u/ConnectAnalyst3008

To set things straight, I'm a 22 year old adult. Technically speaking, I can do whatever I want. Still, I'm 100% sure my parents aren't going to let me watch this movie in theatres.

Due to financial reasons, I'm still living with my parents. My parents are both Christian pastors - which means any media that's just a little different or not something all "lovey-dovey" is practically seen as demonic. They'd hardly ever interact with the material to even just understand the meaning or anything, they are so unwilling that they immediately jump to conclusions.

If I even expressed my interest in seeing the movie, it would obliterate their view of me as a person which would probably last for months. Sometimes I just want to do what I want without feeling like I'll be labeled as something, man.

I just really love the Backrooms, sue me.

**Edit: I admit, I can be a spineless dweeb - but you guys don't know my dad. He can be so horrifying, nobody could win against him in an argument. I've learned to avoid conflict at all costs.

I have a genuine question for those who deconstructed and later chose Christianity again. What reasons motivated you to come back other than fear?

I feel like fear is the driving factor behind most Christians’ belief whether they admit it or not. When I was still a fully-fledged Christian, I didn’t think that was the reason for me either. But after deconstructing, I realized that fear actually was a massive part of my belief.

The Bible literally presents us with two choices: eternity in Heaven (choose God) or eternity in Hell (don’t choose God). Of course people are going to want one of those options to be true over the other. I don’t know about you, but the idea of being tortured forever in some eternal cosmic dungeon sounds horrifying. It's the biggest existential fear.

That’s why it sometimes feels less like genuine love and more like coerced love.

Deuteronomy 6:5 says:

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.”

But what kind of love COMMANDS you to love someone back?

If a stranger randomly approached you on the street, told you that he loved you, that he made some sacrifice to help you out it would seem really weird right? It gets better. The stranger then says, "oh but you better love me back...otherwise...well - I might just do something to you". Would you feel compelled to love that stranger? Would you feel safe around that stranger?

And then the Bible also LITERALLY tells us to fear God.

Ecclesiastes 12:13:

“Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man.”

What makes this even more confusing to me is that the Bible also says:

1 John 4:18

“Perfect love casts out fear.”

Yet fear seems deeply embedded into the entire system?? Fear of hell. Fear of punishment. Fear of being wrong about literally anything - interpeting the Bible wrong, choosing the wrong denomination, not worshipping enough, accidentally making a tv show an idol, not repenting correctly etc.

That irony is something I genuinely struggle with.

I actually want to come back to Christianity in some ways, but this issue makes it REALLY difficult for me.

I know this is a common struggle under people who left the faith and those still deconstructing. I'm not a unique case. This post will likely get brushed over because I bet these are common...but I'm asking anyway, because I feel like I'm out of options at this point.

It feels like I have tried to rationalize my way out of this fear but it keeps following me everywhere I go. I have practically seen every video on Youtube dealing with this subject. Nothing has helped me.

I'm on the cusp of leaving Christianity, but this geniunely holds me back. One day when I finally feel ready to leave, something happens - I hear news of someone who died, I watch a movie dealing with death, I hear a preacher ranting about coming back to Jesus, etc. And it all comes back.

What if it is real?

What if I am allowing myself to be deceived?

What if?

Whether hell is real or not, I think I can confidently say that I'll never see it as a "just" punishment ever again. Nothing about it screams "This is good. The perfect, most morally good creator of all things made this".

How do I finally get over the fear? Can it ever be conquered? Do I just get a lobotomy?

I don't want to die.

Not yet.

The person who did it is someone close to me. He often plays with my brother's dog, always acting oh so affectionate towards the dog. The baby boy is still a teething puppy and has the propencity to bite when being played with. We were watching television together, the dog nearly bit his face and this person threw a fit. Not only that, threw the dog probably 3 STEPS in front of him off of the couch.

Luckily the puppy was okay, I checked up afterwards and made sure the puppy got some love. Could have gone much worse though.

I don't think I could fully trust a human being if they had the capacity inside themselves to do something like that to a dog.

You 100% need to find help so you can get your head checked out. The person also really casually once mentioned how, when he was younger - threw a different dog out of a WINDOW for a reason I couldn't remember. That's so messed up.

You must be asking how could I possibly be keeping this person anonymous? This person is not someone to be trifled with. If I were to stand up to them, I'd probably end up living in a box under a bridge. This person has power. He's probably reading this post right now, I'm just hoping he doesn't.

Hey! I'm on the lookout for some possible friends! The nerdier, the better!

I'd like to hang out in person rather than just staying friends online.

Anybody close to the vaal triangle/Vereeniging area? 😊