u/Olegreg6

Hey all,

I've lived here for about 7 years now. I worked odd jobs and managed a bar for a while before breaking into tech. After 3 years being remote, I miss people and doing something "real". I'm mid 30's and no kids, so I have a lot of time to invest.

I've been researching service like businesses to start and I'm wondering if there is a shortage or need for anything in particular that I could do while working my job until I make enough with the "side hustle". I'd need to make roughly 6k a month in profit to quit.

Im considering a few options:
- power washing, gutter cleaning, etc.
- house, plant, dog, reptile sitting / drop bys
- junk removal (although the starting cost is highest, seems like there is demand)
- exterior house painting
- pop up markets (lemonade, boba, idk?)

Open to suggestions. I check buy-biz-sell often but nothing on there looks that interesting.

Fwiw I do have experience with project management in tech, can code / teach people AI prompting as well. I just don't want to be on a computer for 8 hours a day, my brain likes the operations aspect of running my own thing. I don't mind working hard with my body but I do like an equal split of mental / physical. I also really like the idea of building a small team and paying them well in Bend.

Thanks!

I'm M35 - I recently left a 5 year relationship that didn't work out, we had couples therapy for the last year, and I had individual therapy as well. It didn't affect me much after we split. But for some damn reason, I met this girl 3 months ago and I am going crazy. We hung out 4-6 nights a week, always had a great time in person, and our chemistry was 10/10, the best I've felt with anyone.

She broke up with me two weeks ago, because we would have a hard convo or fight about once a week, mostly due to things I would bring up. She would flake on plans, like if she said she wanted to hang out or do something, she would go hang with her friends and forget about filling me in that plans changed. I didn't complain the first few times, was pretty understanding but once it became a pattern I started calling it out. She took it as I was making her feel bad for doing the things that fills her cup, in my head I was showing up a bit anxious but I just wanted to not be waiting around for her when she led me to think she wanted to hangout.

We would have these smaller fights, she'd take space, but never seemed like she fully understood my side, and took it as "I give you so much, and I just have nothing left to give, and I'm tried of feeling like I'm not enough or a disappointment".

I always told her she is enough. These are issues we just work through, and I can compromise, as can she. These conversations would generally cause me to pull back because she wasn't really accountable, then she would make more of an effort, then I would lean in, and she would pull back. The push-pull was very annoying, but addicting.

She ended it, and it was confusing. She said she wanted to say I love you so many times, and wished I asked her to be my girlfiend sooner. She said she has too much to work on, and too many walls up due to her manipulative / performative ex. We ended up having sex and then I walked her out, and she cried pretty much the whole time.

Fast forward to this week, and I've done all the dumb things. Instead of no contact, I reached out softly just to say hi and and how she was. She was receptive but short. I saw her out, we waved but she left the bar and had a hot discussion with her friend down the street about 5 mins after I got to the bar. I texted her the next day, saying I wasn't there to blow up the spot and that we are good. She was short and not cold, but not warm. "Okay thanks sounds good".

I had ordered her some gifts before we broke up, a super rare perfume she liked that was seasonal, and a rear view mirror for her car since she was going on a roadtrip. I asked if she wanted to pick them up. And tbh kind of embarassing but I calculated her half birthday before we broke up, and so that was for her half birthday. I texted her happy half bday, come on by if you'd like to pick up the gifts. She asked if I could just drop them off at her door, and that she had stuff to drop at my door. That kinda hurt, I just said no thanks, come get them when you are ready. She said theres no reason for us to talk in a private enviroment, and that she is feeling good with her decision and that she hopes I am too. I tried a cold response and said "same page, was fun but we have some work to do. see you around" and she just said "see you around". I caved, and sent a more authentic response, and let her know I will move on but if she has a change of heart down the road, reach out and see where we are.

So far no contact for a week. Day 1-3 I had insane physical anxiety, couldn't eat, couldn't sleep. Never has happened to me before in my life. Each day gets a little better, but I just don't know what was real or not. I don't know what to do. I'd love to reconcile, but i feel like space probably is the best for now... And I have no idea what she is thinking or why she decided to be cold/neutral in response other than it wasn't real, or she doesn't want to give me hope.

I've watched a ton of videos, and podcasts about attachment styles. She self described as avoidant due to her ex, she was scared of choosing the wrong person, and she values indepence over all. I guess I threatened her independence, although I really wasn't trying to, I like how she lives her life, I just wanted to be in the loop if we had plans to hangout and they change, or to be considered even if I'm not around. In person 10/10, she wasn't ever on her phone and super present. So I think i took that for granted because she probably was the same way with friends and family. I showed up anxious due to that.

I also kind of felt like I was giving too much of myself too often. She didn't really match it until I stopped verbalizing how I felt. She'd say "i feel so safe and special with you, I really enjoy this connection". Or small things when I was quieter.

I guess idk, can anyone talk some sense into me or give me perspective please? I still feel incredibly sad, and I know I need to let go. I just am struggling here. Its compounded bc I have shoulder surgery Monday (she was supposed to help), and I'll have 3 weeks off work to sit with my thoughts. Any books, or resources would be super helpful. So far only ordered "Attached"