t covering my hips?

i hate the way I feel like im being sexualised ever since i hit puberty, taught that not covering my hair is going to attract men. like hello? its also affecting my life goals, ive dreamed on being an actor, something creative. Yet of course I cant because my mum claims ill be interacting with men in “that way”. Its honestly ridiculous.

I’ve thought about leaving islam, but honestly i feel like my parents would hate me for it. I also fear the afterlife and always think “well, what if its right? what if i go to hell for leaving?” but then i look at my life and honestly, I hate it. I have no clue what to do.

sorry for the rant, I just need advice. thanks.

I just started my journey in deconstruction and this memory just popped into my mind. When I was in high school, around like sophomore year, we had a prompt in class revolving around religion and history. It’s unfortunate but I don’t remember what the conversation was. But after hearing my answer and thoughts on Christianity/religion, the teacher said to me “you appear very brainwashed”. Back then being extremely religious i was so highly offended. I then regarded him as my ‘enemy’, and looking back that was so ridiculous. I was just naive young girl. Now deconstructing I looked back and see that I was very brainwashed, it feels like such a full circle moment where I can look back and laugh.

To briefly explain my background, I grew up as a non-religious believer of a higher being. Now being Christian, currently deconstructing. I've always been a believer of some sort without being nudged or forced by others. That is just how I am.

Few years ago, Jesus Christ has helped me regain the will to live again, becoming His proud follower. The fact that God directly helps us, instead of making us work for salvation in a transactional manner has won my heart and mind, or how sins are not punishable offense, but a large warning sent to us instead, made me a firm believer of Christ.

I was joyous and full of life for a while, but that died down quickly the moment I navigated in history deeper, revealing how oppressive religion became.

I felt the whole world crumble in front of me, reading how negatively Christianity has impacted other peoples throughout history, when it saved my life made my life miserable again.

Seeing how oppressive this organized religion is, how cruel it is towards many groups of people, how much bad it creates compared to good, has turned me into a walking contradiction.

^(Believing religion causes harm, because of how many tragedies Christian or other Abrahamic religion's colonization has created, whilst still believing in God like before... The nerve.)

I know I'm not an unique case, yet I feel alone. I have no answers. I don't know how to feel or what to do. I keep wondering if I'm a bad person for believing in a religion that (now I know) has done so much harm. God has helped me see good in life again and has encouraged me to open up and spread love. I want to know if there is any hope for me and others like me...

Edit: I'd like to add that I'm also afraid of other Christians being shallow or political grifters. It feels like we are not on the same team and that they are potential threats to me.

I recently came to the conclusion that I am not someone who wants to be a part of any group religious or spiritual.

I am not agnostic
I am not atheist
I am not Christian
I am not spiritual
I’m just a person 🤷

but idk how I feel abt god. I want to get to know god personally, but I also don’t really believe in a lot of the religions.

As of now, I feel like god is just this presence or a reflection. I’m not sure if I view god as a creator or a saviour of any sort. just a presence and a mirror.

god is the thing that just exists around us and we are also connected to god (i know this sounds super spiritual lol) but also my views change all the time. next week i may not even believe in god.

but for people who have deconstructed and still believe in god, what do you think?

If God made everything, then God made cannabis and the other psychedelics, and it would be ungrateful of us, if we didn't take advantage of them to make ourselves happier.

If God made everything, then God made porn (with a little help from his friends), and it would be ungrateful of us not to use it to make ourselves happier.

If God is love, then he loves us. And if he loves us, then he wants us to be happy, because that's what love is: wanting the person we love to be happy.

So a loving God should be pleased as punch when we learn how to use cannabis and porn to make ourselves as happy as possible. And a loving God should also be pleased about this, because the happier we become, the more nicely we treat other people.

And I'm pretty sure that's what a loving God would want.

And if by chance, God doesn't even happen to exist, that won't make us feel like we'd been wasting our time trying to make him happy, because everything we'd been doing to make ourselves happier, we certainly would have done anyway.

Your pal, Steven Z Mellow, aka Freethought Steve

I really need help deconstructing this. It’s visual so it seems very self evidence and I don’t think many people know about it so unlike other miracles for Islam claimed by apologists this one has no article that has debunked it. It makes me unable to do anything cause I don’t know any rational way to explain it away and I am scared Islam is true. https://www.al-afkar.com/index.php/Afkar\_Journal/article/download/706/469

This might be a bit broad, but I’m wondering if anyone has helpful resources for exploring sexuality more?

I’m not looking for therapy, I’ve done that a bit but would like to have some resources that I can move through at my own pace. Rather than purity culture focused, I’d like something that digs into exploring my own sexuality - something almost completely free from religious talk.

I’m still ‘afraid’ of porn (that’s some deeply engrained purity culture) so watching porn to see what I like or don’t like doesn’t really work for me. I’m a 32F and have a super supportive husband, but I’m sort of at the point where I don’t know what I don’t know and need some help finding it, if that makes any sense.